99 Sixteen Candles Quotes (2026) #3

Sixteen Candles

Jake: You better not be dickin' me around. It'd be a major downer to try and get together with this girl and find out that she really does think I'm a slime.
The Geek: Jake, would I dick you? Let me put it to you this way, what happens to me if I dick you?
Jake: I'll kick your ass.
The Geek: Right! So why

would I lie? But I feel compelled to mention to you, Jake, I mean, if all you want of the girl is a piece of ass, I mean, I'll either do it myself, or get someone bigger than me, to kick your ass. I mean, not many girls in contemporary American society today, would give their underwear to help a geek like me.
Jake: I can get a piece of ass anytime I want. Shit, I've got

Caroline in the bedroom right now, passed out cold. I could violate her ten different ways if I wanted to.
The Geek: [almost chokes on a pretzel] What are you waiting for?
Jake: I don't know. She's beautiful, and she's built and all that.
[sighs]
Jake: I'm just not interested anymore.
The Geek:

Does that really matter, guy?
Jake: Yeah, it matters. She's totally insensitive. Look what she did to my house. She doesn't know shit about love. Only thing she cares about is partying. I want a serious girlfriend. Somebody I can love, that's gonna love me back. Is that psycho?
[Spits]
The Geek: That's beautiful, Jake. I think a ton of guys

feel the same way as you do.
Jake: Really?
The Geek: Yeah. It's just they don't... They don't have the balls to admit it. You know? They're just... They're wimps.

Sixteen Candles

Ginny: Darling, is something bothering you?
[pause]
Ginny: ...you're really acting like... an asshole. And I think I know what it is. I think, you're jealous that I'm getting married and that I'm getting all the attention.

Sixteen Candles

Samantha: May I be excused?
Grandma Helen: Where are you going?
Samantha: I have a dance to go to - at school. It's a very important dance... uh we're being graded on it, for Gym.

Sixteen Candles

The Geek: Come on, what's the problem here? I'm a boy. You're a girl. Is there any thing wrong with me trying to put together some kind of relationship between us? Okay, look, I know you haven't been - just answer me one question.
Samantha: Yes, you're a total fag.
The Geek: [laughs] That's not the question. Am I turning you on?

Sixteen Candles

Samantha: [mouths from across the street] Me?
Jake: Yeah, you.
[smiles and jogs across the street]
Samantha, Jake: [both in unison] Hi.
Jake: Hi.
Samantha: Hi. What are you doing here?
Jake: I heard you were here.

Samantha: You came here for me?
Jake: Is that OK?
Samantha: [flattered] Yeah, it's OK.
Jake: Do you have to go to the reception now?
Samantha: I'm supposed to.
Jake: Can I call you later?
Samantha: Sure... I mean no.

Jake: No, I can't call you later?
Samantha: Yeah... No, I mean, I'm not going to the reception.
Jake: Oh. Great.
[walks Samantha to his Porsche]

Sixteen Candles

Jake: [Jake is now holding Samantha's panties] These are really hers?
The Geek: Yeah.
Jake: How did you get 'em?
The Geek: She gave 'em to me.
Jake: Did you...?
The Geek: No! No, Jake. She's cranked for you. I told her you asked about her, right? The girl

freaked. She had a hissy. She thinks you're the cats meow!
Jake: Really? She came up to me in the gym tonight. She looked at me like I was a leper.
The Geek: Girls will do that, Jake. You know? You see, they know guys are like in perpetual heat, right? They know they shit, and they enjoy pumping us up. It's pure power politics. I'm telling ya.

Jake: I thought she hated my guts.
The Geek: Games, Jake. Silly torturous games. You know how many times I've gone without lunch because some bitch borrows my lunch money? Any halfway decent girl can rob me - blind! Because I'm too torqued up to say no. It's heinous, I'm telling you.

Sixteen Candles

The Geek: Will you shut up? People around here work, alright? And will you hurry it up? I'm breaking like 30 major laws here.

Sixteen Candles

The Geek: You know, I'm getting input here that I'm reading as relatively hostile. I mean, it's...
Samantha: Go to hell.
The Geek: VERY hostile!

Sixteen Candles

The Geek: Nice ma - nice manners, babe!

Sixteen Candles

Samantha: I can't believe I gave my panties to a geek.

Sixteen Candles

Jim Baker: [to Samantha] I don't think I'll be able to sleep if I don't feel this little talk has helped ya. So would ya be a sport and lie to me?

Sixteen Candles

Jake: I do independent study with her. I catch her lookin' at me a lot. It's kinda cool, the way she's always lookin' at me.
Rock: Maybe she's retarded.
Jake: I'm being serious, okay? She looks at me like she's in love with me.

Sixteen Candles

The Geek: Jake, is your dad a big man, or?
Jake: About 6'4".
The Geek: Very nice.

Sixteen Candles

The Geek: [noticing the car Jake puts Caroline in] This, uh, your car, Jake?
Jake: No, this is my dad's car. You said you couldn't drive a stick.
The Geek: This is a mother - ! This is a Rolls-Royce, Jake.
Jake: So?
The Geek: SO? So? I hear the grill ALONE costs five grand on this. Five

grand! Do you have five grand? I don't have five grand!
Jake: Then don't hit anything.
The Geek: [incredulous] Ha ha! Don't hit anything.

Sixteen Candles

The Geek: [takes item from Caroline] Thank you.
Caroline: [laughs drunkenly] Now we're both on the pill.
The Geek: What?
[spits it out]
The Geek: You gave me a birth control pill? Do you have any idea what that will do to a guy my age?

Sixteen Candles

Samantha: This is the single worst day of my entire life!
Mike Baker: What the hell are you bitchin' about? I have to sleep under some Chinaman named after duck's dork.
Samantha: Well, where am I sleeping?
Mike Baker: Sofa City, Sweetheart.

Sixteen Candles

Grandma Helen: [attempting to help with breakfast by opening a box of doughnuts] Whoops! Don't wanna use the nails.
Grandma Helen: [finally opening the box of doughnuts with a knife] Voila! Breakfast is ready!

Sixteen Candles

Samantha: Oh my God! What should I do? Should I go up to him and and should I say, "Hi Jake, I'm Samantha", or no, maybe I should let him come to me?
The Geek: This is not my department.