Spider-Man: Homecoming
Spider-Man: Homecoming

Peter Parker: It is I, Thor, son of Odin!

Spider-Man: Homecoming
Spider-Man: Homecoming

Aaron Davis: [on phone] I'm sorry, Miles. I'm not gonna make it... Yeah, I'm stuck.

Spider-Man: Homecoming
Spider-Man: Homecoming

Tour Guide: Ok, guys, I know that was scary, but our safety systems are working.
Karen: The safety systems are completely failing.
Tour Guide: We're very safe in here.
Karen: The occupants are in imminent mortal danger.

Spider-Man: Homecoming
Spider-Man: Homecoming

Spider-Man: [to his camera in Berlin] No one has actually told me why I'm in Berlin or what I'm doing. Something about Captain America going crazy.

Spider-Man: Homecoming
Spider-Man: Homecoming

Adrian Toomes: [pulls up to a red traffic light] That's terrible what happened down there in DC, though. Were you scared? I bet you were glad when your old pal Spider-Man showed up in the elevator, though, huh?
Peter Parker: Yeah, well, I- I- I actually didn't go up. I saw it all from the ground. Pretty lucky that he was there that day.

Adrian Toomes: [traffic light turns green] Good old Spider-Man.

Spider-Man: Homecoming
Spider-Man: Homecoming

Flash: I don't know. I got to check my calendar first. I got a hot date with Black Widow coming up.
Abe: [ringing the bell] That is false.
Mr. Harrington: What did I tell you about using the bell for comedic purposes?

Spider-Man: Homecoming
Spider-Man: Homecoming

Michelle: My friends call me MJ.
Ned Leeds: I thought you didn't have any friends.
Michelle: I... didn't.

Spider-Man: Homecoming
Spider-Man: Homecoming

Pepper Potts: Where's the kid?
Happy Hogan: He left.
Pepper Potts: Everybody's waiting.
Tony Stark: You know what? He actually made a really mature choice. It just surprised the heck out of us.
Pepper Potts: Did you guys screw this up?
Tony Stark: [points at

Happy] He told the kid to go wait in the car.
Pepper Potts: Are you kidding me? I've got a room full of people in there waiting for some big announcement. What am I gonna tell them?
Tony Stark: Think of something. How about, um... Hap, you still got that ring?
Happy Hogan: [pretends to search his pockets] Do I... I, uh...

Tony Stark: The engagement ring!
Happy Hogan: [smirks] Are you kidding? I've been carrying this since 2008.
[takes out the ring and holds it up]
Tony Stark: Okay.
Pepper Potts: I think I can think of something better than that.
Tony Stark: Well, it would buy us a little time.


[Pepper kisses Tony]
Tony Stark: Like we need time.

Spider-Man: Homecoming
Spider-Man: Homecoming

Michelle: [as the Washington Monument is attacked] My friends are up there!

Spider-Man: Homecoming
Spider-Man: Homecoming

Steve Rogers: Today, my good friend, your gym teacher will be conducting the Captain America Fitness Challenge.
Coach Wilson: Thank you, Captain. I'm pretty sure this guy's a war criminal now, but whatever. I have to show these videos. It's required by the state. Let's do it.

Spider-Man: Homecoming
Spider-Man: Homecoming

Steve Rogers: [Captain America is in a PSA being shown during detention] So... you got detention. You screwed up. You know what you did was wrong. The question is, how are you gonna make things right? Maybe you were trying to be cool. But take it from a guy who's been frozen for 65 years... the only way to really be cool is to follow the rules.

Spider-Man: Homecoming
Spider-Man: Homecoming

Spider-Man: Hey, Happy! Um, here's my report for tonight. I stopped a grand theft bicycle. Couldn't find the owner, so I just left a note. Um... I helped this lost, old Dominican lady. She was really nice and bought me a churro. So I just, um, feel like I could be doing more. You know? Just curious when the next real mission is gonna be. So, yeah, just call me back. It's Peter.

Parker.
[He hangs up the phone]
Spider-Man: Why would I tell him about the churro?

Spider-Man: Homecoming
Spider-Man: Homecoming

Ned Leeds: Do you lay eggs?
Peter Parker: [taken aback] What? No!
Ned Leeds: Can you spit venom?
Peter Parker: No.
Ned Leeds: Can you summon an army of spiders?
Peter Parker: [beat] No, Ned.

Spider-Man: Homecoming
Spider-Man: Homecoming

Ned Leeds: Always got that internship.
Peter Parker: Yeah, well, hopefully, soon it'll lead to a real job with them.
Ned Leeds: That would be so sweet.
Peter Parker: Right?
Ned Leeds: He'd be all, "Good job on those spreadsheets, Peter. Here's a gold coin."
[Peter gives him a

look]
Ned Leeds: I don't know how jobs work.
Peter Parker: That's exactly how they work.
Ned Leeds: Oh.
[Chuckles]

Spider-Man: Homecoming
Spider-Man: Homecoming

Michelle: Excuse me, can we go already? Because I was hoping to get in some light protesting in front of an embassy before dinner.
Mr. Harrington: Protesting is patriotic.

Spider-Man: Homecoming
Spider-Man: Homecoming

Peter Parker: We should probably stop staring before it gets weird.
Michelle: Too late, you guys are losers.
Ned Leeds: Then why do you sit with us?
Michelle: Because I don't have any friends.

Spider-Man: Homecoming
Spider-Man: Homecoming

Spider-Man: It is really cool seeing you guys in person.

Spider-Man: Homecoming
Spider-Man: Homecoming

[first lines]
Adrian Toomes: Things are never gonna be the same. I mean, look at this. You got aliens. You got big green guys tearing down buildings. When I was kid, I used to draw cowboys and Indians.
Phineas Mason: Actually, it's Native American, but whatever.

Spider-Man: Homecoming
Spider-Man: Homecoming

Ned Leeds: You got hit by a spider? Can it bite me? Well, it probably would have hurt, right? You know what? Whatever. Even if it did hurt, I'd let it bite me. Maybe. How much did it hurt?
Peter Parker: The spider's dead, Ned.

Spider-Man: Homecoming
Spider-Man: Homecoming

Adrian Toomes: You know what? I can't afford your bullshit. Get out of here.
Jackson Brice: What?
Adrian Toomes: You're done. You're off the crew.
Jackson Brice: Yeah, all right. All right. I wonder if you can afford me out there, though, right? With everything I know?
Adrian Toomes:

Excuse me?
Jackson Brice: Um, I'm just saying... maybe your wife would like to know where you really get your money from.
Adrian Toomes: You know what?
Jackson Brice: What?
Adrian Toomes: You're right.
[turns to Mason, points to a weapon on the table]
Adrian Toomes: That

work?
Phineas Mason: I don't know.
[Toomes picks up the weapon, turns back to Brice]
Phineas Mason: I can't afford that.
[Toomes fires the weapon and incinerates Brice, reducing him to a pile of ash]
Herman Schultz: Damn.
Adrian Toomes: [stares at the weapon, confused] I thought this was

the anti-gravity gun.
Phineas Mason: What? No, that's that one.
[Toomes walks over to the ash pile, picks up the Shocker gauntlet, and hands it to Schultz]
Adrian Toomes: Here. Now you're the Shocker. Get out there and find that weapon he lost.
Herman Schultz: [grins] A'ight.