Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Forgetting Sarah Marshall

[after faking an orgasm to upstage Peter and Rachel in the next room]
Aldous Snow: You're still involved with him next door, ain't ya?
Sarah Marshall: Excuse me?
Aldous Snow: You should've seen yourself at dinner, Sarah. Then you came back here and put on that ghastly performance. I mean I've heard that women do fake orgasms,

but I've never seen one. It really deeply upset me.
Sarah Marshall: You should've seen *yourself* at dinner.
[Imitating Aldous's accent]
Sarah Marshall: "Oh, I'm Aldous Snow! Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. Oh no drinks for me thanks. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit!"
Sarah Marshall: [Pointing to his tattoos]

[In normal accent]
Sarah Marshall: And you know what? Let me tell you something about these tattoos, okay. That is Buddhist, that is Nordic, that is Hindu, that's just gibberish. They are completely conflicting ideologies, and that does not make you a citizen of the world, it makes you full of shit!
Aldous Snow: Was that genuine or did you fake

that? Right, I'm probably gonna clear off now. I'll have a little sleep for a few hours, then I'm probably gonna go in the morning. Okay.
Sarah Marshall: I hate your music.
Aldous Snow: Yeah, well I fucked the housekeeper, the other day.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Forgetting Sarah Marshall

Surfing Instructor: When life gives you lemons, just say 'Fuck the lemons,' and bail.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Forgetting Sarah Marshall

Dwayne the Bartender: He turned down a blow job from his ex-girlfriend... mid-blowjob. You know how hard that is for a man? It's called blue balls. He's like Gandhi! But better - he likes puppets!

Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Forgetting Sarah Marshall

Surfing Instructor: [singing to himself] # Oh the weather outside is weather... #

Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Forgetting Sarah Marshall

Peter Bretter: [singing] Everybody hates you. Everybody wishes that you were dead. Peter you suck. Peter you suck. Peter your music is fucking terrible. Peter you suck, Peter you suck. You don't do anything of value. Peter you suck. Go write some music. But instead you sit and write these bullshit songs. It's so self-loathing. Go see a psychiatrist. I hate the psychiatrist. Go see

one anyway.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Forgetting Sarah Marshall

Darald: What's the state fish of Hawaii?
Dwayne the Bartender: The Humuhumunukunukuapua'a. Yeah, bitch!

Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Forgetting Sarah Marshall

Aldous Snow: [holding a single sandal] I've lost a shoe... have you seen it anywhere? Excuse me, missus, I've lost a shoe... like this one. It's like this one's fellow... it's sort of the exact opposite in fact of that - not an evil version but just, you know, a shoe like this... but for the other foot. Otherwise I'd have two right...

Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Forgetting Sarah Marshall

Matthew: I have a question for you real quick Mr S, I was actually meaning to ask you, what did you exactly think of my demo? Did you get it? Did you get it?
Aldous Snow: Oh no. I was gonna listen to that, but then I just carried on living my life.
Matthew: Just not at all?
Aldous Snow: No I didn't, because

I've got my instincts and they weren't good.
Matthew: [whispering] Fuck you. Okay? Go fuck yourself. I can't yell right now, cause I'll get fired, and my boss ll' hear me, and then I won't be able to pay off my student loans, but you know what? You're an asshole. I fucking hate you. I bought all your records, this whole fucking time I've been trying to get you to come hang

out with me. I'm gonna have people fuck with your food the rest of your trip! You fucking dick!
[leaves]
Aldous Snow: I like him. That's quite moving.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Forgetting Sarah Marshall

Rachel Jansen: [on the phone] Peter
Peter Bretter: Sarah?
Rachel Jansen: No, Rachel Jansen from the front desk whats going on up there, we're getting calls about a woman crying hysterically
Peter Bretter: Yeah, y'know,I hear it too, it sounds like she's having a tough time, I think its coming from the floor

above me
Rachel Jansen: You're on the top floor.
Peter Bretter: I'll try to keep it down.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Forgetting Sarah Marshall

Kemo: Are those sad tissues or happy tissues?

Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Forgetting Sarah Marshall

Aldous Snow: Awful bloody film. I say, it's just a ridiculous premise. What would happen if your mobile phone killed you? Why would a mobile phone kill anyone? Doesn't make sense. How can a mobile phone have an agenda and kill people...
Peter Bretter: I told her that when she read the script
Aldous Snow: Yeah, you were the voice of

reason, mate.
Peter Bretter: I tried to be, but she didn't listen.
Aldous Snow: Going around killing people. A mobile phone, like doing murders.
Peter Bretter: Why couldn't you just take the battery out of the phone?
Aldous Snow: Right. That's it. The battle's over.
Peter

Bretter: Yeah, we've won.
Aldous Snow: I hated it.
Sarah Marshall: Well, it's not for everyone, but it...
Peter Bretter: No, it's ridiculous. Here's my favorite scene. Hello?
[Peter feigns death]
Aldous Snow: Right. I could never happen.
Sarah Marshall: It's a

metaphor for addiction to technology.
Rachel Jansen: For society, how we're reliant on technology. I get it. I'm with you.
Aldous Snow: It's a metaphor for a crap movie.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Forgetting Sarah Marshall

Dwayne the Bartender: I don't understand what there is to think about.
Rachel Jansen: Because, Dee... he...
Dwayne the Bartender: She licked the tip. That doesn't count.
Rachel Jansen: Of course it counts, he...
Dwayne the Bartender: He what? He refused a blow job from his ex-girlfriend

mid blow job. Do you know what that's like for a man? It's called blue balls, Rachel. This guy's like Gandhi, but better; he likes puppets. I love puppets. I love Fraggle Rock. I love Lamb Chop. I love Elmo, Sesame Street, Burt and Ernie, Snuffleupagus? Fucks my shit UP.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Forgetting Sarah Marshall

Surfing Instructor: If you get bitten by a shark, you're not just gonna give up surfing, are you?
Peter Bretter: Yeah, probably.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Forgetting Sarah Marshall

Brian: You don't need to put your P in a V right now.
Peter Bretter: No, I need to B my L on someone's T's.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Forgetting Sarah Marshall

Peter Bretter: Hey are you Chuck?
Surfing Instructor: Man they won't change that stupid flyer, Chuck's my mainland name, my Hawaiian names Koodu
Peter Bretter: Oh sorry
Surfing Instructor: Its cool, its all good
Peter Bretter: So does Koodu have some cool Hawaiian meaning?

Surfing Instructor: It means Chuck

Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Forgetting Sarah Marshall

Sarah Marshall: [Peter can't perform in bed] What's wrong with you?
Peter Bretter: Nothing is *wrong* with me.
Sarah Marshall: Okay...
Peter Bretter: Just something doesn't feel right.
Sarah Marshall: Okay, well did you, you know what? Did you drink today? Because sometimes when you

drink...
Peter Bretter: Excuse me. No, I haven't had anything to drink today. Maybe the problem is that you broke my heart into a million pieces and so my cock doesn't want to be around you anymore! Okay? EVER! Because you know what I just realized? You're the goddamn devil!

Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Forgetting Sarah Marshall

Surfing Instructor: Come on out. Oh, the weather outside is weather...

Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Forgetting Sarah Marshall

Brian: You gotta get your shit together, man.
Peter Bretter: I'm trying to. It's so hard here. Brian, everywhere I look I'm reminded of her, okay? Like, she got me this, okay because I would always leave my cereal boxes open, and the cereal would get stale, and so one day I came home, and she had this waiting for me, because it keeps my cereal fresh. And

now I have the freshest cereal.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Forgetting Sarah Marshall

Surfing Instructor: You sound like you're from London!

Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Forgetting Sarah Marshall

Surfing Instructor: I like her hair. I wonder if the carpet matches her pubes.