I think clever people think that poor people are stupid.
Comedy is surprises, so if you're intending to make somebody laugh and they don't laugh, that's funny.
In math, you could get 100 percent. It was very fair. That's what I liked about math. You could figure it out, and the teacher couldn't have a stupid opinion about it.
All my life's about is cracking up people and them cracking me up and trying not to think about dying. That doesn't cost very much money.
I'm not gay, so I don't know much about Broadway musicals.
It got very tedious saying the same jokes in the same way with the same attitude.
When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that's a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous.
I'd say Jon Stewart has remained funny the entire time. Jon always makes it funny first. And he's just, he's talking about serious things, but in a funny way. Other comedians will talk about serious things in a serious way, and then you don't know what's going on.
I don't know anything about politics. Like, zero. Nothing.
With the computer and stuff, the difference between a rich guy and a poor guy, to me, is nothing. Because I don't like big houses, I don't drive a car, so you know, I just live in a small apartment and I have my computer, which is really cool.
My dad had this thing - everyone in Canada wants to play hockey; that's all they want to do. So when I was a kid, whenever we skated my dad would not let us on the ice without hockey sticks, because of this insane fear we would become figure skaters!
I miss seeing real comics, Shecky Greene and Buddy Hackett, those types. I like straight stand-up, talking about the Olympics and why I feel obligated to watch them. 'Why am I watching archery at 4 in the afternoon?'
If you're watching a comedian on television and he's making a political point, I would say he's gotten too serious.
I'm no good at anything but comedy, which I think I'm good at. I'm absolutely no good at networking; I'm terrible at acting; I'm terrible at dealing with executives; I'm terrible at collaborating. And I say whatever I want to say. But I think I'm good enough at comedy that I can survive. And I don't really have an ambition for money.
I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.
I just like doing standup, that's all I'm interested in or good at.
So much in L.A. is waiting. It's so irritating. That's what's good about stand-up. You can go away, and you don't have to sit and wait by your phone. But it is very frustrating.
You can't love your team without hating another team.
I don't know anything about politics. I wouldn't put too much into my prediction on politics.
When I was a kid, everybody that played golf was an old man. Until Tiger showed up, they weren't in very good shape.
