My view of life is, 'If you're going to miss Heaven, why miss it by two inches? Miss it!
AIDS is a horrible disease, and the people who catch it deserve compassion.
Not that I want to put the entire rap music style down - I just don't like it. And I know somewhere there's gotta be another guy like that. There's gotta be a guy just like that - just like me. There's gotta be somebody, somewhere... Maybe, maybe an assassin type.
In the 1990s, it's OK to do comedy about the Chernobyl disaster or the Space Shuttle blowing up. It's acceptable to ridicule the Pope or the President of the United States, but God forbid you do a joke... about gays. The gay community is the last sacred cow in this society.
You don't know what a rough crowd is. If all I have to do is go make people laugh, that's nothing. Let me tell you what a tough crowd is. A tough crowd is going to a morning service and you got six people there and you gotta pat your house payment. That's a tough crowd.
I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.
Jim Bakker. He's lost everything, he's ruined. And the worst thing of all he still has to wake up to her!
Society needs a couple of vents that say what you're not supposed to say.
When has stand-up comedy been kind to anyone? It goes after anyone who's the target. Comedy attacks, man.
I'm so tired of men who are afraid to hurt women's feelings.
I guess my main influences are Jesus, rock 'n' roll and ex-wives. In that order.
It was great to be the rock comic, the shock comic. But after you've played Giants Stadium with Bon Jovi in front of 82,000 people, after you've done the 'Wild Thing' video with Jessica Hahn and every rock band from hell, you're not gonna top that.
Stand-up comedy is an art form and it dies unless you expand it.
Jesus is still up in Heaven, thumbing through his Bible, going 'Where did I say build a water slide?'
It was like going to church, except Ozzy Osbourne was there.
I guess they're tough jokes. But there's lots of things you either laugh or cry at. And you just can't cry.
Real comedy doesn't just make people laugh and think, but makes them laugh and change.
I started saying things in church that didn't meet with a lot of approval - like 'Jesus isn't coming back.' They started throwing Bibles.
Rage only works if it is justified. That's the trick with rage. You gotta have a reason to be mad.
Just because I do a few comedy bits about gay people, that does not mean I'm out there promoting some anti-gay cause.
