Kiss Kiss Bang Bang Quotes

Perry: My $2000 ceramic Vektor my mother got me as a special gift. You threw in the lake next to the car. What happens when they drag the lake? You think they'll find my pistol. Jesus. Look up "idiot" in the dictionary. You know what you'll find?
Harry: A picture of me?
Perry: No! The definition of the word idiot, which you fucking

are!

Perry: [talking over the phone] We gotta move her somewhere. You got gloves?
Harry: [over the phone] Excuse me?
Perry: Gloves. Do you have gloves? You have to move her. If it's a frame-up, some asshole's probably calling the cops on you right now. Do this: wrap up the body in a blanket, a sheet, anything.

Harry: Okay, any particular kind of gloves?
Perry: [sarcastically] Yes, fawn. Will you fucking hurry!
Harry: Perry?
Perry: Yeah?
Harry: I peed on it.
Perry: What? You peed on what?
Harry: I peed on the corpse. Can they do, like, I.D. from

that?
Perry: I'm sorry, you peed on...?
Harry: On the corpse. My question is...
Perry: No, my question, I get to go first: Why in pluperfect hell would you pee on a corpse?
Harry: I didn't intend to! It's not like I did it for kicks!

Harry: Well what I'm doing for the guy who likes to bluff is I'm playing a little game called "Am I Bluffing?"
[Loads one round into the revolver to play Russian Roulette]
Harry: Where is she? Where the fuck is Harmony? You want to play hardball? I can do that.
[Spins the chamber and points the gun]
Harry: Where is the

girl?
[Shoots the guy in the head]
Perry: [Stuttering at first] What did you just do?
Harry: [Confused] I just put in one bullet, didn't I?
Perry: You put a live round in that gun?
Harry: Well yeah, there was like an 8% chance.
Perry: Eight? Who taught you math!

Harry: Yeah, boo, hiss, I know. Look, I hate it too. In movies where the studio gets all paranoid about a downer ending so the guy shows up, he's magically alive on crutches, I hate that. I mean shit, why not bring them all back?
[Everyone who has been killed in the movie starts meandering into the hospital room, including Abraham Lincoln; a nurse shoos them all out again.]

Harry: But the point is in this case, this time, it really happened. Perry, like, lived. Yeah, it's a dumb movie thing, but what do you want me to do, lie about it?
[even fat Elvis walks into the room for a couple of seconds, before being shooed out.]

Harry: What is it out here with these women?
Harmony: Oh please, Harry, they're no different from anywhere else.
Harry: Yes, they are. These are damaged goods, every one of them, from way back. I'm telling you, you take a guy who sleeps with 100 women a year, go into his childhood - dollars to doughnuts, it's relatively

unspectacular...
Harry: [putting a cigarette in his mouth] ... Now, you take one of these... gals, who sleeps with 100 guys a year, and I *bet* you if you look in their childhood, there's something rotten in Denver.
Harmony: Denmark.
Harry: [closing his cigarette lighter] That too! But it's abandonment, it's abuse, it's, "My

uncle put his ping-ping in my papa!"... and then they all come out here!
Harry: [continuing] I mean, it's literally like someone took America by the East Coast and *shook* it, and all the normal girls managed to hang on.
Harmony: OK, everyone who hates Harry raise your hand!
[all the girls in the club raise their hands]

Perry: See that? Obedient little bitches too.
[girl screams "Fuck you!" and throws a glass, which he dodges]

Harry: She had something, that gal tonight, this quality. You know, like the girl from high school, the one that got away that - you know what I mean? - that haunts you still.
Perry: Yeah, I had that.
Harry: You did?
Perry: Bobby Mills.
Harry: Eugh. Hunh. Well, maybe you should try to

get in touch with him. I got 5 bucks says you could still get him.
Perry: Really? That's funny. I got a 10 says pass the pepper. I got two quarters sing harmony on "Moonlight in Vermont".
Harry: What?
Harry: Talking money.
Harry: A talking monkey?
Perry: A talking monkey, yeah,

yeah. Came here from the future. Ugly sucker. Only says "ficus".

[Harry catches Agent Type feeling up Harmony, who's passed out]
Harry: You know what? You'd better be her doctor.
[Agent Type looks up, busted]
Harry: Walk away, don't think, just do it.
Agent Type: What are you, her brother or something? It's none of your business, man. I will fuck you up.

Harry: [coolly] No. You'll try, and that little experiment will end in tears, my friend. So, again for the cheap seats, do not think, walk the *fuck* away - or let's you and me go outside right now. It's past my bedtime. Make a choice.
[Cut immediately to Harry on the ground, getting savagely beaten by the Agent Type]