Kingsman: The Golden Circle Quotes

First Burly Guard: Sir Elton, stay here. We're under attack.
Elton John: Is it a rescue attempt?
First Burly Guard: Might be.
Elton John: [whispering] Yes!
[Elton starts playing his piano]
Elton John: [singing] Wednesday! Wednesday! Wednesday! Wednesday! Wednesday! Wednesday!

Wednesday! Wednesday! Wednesday night's all right! Hey!
First Burly Guard: Isn't that supposed to be Saturday?
Elton John: What day is it today?
First Burly Guard: Wednesday?
Elton John: Exactly!
[Elton stomps on the guard's foot and slams him into his piano]

Eggsy: Now we've finished the debrief, Harry, here's a couple of welcome back gifts. First up, a brand new Kingsman watch. Advanced software, it can hack into anything with a microchip. It is the bollocks. And, Merlin.
Merlin: I made you these.
[Merlin hands Harry an eyeglass case. Harry opens it]
Harry Hart: A-ha.

[Harry removes his eyepatch and puts on the new glasses]
Harry Hart: Thank you, Merlin, Eggsy. How do I look?
Merlin: You look...
Very Drunk Redneck: Like some faggot lookin' for an eye fuckin'. Now, why don't you get out of our bar before I take out your other one?
Whiskey: Now, is that any way to

welcome a visitor from out of town, moonshine?
Very Drunk Redneck: Okay. Suck my southern dick, bitch.
Harry Hart: Oh, I don't think that'll be necessary.
[gets up]
Harry Hart: Good day, sir.
[Harry walks towards the exit]
Very Drunk Redneck: Well, what are you ladies waiting for?

Harry Hart: [locking the front door] Manners... maketh... man. Do you know what that means? Then let me teach you a lesson.
[Harry slings a beer mug with his umbrella towards the redneck, but misses and Whiskey catches it. He approaches the redneck and his gang, but butterfly hallucinations surround his vision]
Harry Hart: Are we going to stand

around here all day, or are we going to...
[another redneck punches him from the left. Harry struggles to fight with the gang until Whiskey lassos him out of the way]
Whiskey: Well, pick him up. Now that is not what I call a Kentucky welcome. Manners... maketh... man. Let me translate that for you.
[Whiskey begins to rough up the rednecks with his lasso]

Harry Hart: What's wrong with me, Merlin? I thought you fixed me.
Merlin: Well, we rebuilt your neural pathways, but it'll take time to get your coordination back.
[Whiskey attacks the rednecks with his bull whip]
Harry Hart: And the phantom butterflies?
Merlin: You will experience episodes, lapses

of clarity. You'll be back to normal soon.
[Whiskey throws the last redneck out the window]
Whiskey: Whoo. I feel like a tornado in a trailer park.

[from trailer]
Poppy: My name is Poppy Adams, CEO of the Golden Circle. We engage in an aggressive business strategy, invest in the latest technology and take strict, disciplinary action. I'm speaking to you today because our world leaders have let us all down, so we are coming out of the shadows and taking over. And to make sure no one gets in our way... Kingsman is

crumpets!

[Harry and Eggsy toast each other]
Harry Hart: Cheers.
Eggsy: Are you sure I don't look like a dick?
Harry Hart: Look in the mirror.
[Eggsy approaches the mirror]
Harry Hart: What do you see?
Eggsy: Someone who can't believe what the fuck is going on.
Harry

Hart: I see a man who is honorable, brave, loyal, who's fulfilled his huge potential. A man who's done something good with his life.
Eggsy: I owe you everything, Harry. Thank you.
Harry Hart: Don't mention it. You ready?
Eggsy: Not a doubt in my mind.

[Charlie enters Poppy's Theater, wearing landmine equipment]
Poppy: You're late. Why are you still wearing that?
Charlie: Until you get rid of the perimeter landmines, I'll keep wearing the suit, thank you very much.
Poppy: Scaredy-cat. Shut up and sit down. Let's go!
[Poppy turns on the stage lights, revealing Elton

John]
Charlie: 'Crocodile Rock', please.
Elton John: Fuck you!
[Poppy zaps Elton with the collar around his neck]
Poppy: Hey, hey, Elton. Language. Okay, well, as fabulous as your catalogue is, I think I want to hear some Gershwin.
[Elton sighs and plays the piano]
Charlie: I still can't

believe you got away with kidnapping Elton John.
Poppy: I know! But with Valentine abducting those celebrities, it seemed silly not to take advantage of the confusion.
Charlie: Shit! Has Elton got the blue rash?
Poppy: Lights.
[Elton stops playing the piano as the theater lights turn on]
Poppy:

Hey, Elton, have you been a bad boy again?
[Elton shakes his head as Poppy approaches the stage]
Poppy: You're lying. Look at your hands.
[Elton notices the blue rash on his hands]
Elton John: What is it?
Poppy: It's proof that my plan is gonna work. It's also the first sign of a slow and horrible death. Don't

worry, I can fix it. Tell me who you parties with.
Elton John: [sighs] It was Angel.
Poppy: Huh, not very angelic. Gonna have to clip his wings.

Tequila: You know, my momma... she always told me, 'Us Southerners get our good manners from the British.' So I was thinkin', "Ain't that a pity? Y'all ain't keepin' none for yourself." Y'all ain't ever heard of knockin' before you enter?
[spits tobacco]
Eggsy: Well, a-actually... we had an invitation, didn't we?
Merlin: Yeah.

Tequila: Oh, did you now?
Eggsy: Yeah, yeah, it came in the shape of a bottle? We're from the Kingsman tailor shop in London. Maybe you've heard of us.
Tequila: Oh, the Kingsman!
Merlin: Yeah.
Tequila: Huh. That's where y'all got them fine suits and them fancy spectacles y'all

got on.
Merlin: Exactly.
Eggsy: That's right.
Tequila: Y'all look damn sharp. Let me see if I got it right here. You want me to believe that it's normal for a tailor to hack through an advanced biometric security system with nothin' but a little bitty ol' watch on?
[pause; Eggsy and Merlin glance worriedly at each

other]
Tequila: I can promise you, though.
[flip-cocks his rifle, points it at them]
Tequila: That dog don't hunt. Won't you go on and get down on your knees and tell me who you really work for?
[pause, then Merlin lets go of the hole he made in a whiskey cask. Tequila spits his chewing tobacco to seal the hole]

Tequila: That's 1963 Statesman Reserve. You've just made it personal.
[Tequila attacks Eggsy and Merlin. He knocks out Merlin and programs Eggsy's dart watch on him]
Eggsy: Who the fuck are you?
[Eggsy falls unconscious from the tranquilizer dart]

Harry Hart: You all right? What was that phone call you got?
Eggsy: Let's not, Harry. I don't think you'd sympathize and I'm not really in the mood for a lecture.
[Harry gets up and goes to the plane's cocktail bar]
Harry Hart: All right. How about a martini for old time's sake?
Eggsy: Yeah, all right.

[Eggsy gets up while Harry prepares a martini]
Eggsy: I had a girlfriend.
[pause]
Eggsy: I lost her. And it broke me. And now, if this mission fails, she's gonna die. I know it's against Kingsman rules, having a relationship.
Harry Hart: When I was shot, can you guess what the last thing was that flashed through

my mind? It was absolutely nothing. I had no ties. No bittersweet memories. I was leaving nothing behind. Never experienced companionship, never been in love. And in that moment, all I felt was loneliness and regret.
[Harry pours the martini in two glasses]
Eggsy: I'm sorry.
Harry Hart: Don't be. Just know that having something to lose...

[hands martini to Eggsy]
Harry Hart: is what makes life worth living. Now, lets go and save your girl.
Eggsy: I missed you, Harry.

Tequila: A bottle in a secret wall. You really expect me to take that seriously? See, I think your story's horse shit. Y'all just trying to cover for a failed rescue mission. You're here for the lepidopterist, ain't you?
[confused look in Eggsy and Merlin's faces]
Tequila: Okay, so your mystery bottle, huh?
[grabs a bottle of Statesman

whiskey]
Tequila: Look anything like that, right there?
Eggsy: Yes. Same brand, much older.
Tequila: All right. Let's see here.
[opens bottle and sniffs the whiskey]
Tequila: You know why the measurement of alcohol content is called 'proof'?
[Tequila starts pouring the whiskey on Eggsy and

Merlin]
Eggsy: Oh, fuck off!
Merlin: Oh, for Pete's sake!
Tequila: See, comes from back in the old days when pirates wanted to test the strength of their rum. They used to pour a little bit out on gunpowder.
[drinks a little]
Tequila: Oh, that'll make you wanna slap your mama right there, boy.

And then the gunpowder, if it burnt when they set it alight, they considered it proof
[splashes more whiskey]
Tequila: that their rum was good and strong. But see, I ain't got no gunpowder on me, do I? But I'm pretty sure you boys'll make just as impressive of a sound when I set your balls on fire.
[Tequila pulls out a lighter as Merlin chuckles]

Tequila: Or you could just tell me who the fuck y'all really are and how the hell you found us.
Merlin: Look, for the last time, we have nothing to protect but our honor. So you can take your cheap horse piss that you call whiskey, which, by the way, is spelled without an 'e' and is nothing compared to a single malt scotch and you can go fuck yourself.

[Eggsy chuckles]
Tequila: What about you?
Eggsy: Me?
Tequila: Yeah.
Eggsy: No, I love a Jack and Coke, bruv. But I do agree with the part where you go fuck yourself.

[Egsy, Harry, and Merlin sneak through the jungle near Poppy Land]
Harry Hart: [whispering] Right. This is where we split up. Pincer movement. Merlin, you're with me. Eggsy, you signal when we're in position.
[Eggsy moves forward and suddenly hears a click and a beeping sound. He realizes he's stepped on a landmine]
Merlin: [whispering] Don't

move. You move, we die.
[Merlin opens briefcase and pulls out a deodorant can]
Merlin: Luckily I have this.
[Merlin clears the dirt around the landmine trigger and starts spraying under Eggsy's foot]
Merlin: This spray will freeze the trigger mechanism, give us a... a split second. So on the count of three, what I want you to...

[Merlin pushes Eggsy away from the landmine]
Eggsy: Merlin!
[another click and beeping sound, as Eggsy and Harry realize that Merlin has put his foot on the landmine]
Eggsy: [whispering] Merlin, what the fuck have you done?
Merlin: Our journey together began many years ago, when your father did the same thing for us.

Harry Hart: [whispering] Our journey began with a mistake I made. Give me the can. That's an order.
Merlin: Can's empty. Split second's over. You two need to get going.
Eggsy: [whispering] No, no, no. There's got to be another way.
Harry Hart: [whispering] He's right. Mission comes first.

Eggsy: [whispering] Bollocks, mission comes first!
Merlin: Eggsy! This is no time for emotion. Remember your training. Or we all die. Now get on with it.
Harry Hart: [whispering] Do as you're told! Move it!
[pause, then Eggsy grabs the briefcase]
Merlin: Go.
[Eggsy walks away and Harry salutes

Merlin]
Harry Hart: It's been an honor.
Merlin: Good luck.

Merlin: [singing] Almost heaven, West Virginia, Blue Ridge Mountains, Shenandoah River...
[Merlin chops the vines to reveal himself to Poppy's guards]
Confused Guard: Poppy, come in.
Poppy: Roger.
Confused Guard: Are you expecting another lawyer? There's a guy here singing.

Merlin: [singing] Life is older, older than the trees, younger than the mountains, blowin' like a breeze...
Poppy: Singing?
Merlin: [singing] Country roads, take me home, to the place I belong...
Poppy: Bring him to me.
Merlin: [singing] West Virginia, mountain momma, take me home,

country road...
[as the lead guard approaches Merlin with the walkie-talkie, Merlin takes off his glasses and headbutts him. The other guards raise their guns and slowly approach Merlin]
Poppy's Security Gate Guard: Poppy, we got a situation here.
Merlin: [singing] Country roads, take me home, to the place I belong, West Virginia, mountain

momma, take me home, country road...
[Merlin sets off the landmine, killing him and the guards]
Poppy: Ooh. He stepped on a landmine. Can we get somebody out there to clean that up? Hello?

[Eggsy has Charlie on the ground, gripping Charlie's chin]
Eggsy: Give me the code!
Charlie: I can't. Only Poppy knows it.
Eggsy: Well, then you're no use to me, ain't you? For the record, Charlie, I'm more of a gentleman than you'll ever be. But right now, it's time to drop the gentle bit. This is for Kingsman. For my mate

Brandon. For Roxy. For JB. And for Merlin. Good night, bruv.
[Eggsy snaps Charlie's neck]

[Clara brings Eggsy in her tent]
Eggsy: Wow. This is amazing.
[Clara sits on her bed]
Clara: Come on.
Eggsy: Uh, you know what, I'm busting for a pee, actually.
Clara: You could do it on me if you want.
Eggsy: Uh... maybe in a bit. Give me a sec, yeah?

Clara: Okay, but hurry up, River. Been waiting all night for you to at least kiss me.

[Eggsy enters Whiskey's Ford Bronco]
Eggsy: Got the passes from my contact. You're gonna love Glastonbury.
Whiskey: Well, that's the easy part, kid. Take a look in the glove box.
[Eggsy opens the glove compartment and grabs a pill box. He opens the box and see a finger-sized condom]
Eggsy: Fucking hell, bruv. Thought

everything was supposed to be bigger in America. Is this why you overcompensate with these massive cars?
Whiskey: Goes on your finger. The surveillance tracker is in the tip. Apply light pressure for three seconds to release it.

Poppy: Mr. President, my name is Poppy Adams. I believe the UN has no teeth. So I've selected you, as leader of the free world, to receive this communication. And I invite you to begin negotiations on the largest scale hostage situation in history. A few weeks ago, an engineered virus was released, contained in all varieties of my product. Cannabis, cocaine, heroin, opium,

ecstasy, and crystal meth. Some of you are already infected. And this is what you can expect in the coming days.
[pause]
Poppy: After a brief incubation period, victims present with stage one symptoms.
[snaps finger as the window behind her reveals an infected Poppy subordinate]
Poppy: A blue rash. Next, second stage symptoms appear.

[Poppy walks to the next window and snaps her fingers, revealing another infected Poppy subordinate moving his head and arms]
Poppy: Mania, as the virus enters the brain.
[whispering]
Poppy: Very distressing to the victim and those around them. Stage three.
[Poppy walks to the third window and snaps her fingers, revealing a

paralyzed Poppy subordinate]
Poppy: Paralysis. Muscles enter a state of catastrophic seizure. And once the muscles of the thorac become affected, breathing becomes impossible, leading to a very nasty death within 12 hours.
[subordinate stops breathing before his eyes and nose bleed out]
Poppy: But, I have good news to the millions already

affected. It doesn't have to be this way. I have an antidote.
[Poppy snaps her fingers on the fourth window, revealing a paralyzed Elton John. A doctor administers the antidote on him, bringing him back to life]
Elton John: What have you done to me, you fucking bitch?
Poppy: One hundred percent effective and ready to ship out worldwide at a

moment's notice.
Elton John: [yelling at doctor] Get out of my room! Get out!
Poppy: You have my word. I will do this if the following conditions are met.
Elton John: Get out of my fucking room!
Poppy: First, you agree to end the war on drugs, once and for all. All classes of substance are legalized,

paving the way to a new marketplace in which sales are regulated and taxed, as per alcohol. And second, my colleagues and I receive full legal immunity. Meet my terms and I look forward to helping you keep our beloved country great, boosting our ailing economy, and easing spending on law enforcement. Or continue this blinkered, outmoded, and, frankly, disastrous exercise in prohibition, and live

with blood on your hands. Save lives. Legalize.