Scary Movie 4
Scary Movie 4

Holly: [after farting for an awkwardly long time in front of the court house people] I'm not in my house, am I?

Scary Movie 4
Scary Movie 4

[a terrorist jumps out of a van during the TriPod invasion. He has several sticks of dynamite strapped to him]
Terrorist: AHA! Death to America!
[he presses the trigger for the bomb, but it doesn't go off]
Terrorist: Oh, shit!
[a man runs up to him and knees him in the stomach, dropping him to the floor. About a dozen more people come

and beat up the terrorist]
Crowd: Kill him! Kill him!

Scary Movie 4
Scary Movie 4

Saw Villain: Enjoy your purple nurple, Tom.

Scary Movie 4
Scary Movie 4

Narrator: And so, love triumphed in the end and the invaders were destroyed. For this world, our world is the world of man. We have earned the right to live here and as long as we love, humanity will prevail. Each of our enemies has failed in their quest to defeat us. Each has been undone by their own nefarious plans. Among all worlds, across all galaxies, we stand above, we stand

alone. None can threaten our existence, none can challenge our spirit. And why? Of all the qualities that make us unique, it is love that is our greatest strength. And because of love, mankind...
[Narrator gets hit by a bus]

Scary Movie 4
Scary Movie 4

Oliver: We gotta find a way to take out these tripods. I heard that the Japs took out a few of 'em over in Kikkoman.
Tom Ryan: Kikkoman. That's- That's a soy sauce.
Oliver: Right, yeah. Low sodium.

Scary Movie 4
Scary Movie 4

President Harris: I'm here today at the...
[looks at the U.N emblem]
President Harris: ... un.

Scary Movie 4
Scary Movie 4

Jigsaw: [to Shaquille O'Neal and Dr. Phil] You're both here because you like playing games with people.

Scary Movie 4
Scary Movie 4

Brenda Meeks: [after sleeping with Zoltar] What? We at peace now, I was just sealing the deal.

Scary Movie 4
Scary Movie 4

Tom Ryan: Hey, you look great for being pregnant.
Marilyn: I'm not pregnant!

Scary Movie 4
Scary Movie 4

Cindy Campbell: Last night I saw a face.
Tom Ryan: Did it have a nose?
Cindy Campbell: Well... yeah.
Tom Ryan: That does sound like a face.

Scary Movie 4
Scary Movie 4

Secret Service Agent: Mr. President, the country is under attack by aliens.
President Harris: I'll deal with that later. Right now I want to find out what happens to the duck.
Secret Service Agent: More people will die!
President Harris: The people will die regardless. But this duck still has a fighting

chance.
Secret Service Agent: Sir, I've read the book. The duck dies!
[the President spits milk all over the elementary school kids]
President Harris: Good God! That's horrible!

Scary Movie 4
Scary Movie 4

Harper: Sir, you're naked too!
President Harris: I am? I thought this was a wrinkly leather coat!
[points to his nipples]
President Harris: Then these aren't buttons?
Harper: No.
President Harris: And I've been pulling this thing up and down as if it was a zipper!

Scary Movie 4
Scary Movie 4

C. J.: [Mahalik reaches over C.J. for a bag of nuts] Hey, what you doing?
Mahalik: Relax man. I'm just trying to grab some nuts.
Mahalik: [reaches over Mahalik for his bag of peanuts] C.J., what are you doin'?
C. J.: I just wanna eat some peanuts.
Mahalik: Huh?
C.

J.: [holds up a bag of peanuts] See? Peanuts.

Scary Movie 4
Scary Movie 4

Tom Ryan: I've never been a good parent. Just ask my son.
Cindy Campbell: I did. What exactly is an "Ass Clown"?
Tom Ryan: That's not important right now.

Scary Movie 4
Scary Movie 4

Shaquille O'Neal: [Trying to saw through his chains] AHHH! This will never work.
Dr. Phillip C. McGraw: Of course, he wants us to cut through our feet.
Shaquille O'Neal: You go first.
Dr. Phillip C. McGraw: Bullshit!
Shaquille O'Neal: Yeah, you're probably not man enough. I guess your

momma was right.
Dr. Phillip C. McGraw: Never!
[Holds up saw]
Dr. Phillip C. McGraw: Who's the coward now, momma?
[Starts cutting through his foot]

Scary Movie 4
Scary Movie 4

Tom Ryan: [singing weakly to his daughter] You want this money, then you gotta be a bad bitch...

Scary Movie 4
Scary Movie 4

Tom's Neighbor #1: Why is the sky so dark?
Tom's Neighbor #2: Why is the wind moving toward the storm?
Tom's Neighbor #3: [sees laundry flapping in the wind] Why doesn't anyone have dryers?

Scary Movie 4
Scary Movie 4

Henry Hale: Martha I believe you have some tidings?
Female Elder #2: Nathaniel Winston and Alice Smith have informed me of there intentions. He plans to have sex with her as soon as possible; she intends to put up a mild fight and then give in.
[elderly women sitting in chair nods her head in agreement]

Scary Movie 4
Scary Movie 4

Tom Ryan: I'm not a very good father. Just ask my son.
Cindy Campbell: I did. What exactly is a "taint-licker"?
Tom Ryan: That's not important right now.

Scary Movie 4
Scary Movie 4

Brenda: Hey, Cindy! Look, I'm on TV, y'all! Check it out! I'm gonna give a shout out to all my peeps!
[Jigsaw turns round and slaps Brenda in the face]
Brenda: HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?
[bashing Jigsaw's face into the camara]
Brenda: NO ONE... BITCH SLAPS... BRENDA!
Saw Villain: Zoltar, help!

[Zoltar comes in and hits Brenda over the head with a metal pipe]
Saw Villain: Oh, oh! This is some bullshit!
[Brenda grabs the pipe and wacks Jigsaw with it before pushing Zoltar out of view]