The Other Guys Quotes

Terry Hoitz: No, I don't like you. I think you're a fake cop. The sound of your piss hitting the urinal, it sounds feminine. If you were in the wild, I would attack you, even if you weren't in my food chain. I would go out of my way to attack you. If I were a lion and you were a tuna, I would swim out in the middle of the ocean and freaking eat you and then I'd bang your tuna

girlfriend.
Allen Gamble: OK, first off: a lion, swimming in the ocean. Lions don't like water. If you placed it near a river or some sort of fresh water source, that make sense. But you find yourself in the ocean, 20 foot wave, I'm assuming off the coast of South Africa, coming up against a full grown 800 pound tuna with his 20 or 30 friends, you lose that battle, you lose

that battle 9 times out of 10. And guess what, you've wandered into our school of tuna and we now have a taste of lion. We've talked to ourselves. We've communicated and said 'You know what, lion tastes good, let's go get some more lion'. We've developed a system to establish a beach-head and aggressively hunt you and your family and we will corner your pride, your children, your offspring.

Terry Hoitz: How you gonna do that?
Allen Gamble: We will construct a series of breathing apparatus with kelp. We will be able to trap certain amounts of oxygen. It's not gonna be days at a time. An hour? Hour forty-five? No problem. That will give us enough time to figure out where you live, go back to the sea, get some more oxygen, and stalk you. You just

lost at your own game. You're outgunned and out-manned.
[pause]
Allen Gamble: Did that go the way you thought it was gonna go? Nope.

Allen Gamble: [Hoitz and Gamble barely survive an explosion] I can't hear! I can't hear! There's blood blisters on my hands! Oh, my God! How do you walk away in a movie without flinching when it explodes behind them? There's no way! I call bullshit on that! When they flew the Millennium Falcon outside of the Death Star, and it was followed by the explosion, that was bullshit!

Terry Hoitz: Don't you dare badmouth Star Wars! That was all accurate!

Allen Gamble: [sung in a bar with several Irishmen] I gave my love to Erin/She promised to be true/I went to war to come back/And find five British soldiers/Had their way with her/It was consensual
[later after talking to Terry]
Allen Gamble: And all their fathers were hanged/And the children all got pink eye/While their Harry Potter books were

burned.

Terry Hoitz: You feel that, Allen? Huh? That tingling in your balls? Big metal butterflies fluttering around your stomach?
Allen Gamble: Are you sure you don't have testicular cancer?
Terry Hoitz: I got something to get you going.
[plays a hardcore song on the car stereo]
Terry Hoitz: Let's go do some

damage!
Allen Gamble: Nope.
[switches it to a lyrical song]
Terry Hoitz: What the hell is that?
Allen Gamble: LRB. Little River Band.
Terry Hoitz: This music makes me feel like I'm going shopping for a training bra.