Lone Starr: Who hasn't heard of Yogurt!
Princess Vespa: Yogurt the Wise!
Dot Matrix: Yogurt the All-Powerful!
Barf: Yogurt the Magnificent!
Yogurt: Please, please, don't make a fuss. I'm just plain Yogurt.
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
[Princess Vespa has been given a gun]
Princess Vespa: I ain't shooting this thing, I hate guns.
[her hair gets singed by a laser]
Princess Vespa: My hair, he shot my hair. Son of a bitch!
[begins blasting]
Dark Helmet: So, Lone Starr, now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb.
Barf: [Spaceball 1 roars by them, in a plaid colouration of speed] Aah!
Barf: What the hell was that?
Lone Starr: Spaceball 1.
Barf: They've gone to plaid!
Colonel Sandurz: [squeaks] Prepare ship...
[tries again, with booming voice]
Colonel Sandurz: Prepare ship for ludicrous speed! Fasten all seatbelts, seal all entrances and exits, close all shops in the mall, cancel the three ring circus, secure all animals in the zoo!
[as they are trekking through the desert]
Lone Starr: Water. Water.
Barf: [Barf is panting with his tongue hanging out]
Dot Matrix: Oil. Oil.
Princess Vespa: Room service. Room service.
Lone Starr: I wonder, will we ever see each other again?
Yogurt: Who knows? God willing, we'll all meet again in Spaceballs 2: The Search for More Money.
Dark Helmet: What did you do?
Colonel Sandurz: I turned off the wall.
Dark Helmet: No, you didnt! You turned off the whole movie!
Colonel Sandurz: I must have pressed the wrong button.
Dark Helmet: Well, put it back on!
Dark Helmet: [breathes heavily, Darth Vader-style] I can't breathe in this thing!
Dark Helmet: You have the ring, and I see your Schwartz is as big as mine. Now let's see how well you handle it.
Princess Vespa: I am Princess Vespa, daughter of Roland, King of the Druids.
Lone Starr: Oh great. That's all we needed. A Druish princess.
Barf: Funny, she doesn't look Druish.
Trooper: We ain't found shit!
[upon going into "ludicrous speed"]
Dark Helmet: My brains are going into my feet!
Colonel Sandurz: Are we being too literal?
Dark Helmet: No you fool, we're following orders. We were told to comb the desert so we're combing it.
[last lines]
Dot Matrix: [seeing Lone Starr and Princess Vespa kiss at their wedding] Well, goodbye virgin alarm.
Colonel Sandurz: [in reference to not wanting to attack Yogurt's lair] But sir, your ring! Don't you have the schwartz too?
Dark Helmet: Nah, he got the upside, I got the downside. See there's two sides to every Schwartz.
