[from trailer]
Daniel Lugo: [to a little boy] Don't eyeball me! I've seen your mother driving up and down these streets looking at me! I'll be your stepfather in about a week!
Paul Doyle: Why'd you make me do that to you, Victor? I have responsibilities! Jesus Christ himself has blessed me with many gifts! One of them is knocking someone the fuck out!
[from trailer]
Daniel Lugo: My name is Daniel Lugo, and I believe in fitness. All this began because it was time to push myself harder, otherwise I was looking at another forty years wearing sweatpants to work...
Daniel Lugo: Life's gonna give me another set. I know it will.
Daniel Lugo: I have no sympathy for people who squander their gifts. It's sickening. It's worse than sickening. It's unpatriotic.
[from trailer]
Victor Kershaw: I'm a self-made man. I've made a lot of money!
Daniel Lugo: Why don't you spend some of it on salads?
Victor Kershaw: You know who invented salads? Poor people!
Paul Doyle: Jesus Christ himself has blessed me with many gifts, one of them is knocking someone the fuck out!
Daniel Lugo: Sometimes God just fucks up your order and you gotta chow down on that shitty shame sandwich.
[from trailer]
Paul Doyle: You said no violence!
Daniel Lugo: And I meant it when I said it, I swear to God...
Paul Doyle: I can NOT kill!
Daniel Lugo: Duly noted! Look, I promise when this is over, we'll all go camping, OK?
Paul Doyle: OK...
Johnny Wu: Get a Goal. Get a plan. And get up off your ass!
Daniel Lugo: In the end after reviewing our past performance, we could come to only one conclusion. We're so much better when we wing it.
Daniel Lugo: If you're willing to do the work, you can have anything. That's what makes the U.S. of A great. When it started, America was just a handful of scrawny colonies. Now, it's the most buff, pumped-up country on the planet. That's pretty rad.
Adrian Doorbal: I'm a man who just got married and his penis don't work.
Paul Doyle: There is life after death. Of that, I am sure. But I'm also pretty sure dead people no longer need their stuff.
[from trailer]
Paul Doyle: We go through with this, nobody gets hurt right?
Daniel Lugo: No, man! We snatch him, we grab him, signs a few signature, we give him a protein shake! He dunnit even know what happened! I watched a lot of movies Paul, I know what I'm doing!
Paul Doyle: You know why habit rhymes with rabbit? Because your life goes down a rabbit hole.
[first lines]
Daniel Lugo: [groaning and grunting out his situps] I'm hot! I'm big!
Daniel Lugo: [sees a squad of police cars] Fuck!
