Sixteen Candles
Sixteen Candles

The Geek: [to Samantha] Can I borrow your underpants for 10 minutes?

Sixteen Candles
Sixteen Candles

Jim Baker: That's why they call them crushes. If they were easy, they'd call 'em something else.

Sixteen Candles
Sixteen Candles

Long Duk Dong: What's happenin', hot stuff?

Sixteen Candles
Sixteen Candles

Jake: I want a serious girlfriend. Somebody I can love, that's gonna love me back. Is that psycho?

Sixteen Candles
Sixteen Candles

Samantha: I can't believe this. They fucking forgot my birthday.

Sixteen Candles
Sixteen Candles

Brenda Baker: Don't be a smartass.
Mike Baker: OK, I'll be a dumbass.

Sixteen Candles
Sixteen Candles

Long Duk Dong: No more yankie my wankie. The Donger need food!

Sixteen Candles
Sixteen Candles

Samantha: Donger's here for five hours, and he's got somebody. I live here my whole life, and I'm like a disease.

Sixteen Candles
Sixteen Candles

[Jake rings doorbell at Samantha's house]
Long Duk Dong: OK. I'm comin'.
[opens closet door]
Long Duk Dong: Hello? Jeez, this place is so confusing. OK.
[opens front door, screams, and shuts door]
Long Duk Dong: Go away! I call F.B.I.! I call police! Go away!
Jake: Open the door.

Long Duk Dong: No way, Jose!
Jake: Open the door.
Long Duk Dong: You beat up my face.
Jake: You grabbed my nuts.
Long Duk Dong: [looks through frosted glass on door] That you?
Jake: Yeah, that me.
Long Duk Dong: [opens door] Oh, so sorry!

I thought you my new--new-style American girlfriend.
Jake: Forget it, man. Just get Samantha, all right?
Long Duk Dong: She not here.
Jake: Don't jerk me around, man. Where is she?
Long Duk Dong: She got married.
Jake: What?
Long Duk Dong: She at the

church. She getting married to oily bohunk.
Jake: Married?
Long Duk Dong: Married.
Jake: Married?
Long Duk Dong: Yeah. Married
[closes door]
Jake: [turns around, under breath to himself] Married?
Long Duk Dong: Married! Jeez!

Sixteen Candles
Sixteen Candles

The Geek: This information cannot leave this room. Okay? It would devastate my reputation as a dude.
Samantha: No problem.
The Geek: I've never bagged a babe. I'm not a stud.
[Samantha chuckles]

Sixteen Candles
Sixteen Candles

[Caroline is very drunk]
Caroline: Who's he?
Jake: That's me.
Caroline: Who are you?
Jake: I'm him.
Caroline: Oh, OK.

Sixteen Candles
Sixteen Candles

[last lines]
Samantha: Thanks for getting my undies back.
Jake: Thanks for coming over.
Samantha: Thanks for coming to get me.
Jake: Happy Birthday, Samantha. Make a wish.
Samantha: It already came true.

Sixteen Candles
Sixteen Candles

Jim Baker: Why do you think you're a dork? I don't think you're a dork. I don't think Mom thinks you're a dork.
Samantha: Mike thinks I'm a dork.
Jim Baker: Mike *is* a dork.

Sixteen Candles
Sixteen Candles

Long Duk Dong: Ohhh, sexy girlfriend!... Bonzai!

Sixteen Candles
Sixteen Candles

Ginny: I really love Rudy. He is totally enamored of me. I mean, I've had men who've loved me before, but not for six months in a row.

Sixteen Candles
Sixteen Candles

[ring-ring, no one answers the phone...]
Jake: [as he hangs up] Ahh, eat me.
Howard: Who was it? Well what did they want?
Dorothy Baker: [shocked] Sex.

Sixteen Candles
Sixteen Candles

The Geek: Damn Mom, I've got my headgear on!
Caroline: [annoyed] Will you wake up?
The Geek: [opens eyes] Where the hell am I?
Caroline: I'll, uh, tell you where you are, if you tell me who you are.
The Geek: I'm Farmer Ted.
Caroline: You're in the parking lot

across the street from my church.
The Geek: You own a church?

Sixteen Candles
Sixteen Candles

[Long Duk Dong is dancing with Lumberjack, his head is on her ample chest]
Lumberjack: So... What's your name?
Long Duk Dong: Dong.
Lumberjack: What's your first name?
Long Duk Dong: Long.
Lumberjack: What's your middle name?
Long Duk Dong: Duk.

Sixteen Candles
Sixteen Candles

Randy: [talking on the phone with Samantha] I was going to tell you something, but, maybe I shouldn't. It's pretty bad.
Samantha: You may as well. Nothing could shock me anymore.
Randy: Last night at the dance, my little brother paid a buck to see your underwear.
Samantha: [screams] Aaaaaaaahhh!

Howard: [Her grandparents downstairs are startled by the scream] Geez! I hate that rock 'n' roll rubbish!
Grandpa Fred: Well, I'm afraid it's here to stay, Howie.

Sixteen Candles
Sixteen Candles

[on the phone with the police]
Howard: What was he wearing? Well, uh, let's see, he was wearing a red argyle sweater, and tan trousers, and red shoes... Hmm? No, he's not retarded.