Scrubs Quotes

Carla: Well?
Dr. Cox: I'm sorry, would you please repeat the question?
Carla: Are you just gonna roll over like that?
Jordan: That's weird, I asked him the same thing last night.
Carla: Where's the outrage? The anger? The hate?
Jordan: Again, last night!

Carla: You've gone soft.
Jordan: [Gasps] Okay, now it's getting spooky.

Dr. Cox: They hate you Bob. They hate from the bottom of your hooves to the top of your pitchfork. They hate you. By God, they hate you good.
Dr. Kelso: [threateningly, to Nurse Roberts, who is chuckling] What is so funny?
Nurse Roberts: Oh just the hooves and pitchfork part.
[much more threateningly]
Nurse

Roberts: Why?
Dr. Kelso: [Frightened] Uh, no reason.

Dr. Cox: Oh, gosh, Shannon, thank you so much for clarifying my point by repeating it word for word. And now, in a reciprocal gesture, can I be included in the planning of your coming-out party?
J.D.: Is that a gay joke?
Dr. Cox: No, it's a cotillion joke. My God, Newbie, it's been two furiously frustrating years - how is it possible

that you still don't get me? I would never compare you to the gays. I like the gays - I like their music, I like their sense of style, I especially like what they've done with Halloween - but our thing is that you are a little girl. That's who you are. But that's really not fair...
J.D.: [thinking] Man, once Dr. Cox gets on a roll, there's nothing that can derail him.

Carla: [speaking from the desk behind them] My mom died.
[the two guys turn to look at her, speechless with concern]
J.D.: [thinking] Except that.

Dr. Cox: You are, in fact, a perfectly healthy 26-year-old doctor who keeps whining about how horrible his father was.
J.D.: Well, he did some considerable emotional damage, so...
Dr. Cox: Every one of our parents does considerable emotional damage, and from what I've heard, it just might be the best part of being a parent. Now, if

some guy ever does put a ring on your finger and you're lucky enough to pop out a youngster, I'm sure you'll understand. But for now, believe me when I tell you I wouldn't care if this was the first time you ever met your daddy. Because, in reality... well, he could have done a much, much worse job.

[a strange smell appears during surgery]
Dr. Wen: I don't know where that smell came from.
Todd: Uh, sir?
Dr. Wen: What is it, do you see something?
Todd: Sir, I farted. That smell was from the fart that I made.
Chris Turk: Dude.
Dr. Wen: Get the Hell out

of my O.R.!

Elliot: Dr. Cox!
Dr. Cox: I'm hoping for your sake there's another Dr. Cox sitting right behind me.
Elliot: I'm not sure what you were trying to teach me by sending me to Dr. Kelso.
Dr. Cox: The value, and this is important, of leaving me alone.
Elliot: I think we both know there's a

little more to it than that.
Dr. Cox: No, trust me, there's not. Listen, missie, I want you to spread the word. I've... had... enough! The next whiney intern coming to me for a cookie and a hug, I swear to Aïsha, I'm going to hurt!
[Dr. Cox jumps over the couch]
Dr. Cox: And you, you one-man freakshow, take your blah-blah to the

blah-blah-psychologist, because if you are so stupid to confront the chief of medicine over some quasi-offensive endearment, then you've just gotta go ahead and change the captain of your brainship, because he's drunk at the wheel.
Elliot: You're right, you're absolutely right. I have to learn to pick my battles. Thank you so much.
[Elliot leaves the room]

Dr. Cox: Y... you're welcome.

[Trying to explain to Elliot that he'd perfer not having a kid watch his dad's surgery, but can't say much since the kid is right there]
Elliot: [In french] Do you speak french?
Chris Turk: You know, I did learn a little when my high school class went to France, but that was just stuff to pick up chicks.
Elliot: [French] I

really think it would make Tyler feel better if he could watch, ok?
[Turk is lost]
Chris Turk: [Bad French] I have... an... Eiffel Tower... in my pants.
Elliot: What?
Chris Turk: [Bad French] Grapefruit!

[to J.D. and Elliot]
Dr. Cox: Ah, damn. I missed the annual sleep-over, didn't I? That wonderful time of the year when you two crazy kids throw all caution to the wind and make sweet, ellbowy love to each other. Don't you be shy. You can tell Uncle Coxy about the naughtay.
Elliot: Dr. Cox, I lost my apartment and I was just needing a place to stay...

Dr. Cox: ...so you went over to your friend's house and cried on his shoulder - boo-hoo-wah - and you of course comforted her because she was weak and vulnerable and blah, blah, blah, nerdy sex, the end. Dear lord, Laverne, how in God's name do you listen to this crap all day long?
Nurse Roberts: Are you kidding? If he turns out to be her brother,

this is better than my stories.

Elliot: I put all those flyers up and no one wants me to live with them.
J.D.: Oh, c'mon, Elliot, I'm sure you'll eventually find a roommate who's a clean non-smoking vegetarian that rinses the shower thoroughly after each usage.
Elliot: Well, if you don't it gets mildewy.
J.D.: You should live with my friend,

Anal McLooney.