Ardeth Bay: [to Alex] By putting this on, you have started a chain reaction that could bring about the next apocalypse.
[Alex gasps]
Rick: [to Ardeth] You, lighten up.
Rick: [to Alex] You, big trouble.
Rick: [to Jonathan] You, get in the car.
Alex: Are we there yet?
Lock-Nah: No.
Alex: Are we there yet?
Lock-Nah: No.
[question and response repeated many times with Lock-Nah getting angrier]
Alex: Are we there...
[Lock-Nah stabs his knife right between Alex's fingers]
Alex: Whoa! That was
amazing! Perfect aim.
Lock-Nah: What are you talking about? I missed.
Evelyn: [about Ahm Shere] Alexander the Great sent troops in search of it.
Rick: Great for him.
Evelyn: So did Caesar.
Rick: Yeah, look what happened to his career.
Evelyn: And Napoleon.
Rick: Yeah, but we're smarter than him. And taller, too.
Evelyn: Exactly. That's why we're the ones who are gonna find it.
Rick: Because we're taller?
[as Evy fights Imhotep's followers skillfuly with a sword]
Alex: Whoa, Mom! When did you learn to do that?
Evelyn: [surprised look on her face] I have no idea.
[a thug grabs her by the throat and pushes her against the wall. She knees him in the groin and decks him with a right hook]
Evelyn: *That* I learned from your
father.
Rick: Alex I've got a big job for you. I want you to stay here and protect the car.
Jonathan: I can do that.
Alex: Protect the car? Come on, Dad. Just because I'm a kid doesn't mean I'm stupid.
Rick: I know.
Alex: [ruffles his hair] Dad!
Rick: Ehh...
Jonathan: If you see anyone come running out screaming, it's just me.
Rick: [to Jonathan about Alex] Maybe you should stay here and watch him.
Jonathan: Yes, now you're talking.
Ardeth Bay: [on seeing Rick's tattoo] If I were to say to you, "I am a stranger traveling from the East, seeking that which is lost"...
Rick: Then I would reply that, "I am a stranger traveling from the West. It is I whom you seek." How...
Ardeth Bay: Then it is true. You have the sacred mark.
Rick: What,
that? No, that got slapped on me when I was in an orphanage in Cairo.
Ardeth Bay: That mark means you're a protector of man, a warrior for God, a Medjai.
Rick: I'm sorry. You've got the wrong guy.
Rick: Right. She's a reincarnated princess, and I'm a warrior for God.
Ardeth Bay: And your son leads the way to Ahm Shere. Three sides of the pyramid. This was all preordained thousands of years ago.
Evelyn: But how does the story end?
Ardeth Bay: Ah, only the journey is written, not the destination.
Rick: Convenient.
Rick: And let me guess. It was commanded by, uh, the Scorpion King guy?
Evelyn: Yes, but he only awakens once every 5,000 years.
Rick: Right. And if someone doesn't kill him, then he's gonna wipe out the world.
Evelyn: How did you know?
Rick: I didn't. But that's always the story.
Evelyn: The last known expedition to actually reach Ahm Shere was sent by Ramses the Fourth over 3,000 years ago. He sent over a thousand men.
Rick: And none of them was ever seen again.
Evelyn: How did you know?
Rick: I didn't. But that's always the story.
Ardeth Bay: [to Rick] My friend, there is a fine line between coincidence and fate.
Rick: Where the hell's Jonathon?
[Jonathon drives up in a double-decker bus with Alex]
Evelyn: Alex!
Rick: What's the matter with my car?
Jonathan: Well, I was forced to find an alternative means of transportation.
Rick: [shouting] A double-decker bus?
Jonathan: [pointing to Alex] It was his idea!
Alex: Was not!
Jonathan: Was too!
Rick: Just go!
Jonathan: Was too!
Alex: Was not!
[Jonathan trying to start the car as he hears gunfire break out]
Alex: Hurry up!
Jonathan: Come on, come on, come on!
[Johnathan turns the key and breaks it off]
Alex: You broke it, you broke it, you broke it!
Jonathan: Be quiet Alex! If there's going to be any hysterics, they'll come from me!
Ardeth Bay: I am sorry if I alarmed your son, but you must understand, now that the bracelet is on his wrist, we have only seven days before the Scorpion King awakens.
Rick: We? What we?
Ardeth Bay: If he is not killed, he will raise the Army of Anubis.
Jonathan: I take it that's not a good thing?
Rick: Oh, he'll wipe out the world.
Jonathan: Ah, the old "wipe out the world" ploy.
Rick: Okay, you're here, the bad guys are here, Evy's been kidnapped. Let me guess.
Ardeth Bay: Yes, they once again removed the creature from his grave.
Jonathan: I don't mean to point fingers, but isn't it your job to make sure that *doesn't* happen?
[after their narrow escape, Izzy cheers wildly, then rounds on O'Connell, furious]
Izzy: O'Connell. You almost got me killed!
Rick: [shrugs weakly] At least you didn't get shot.
Evelyn: Izzy! Thank you!
[kisses Izzy on the cheek]
Evelyn: Thank you!
[kisses Izzy on the cheek again]
Jonathan: [with his diamond] Yes! Yes! Yes!
Izzy: [considerably more mellow] O'Connell, who the hell you been messin' with this time, huh?
Rick: Oh, you know, the usual. Mummies, pygmies, big bugs.