71 Scary Movie 4 Quotes (2024)

Scary Movie 4

Henry Hale: I fear the presence of the outsiders will attract those of whom we do not speak.
Female Elder #2: But if you talk about those of whom we do not speak, have you not spoken of that about which we do not talk.
Henry Hale: Do not speak of that of about which we talk of not speaking... about.

Scary Movie 4

President Harris: [to the U.N] So, an Indian, a Frenchman, and the Pope are all on a plane. The pilot says, "Hey, are any of you not circumcised?" So the Pope lifts up his robe and says, "Shut up, stupid! You don't even speak English!" The Israeli asks the Japanese guy to open his eyes, but the Japanese man says, "I'm not squinting you crazy Jew, you're the one who sold me these

cheap glasses!" What's the difference between a Belgian and a lump of dog shit? The Belgian drinks wine, but the dog shit smells good.

Scary Movie 4

Brenda: This is some shit, up with which we will not put.

Scary Movie 4

Brenda: [having a nightmare] Lil' Kim- Lil' Kim got my sandwich. Look out- Russell Crowe's got a phone! R.Kelly, don't pee on me! MY LOVELY LADY LUMPS! Where are we?
Cindy Campbell: I'm not sure, but I think were close. It's supposed to be near mile 62.
Brenda: Is something wrong?
Cindy Campbell: No, it's

just... I met this guy, and I wonder if he's safe. Oh, you'd love him, Brenda.
Brenda: What's his name? I might've already loved him.
Cindy Campbell: Tom Ryan.
Brenda: Yeah, did him. Big, fat Chinese guy?
Cindy Campbell: No... No.
Cindy Campbell: [relieved] But he is the kind of

guy I'd like to share the rest of my life with.

Scary Movie 4

Robbie: Dad, talk to me! What's happening?
Tom Ryan: There's no time to explain.
[a man runs past the window, screaming]
'Alien Attack!': Alien attack!
Tom Ryan: Well, actually, that about sums it up.

Scary Movie 4

[Unrated Version]
Tom Ryan: I've never been a good parent. Just ask my son.
Cindy Campbell: I did. What exactly is an "cock monger"?
Tom Ryan: That's not important right now.

Scary Movie 4

Tom Ryan: [his car is getting attacked by a mob] Don't worry kids. The doors are locked. There's no possible way they can
[a punch flies through the window and dazes him]
Tom Ryan: build the robot out of chocolate. But, that's just common sense. Oh, waiter!

Scary Movie 4

President Harris: [farts] There goes that duck again.

Scary Movie 4

Oliver: This ain't a war, anymore than a war between men and maggots. Or, dragons and wolves. Or, men riding dragons, throwing wolves at maggots.

Scary Movie 4

Brenda Meeks: Here's Detroit.
[Points to a TV showing a destroyed city]
Brenda Meeks: Here's Detroit after the invasion.
[City is still destroyed, but now tripods are roaming around]

Scary Movie 4

President Harris: I just don't get kids. Remind me to sign that abortion bill.

Scary Movie 4

Saw Villain: Zoltar come look! This one is actually going to do it.

Scary Movie 4

Tom Ryan: Ever since the divorce it's like my life has no purpose. Half the time, I walk around feeling like a zombie!
C. J.: Yo, don't joke about zombies. That shit there - that's real.
Mahalik: Yo, you know Nashawn, down on 120th Street?
C. J.: Yeah.
Mahalik: She told me that she

heard a zombie going through her trash the other day. The next morning, she turned up missing.
Tom Ryan: Uh...
C. J.: [C.J. interrupts] What? Okay, back up. How in the hell do you "turn up missing"?
Mahalik: 'Cause nobody knows where you are when they realize you ain't there!
Tom Ryan: Guys, I'm trying

to ask...
C. J.: [C.J. interrupts again] So you telling me that you can appear and disappear at the same time.
Mahalik: No, man. You can't appear and disappear at the same time. The bitch ain't David Copperfield!
Tom Ryan: Uh, guys...
C. J.: [C.J. interrupts yet again] Mmm. No, no. But you can't be gone

from one place and show up somewhere else entirely. So when you turn up, you're never missing. And when you're missing, you never turn up.
Mahalik: Unless... you a zombie.
C. J.: Damn! Hey, that's some plausible shit right there. You should blog about that.
Mahalik: I'm gonna put that on MySpace.
C. J.:

You do that!

Scary Movie 4

Saw Villain: Tell me you didn't catch anything.
Zoltar: No, it's cool. She said she was a virgin.
Saw Villain: [sighs] We are so fucked.

Scary Movie 4

Brenda Meeks: [Mouthing] You and me should get it on!
Jeremiah: Elder Hale. We should welcome the outsiders among us.
Henry Hale: Jeremiah, ought not your tongue be held?
Jeremiah: I am sorry, Elder Hale... but sometimes my tongue wiggles beyond my ability to control it.
Brenda Meeks:

This is a problem with which I have had much experience. Maybe I could help him in a room in which there are no others. Or you can all watch. I don't give a shit.

Scary Movie 4

[first lines]
Shaquille O'Neal: [screaming] Help! Help! Am I dead?
Dr. Phillip C. McGraw: You're not dead. You've been taken against your will.
Shaquille O'Neal: Kobe?

Scary Movie 4

[From Trailer]
Tom Ryan: [after hitting Cindy with a baseball] Oh, hey, I'm sorry!
Cindy Campbell: Oh, it's okay. I've taken balls to the face before.

Scary Movie 4

Saw Villain: Let the game begin.
Cindy Campbell: I... I don't get.
Saw Villain: Okay... maybe this will help you "see."
[a knife comes out from the wall]
Cindy Campbell: You want me to cut something?
Saw Villain: That should be obvious, yes.
[she goes to cut her wrist]

Saw Villain: No.
[she reaches out to cut Brenda's shoulder]
Saw Villain: No! The key is behind your eye, okay?

#game

Scary Movie 4

Tom Ryan: [Puts gun down the back of his pants and it goes off] Ow! My ass.
[Puts gun down the front of his pants and it goes off]
Tom Ryan: Penis!