The only way I can cope is to lock myself in the bathroom and cry. Sometimes I sit there for hours and even eat my lunch sitting on the toilet floor. Anything to get peace and quiet.
I only had one boyfriend my whole life, and I never loved him.
I hate babies.
I do not like babies who cry.
I'm disgusted by babies, and I'm so sorry, I'm just being honest. They make me sick.
My biggest challenge is my severely autistic son.
As 'Octomom,' I was the walking dead. When I woke up and I went back to my roots, my helping profession, and my kids, we were struggling financially, but it didn't matter. I never felt so free and so happy in my life.
What bothers me and hurts me is the fact that people assumed I was a bad mom.
That was always a dream of mine, to have a large family, a huge family.
I just longed for certain connections and attachments with another person that I really lacked, I believe, growing up.
I didn't feel as though, when I was a child, I had much control of my environment. I felt powerless. And that gave me a sense of predictability.
Reflecting back on my childhood, I know it wasn't functional. It was pretty, pretty dysfunctional, and whose isn't?
I wanted to be a mom. That's all I ever wanted in my life.
I love my children.
I learn more from my kids then I have any professor in all my life.
I couldn't even imagine kissing something.
There's probably one man out of 6.6 million in the world for me.
I never wanted this... to be in the public eye.
Everything a parent chooses to do in their life will forever haunt their kids.
I screwed up my life. I screwed up my kids' lives.
