Aunt May: [after seeing Peter with Spider-Man suit] What the Fu...
Steve Rogers: Hi, I'm Captain America. Here to talk to you about one of the most valuable traits a student or soldier can have. Patience. Sometimes, patience is the key to victory. Sometimes, it leads to very little, and it seems like it's not worth it, and you wonder why you waited so long for something so disappointing... How many more of these?
Ms. Warren: What are you doing here? There's a dance.
Ned Leeds: Uh...
[quickly shuts his laptop]
Ned Leeds: [awkwardly] I'm... looking... at porn.
[Spider-Man shows up at a robbery carried out by men in Avengers masks]
Spider-Man: Wait a minute... You guys aren't the real Avengers! I can tell. Hulk gives it away.
Peter Parker: I'm sick of Mr. Stark treating me like a kid.
Ned Leeds: But you are a kid.
Peter Parker: Yeah. A kid who can stop a bus with his bare hands.
Tony Stark: Can't you just be a friendly neighborhood Spider-Man?
Mr. Harrington: It would be terrible to lose a student...
Mr. Harrington: ...on a school trip...
Mr. Harrington: ...again.
Peter Parker: I've got to go.
Michelle: Where are you going?
[Peter stares at her]
Michelle: What are you hiding Peter?
[Peter still stares at her, not knowing what to say]
Michelle: [laughs] I'm just kidding. I don't care. Bye.
Mr. Delmar: [In Spanish] His aunt is a beautiful Italian woman!
Peter Parker: [In Spanish] How's your daughter?
Adrian Toomes: [to Peter] You need to understand, I will do anything to protect my family. I know you know what I'm talking about. So don't mess with me. Don't interfere in my business again. Because I will kill you and anyone you care about.
Ned Leeds: [to Peter] Can you summon an army of spiders?
Peter Parker: No, man!
May Parker: [to Peter] You need to stop carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders.
Mac Gargan: Rumor has it that you know who he is.
Adrian Toomes: If I knew who he was, he'd already be dead.
Spider-Man: I got you!
Karen: This is your chance. Kiss her.
Adrian Toomes: The rich, the powerful, like Stark, they don't care about us! The world's changed boys, time we change too!
[Peter's face is turning pale white, after finding out that Toomes is Liz's father]
Adrian Toomes: Hey, you up for some bourbon, some gin, rum?
Spider-Man: I'm not old enough to drink.
Adrian Toomes: Right answer.
[winks]
Adrian Toomes: Eight years without any trouble from those bozos over at Stark Tower, and then this little bastard in red tights shows up, and he thinks he can tear down everything I've built. We're gonna put 'em outta business! We're gonna take everything they got!
Ned Leeds: [to Peter] You were on the ceiling!
