Meet the Fockers Quotes

[the Fockers' outgoing message]
Bernie Focker: Hello, you've reached the Fockers. We're not around, so leave us a message. Goodbye. Roz, how the hell do you shut this thing off?
Roz Focker: I have no idea. Just press a button.
Bernie Focker: All right, I'm pretty sure it's off. Honey, you want a chimichanga?
Roz

Focker: I thought they give you gas.
Bernie Focker: A little bit, but it's worth it.
Roz Focker: Yeah, worth it for you, but I'm the one that gets the fumes.
Bernie Focker: Honey, I'm in the mood for a chimichanga!
Roz Focker: So make a chimichang...
[beep]

Jack Byrnes: I don't care if they did call you Larry Poppins. You are completely unfit to handle a child.
Greg Focker: It was Barry Poppins.
Jack Byrnes: What kind of sick cocktail were you going to make my grandson?
Roz Focker: Jack, the baby's teething. I told Greg to give him some rum to ease the pain.

Jack Byrnes: It was your idea?
Roz Focker: Yes.
Jack Byrnes: What is wrong with you people?
Bernie Focker: You people?
Dina Byrnes: I used to rub bourbon on Denny's gums.
Jack Byrnes: Yeah! Look what happened to him. Greg, you couldn't follow a simple set of

instructions?
Greg Focker: Jack. he was screaming. So I went in and I gave him a little attention. Okay?
Jack Byrnes: He's learning to self-soothe. These setbacks are disastrous for his devlopment.
Roz Focker: The child is adorable, but you're not raising Little Buddha over here.
Greg Focker: Mom.

Jack Byrnes: What are you saying?
Roz Focker: I'm saying that I have seen that kid eat at least 15 boogers since he's been here and and I've got news for you, Jack, prodigies don't eat there own boogers.
Jack Byrnes: And I've got news for you. Prodigies don't come in 10th place every time either.
Pam

Byrnes: Okay, Dad. That's my fiance.
Jack Byrnes: I'm sorry. It's just that I've never seen people celebrate mediocrity the way you do.
Roz Focker: Because we love our son? We hug our son? Let's get down to it. The truth is, you're so concerned about that Little Jack, but I think that it's the Little Jack in you that is crying out for a hug.

Jack Byrnes: The Little Jack in me?
[Greg is getting extremely frusrated]
Roz Focker: Jack, you have issues. I'm trying to understand why you run around with a rubber boob strapped to your chest. I mean, were you ever breastfed? My guess is no.
Jack Byrnes: Will you spare my the drugstore pyschology.
Greg

Focker: [everyone starts arguing] Everybody! All right. Everybody just... Everybody just STOP, okay?
[everyone is quiet]
Greg Focker: Jack, I am not going to make any excuses. Yes, Little Jack wouldn't stop crying so I gave him some hugs and I let him watch TV. I went to answer the phone, I was gone for a second, I came back, he let himself out of the

playpen, he put on Scarface, and he glued his hands to the rum bottle. Okay? That's it.

Jack Byrnes: Greg, a man reaches a certain age when he realizes what's truely important. Do you know what that is?
Greg Focker: Love... friendship... enjoying the moment... living... just love.
Jack Byrnes: His legacy.
Greg Focker: That, too. Right, yeah. Sure.
Jack Byrnes: Let me put

it very simply. If your family's circle does indeed join my family's circle, they'll form a chain. I can't have a chink in my chain.

Bernie Focker: Is this not the most handsome young man you've ever seen in your life? Used to call him a young Jewish Marlon Brando. Can you believe I conceived him with one testicle? No really, it's true. I only have one because the other one never dropped. It's called an undescending testicle. It's uh, not uncommon. But look at him! Imagine what he would've looked like if I had

two!

Greg Focker: It's great to be here with all of you as I am about to set sail in my ship of life with my first mate, the beautiful, young blonde lass over there. Hey baby.
[blows her a kiss]
Greg Focker: I still masturbate to Pam.
Pam Byrnes: Greg.
Greg Focker: What? It's true. Honey, what? C'mon, you're

hot. Look at her! Look at those boobs. Man! I just wanna lather 'em up with soap and just
[shakes head making motorboat noise]
Greg Focker: . Man, I just want to nestle in there and take a little vacation in there.
Pam Byrnes: Honey.
Greg Focker: Honey, what? I'm sorry. Okay, excuse me for you being perfect! Hey, you

know who else is great? That woman over there, my future mother-in-law, Dina Byrnes! Dina Dina Bo-Bina Banana Fana Fo Fina. I love D-D-Dina Byrnes! You know they say if you really want to know what a woman's going to look like when she gets older, you should look at her mother. Well I'm lookin' and I'm likin'! Woo, look at her! Sweetness!
[chuckles]
Greg Focker: Good

genes. Byrnes gene pool.
[Spies Jorge]
Greg Focker: Hey, hey you! Hold on. Pam, I gotta tell you something about this little dude right here. In my first really passionate sexual awakening, I did, in fact lose my virginity to our beautiful housekeeper Isabel.
Pam Byrnes: Greg, honey, that was in the past so why don't you just come sit down?

Greg Focker: No, no, no, no, honey. 'Cause I have to get this off my chest. Really. We concieved a child. And his name is Jorge Villalobos. Come on up here, Jorge. Come up here. Let's lift the veil of mystery. The fruit of my loins is right here! Everybody take a look. See his face. He is mine. Search your feelings Jorge. You know it to be true. Yo soy tu papa.
[hugs

him]
Greg Focker: It's okay. I know. Lot of information. You let it settle. Who'da thunk it, huh? Come on, give that kid a hand. Oh, and Jack? Pam's pregnant. Focker out.
[passes out]

Jack Byrnes: You knew she was pregnant?
Dina Byrnes: We all did, Jack.
Pam Byrnes: Daddy, I was going to tell you after the wedding, I swear.
Jack Byrnes: This is the reason I created the circle of trust so we could discuss these things.
Pam Byrnes: But the circle isn't going to work if

you don't trust anyone that's in it, Dad.