Love Actually
Love Actually

Karen: So what's this big news, then?
Daisy: [excited] We've been given our parts in the nativity play. And I'm the lobster.
Karen: The lobster?
Daisy: Yeah!
Karen: In the nativity play?
Daisy: [beaming] Yeah, *first* lobster.
Karen: There

was more than one lobster present at the birth of Jesus?
Daisy: Duh.

Love Actually
Love Actually

[At the altar, just before Peter is married]
Peter: No surprises?
Mark: No surprises.
Peter: Not like the stag night?
Mark: Unlike the stag night.
Peter: Do you admit the Brazilian prostitutes were a mistake?
Mark: I do.
Peter: And

it would have been much better if they'd not turned out to be men?
Mark: That is true.

Love Actually
Love Actually

[Aurelia meets Juliet, Mark, and Peter in the airport]
Aurelia: Jamie's friends are so good looking! He never tells me this. I think, maybe now I have made the wrong choice? Picked wrong Englishman?
Jamie: She can't speak English properly, she-she doesn't know what she's saying.

Love Actually
Love Actually

[to a portrait of Margaret Thatcher]
Prime Minister: *You* have this kind of problem? Yeah... of course you did, you saucy minx!

Love Actually
Love Actually

[in the record studio, Billy breaks off singing "Christmas Is All Around"]
Billy Mack: This is shit, isn't it?
Joe: [gleefully] Yep, solid gold shit, maestro.

Love Actually
Love Actually

[having just sung the words "Love is all around me" instead of "Christmas is all around me" yet again]
Billy Mack: Oh! Fuck wank bugger shitting arse head and hole!

Love Actually
Love Actually

Karen: The trouble with being the Prime Minister's sister is, it does put your life into rather harsh perspective. What did my brother do today? He stood up and fought for his country. And what did I do? I made a papier maché lobster head.

Love Actually
Love Actually

[the Prime Minister is knocking on doors to find Natalie]
Harris Street old lady: Aren't you the Prime Minister?
Prime Minister: Yes, in fact, I am. Merry Christmas.
Harris Street old lady: Oh...!
Prime Minister: Part of the service, now. Trying to get round to everyone by New Year's Eve.

Love Actually
Love Actually

Jamie: Er... Would you like the last, uh...?
Aurelia: [in Portuguese] Thank you very much, but no.
Jamie: No?
Aurelia: [in Portuguese] If you saw my sister, you'd understand why.
Jamie: That's all right, more for me.
Aurelia: [in Portuguese] Just don't go eating

it all yourself, you're getting chubbier every day.
Jamie: I'm very lucky, I've got one of those constitutions where I never put on weight.

Love Actually
Love Actually

Daniel: So, let's go. We can definitely crack this. Remember, I was a kid once, too. So come on, it's someone at school, right?
Sam: Yeah.
Daniel: Aha, good, good. And what does she - he - feel about ya?
Sam: *She* doesn't even know my name. And even if she did, she'd despise me. She's the coolest girl in

school and everyone worships her because she's heaven.
Daniel: Good. Good.
[sits on the couch next to Sam]
Daniel: Well...
[grins]
Daniel: Basically, you're fucked, aren't you?

Love Actually
Love Actually

Juliet: I thought I might be able to swap it for some pie or... or maybe Munchies?
Mark: Actually, I was being serious. I don't know where it is. I'll have a poke around tonight...
Juliet: Mark, can I say something?
Mark: Yeah.
Juliet: I know you're Peter's best friend and I know you've

never particularly warmed to me. Look, don't... don't argue. We've never got friendly. But I just wanted to say, I hope that can change. I'm nice. I really am. Apart from my terrible taste in pie and... It would be great if we could be friends.
Mark: Absolutely.
Juliet: Great.
Mark: Doesn't mean we'll be able to find the

video, though. I had a real search when you first called and couldn't any trace of it, so...
Juliet: Well, there's one here that says "Peter and Juliet's Wedding". Do you think we might be on the right track?

Love Actually
Love Actually

Prime Minister: Ah, hello. Is, er, Natalie in?
Natalie: [coming down stairs] Where the fuck is my fucking coat?
[sees Prime Minister]
Natalie: Oh, hello.
Prime Minister: Hello.

Love Actually
Love Actually

Billy Mack: I left Elton's, where there were a hefty number of half-naked chicks with their mouths open, in order to hang out with you, at Christmas.
Joe: Well, Bill...
Billy Mack: It's a terrible, terrible mistake, Chubs, but you turn out to be the fucking love of my life. And to be honest, despite all my complaining, we have had a

wonderful life.

Love Actually
Love Actually

Karen: True love lasts a lifetime.

Love Actually
Love Actually

Sam: Daniel, I have a plan!
Daniel: Thank the Lord! Tell me.
Sam: Well, girls love musicians, don't they?
Daniel: Uh-huh.
Sam: Even the really weird ones get girlfriends.
Daniel: That's right. Meatloaf definitely got laid at least once. For God's sake, Ringo

Starr married a Bond girl!
Sam: [looks at him strangely] Whatever.

Love Actually
Love Actually

Billy Mack: When I was young and successful, I was greedy and foolish, and now I'm left with no one. Wrinkled and alone.

Love Actually
Love Actually

Mia: [the Prime Minister has knocked on Mia's door looking for Natalie] You're not who I think you are, are you?
Prime Minister: Yes, I'm afraid I am. And I'm sorry for all the cock-ups, my cabinet are absolute crap. We'll have to do better next year.

Love Actually
Love Actually

[at a Cabinet meeting]
Prime Minister: Who do you have to screw around here to get a cup of tea and a chocolate biscuit?
[Natalie walks in with a tea trolley and smiles demurely at the Prime Minister]

Love Actually
Love Actually

Daniel: You know, Sammy, I'm sure she's unique and extraordinary, but... the general wisdom is that, in the end, there isn't just one person for each of us.
Sam: There was for Kate and Leo. There was for you. There is for me.
[holds up one finger]
Sam: She's "the one".
Daniel: Fair enough.

Love Actually
Love Actually

Sam: By the way, I feel bad. I never asked you how your love life is going.
Daniel: [mock chuckles] No. As you know, that was a done deal long ago. Unless, of course, Claudia Schiffer calls, in which case I want you out of the house straight away, you wee motherless mongrel.
Sam: Oh?
Daniel: No, no, we'll want

to have sex in every room. Including yours.