[At the altar, just before Peter is married]
Peter: No surprises?
Mark: No surprises.
Peter: Not like the stag night?
Mark: Unlike the stag night.
Peter: Do you admit the Brazilian prostitutes were a mistake?
Mark: I do.
Peter: And
it would have been much better if they'd not turned out to be men?
Mark: That is true.
[Aurelia meets Juliet, Mark, and Peter in the airport]
Aurelia: Jamie's friends are so good looking! He never tells me this. I think, maybe now I have made the wrong choice? Picked wrong Englishman?
Jamie: She can't speak English properly, she-she doesn't know what she's saying.
[the Prime Minister is knocking on doors to find Natalie]
Harris Street old lady: Aren't you the Prime Minister?
Prime Minister: Yes, in fact, I am. Merry Christmas.
Harris Street old lady: Oh...!
Prime Minister: Part of the service, now. Trying to get round to everyone by New Year's Eve.
Jamie: Er... Would you like the last, uh...?
Aurelia: [in Portuguese] Thank you very much, but no.
Jamie: No?
Aurelia: [in Portuguese] If you saw my sister, you'd understand why.
Jamie: That's all right, more for me.
Aurelia: [in Portuguese] Just don't go eating
it all yourself, you're getting chubbier every day.
Jamie: I'm very lucky, I've got one of those constitutions where I never put on weight.
Daniel: So, let's go. We can definitely crack this. Remember, I was a kid once, too. So come on, it's someone at school, right?
Sam: Yeah.
Daniel: Aha, good, good. And what does she - he - feel about ya?
Sam: *She* doesn't even know my name. And even if she did, she'd despise me. She's the coolest girl in
school and everyone worships her because she's heaven.
Daniel: Good. Good.
[sits on the couch next to Sam]
Daniel: Well...
[grins]
Daniel: Basically, you're fucked, aren't you?
Juliet: I thought I might be able to swap it for some pie or... or maybe Munchies?
Mark: Actually, I was being serious. I don't know where it is. I'll have a poke around tonight...
Juliet: Mark, can I say something?
Mark: Yeah.
Juliet: I know you're Peter's best friend and I know you've
never particularly warmed to me. Look, don't... don't argue. We've never got friendly. But I just wanted to say, I hope that can change. I'm nice. I really am. Apart from my terrible taste in pie and... It would be great if we could be friends.
Mark: Absolutely.
Juliet: Great.
Mark: Doesn't mean we'll be able to find the
video, though. I had a real search when you first called and couldn't any trace of it, so...
Juliet: Well, there's one here that says "Peter and Juliet's Wedding". Do you think we might be on the right track?
Billy Mack: I left Elton's, where there were a hefty number of half-naked chicks with their mouths open, in order to hang out with you, at Christmas.
Joe: Well, Bill...
Billy Mack: It's a terrible, terrible mistake, Chubs, but you turn out to be the fucking love of my life. And to be honest, despite all my complaining, we have had a
wonderful life.
Sam: Daniel, I have a plan!
Daniel: Thank the Lord! Tell me.
Sam: Well, girls love musicians, don't they?
Daniel: Uh-huh.
Sam: Even the really weird ones get girlfriends.
Daniel: That's right. Meatloaf definitely got laid at least once. For God's sake, Ringo
Starr married a Bond girl!
Sam: [looks at him strangely] Whatever.
Billy Mack: When I was young and successful, I was greedy and foolish, and now I'm left with no one. Wrinkled and alone.
[at a Cabinet meeting]
Prime Minister: Who do you have to screw around here to get a cup of tea and a chocolate biscuit?
[Natalie walks in with a tea trolley and smiles demurely at the Prime Minister]
Daniel: You know, Sammy, I'm sure she's unique and extraordinary, but... the general wisdom is that, in the end, there isn't just one person for each of us.
Sam: There was for Kate and Leo. There was for you. There is for me.
[holds up one finger]
Sam: She's "the one".
Daniel: Fair enough.
Sam: By the way, I feel bad. I never asked you how your love life is going.
Daniel: [mock chuckles] No. As you know, that was a done deal long ago. Unless, of course, Claudia Schiffer calls, in which case I want you out of the house straight away, you wee motherless mongrel.
Sam: Oh?
Daniel: No, no, we'll want
to have sex in every room. Including yours.