52 Kindergarten Cop Quotes (2026) #3

Kindergarten Cop

Danny: Hey, I'm not stupid, Mr. Crisp.
Cullen Crisp: [shoots him] You're not?

Kindergarten Cop

Joyce: Kindergarten is like the ocean; you don't want to turn your back on it.

Kindergarten Cop

Detective John Kimble: [banging on fire bell] This is fire drill! Come on! This is a fire drill!
[all the children line up at the door]
Detective John Kimble: Dominic, don't forget Ferret!
[stops banging and looks at a stopwatch]
Detective John Kimble: Aww! This is terrible!

Kindergarten Cop

Cullen Crisp: Kimble, you've wasted years chasing after me, and what has it got you? Huh? Nothing! I'll be out of here in a week, and you'll still be eating takeout food in that dump you live in. Yeah! I know all about you, Kimble. Without me, you wouldn't even have a life. My old lady left because of the money. Yours left because she just couldn't stand the sight of you.

Kindergarten Cop

Detective John Kimble: You should be reading stories about bears that go shopping!

Kindergarten Cop

Cindy: [Being interrogated by Pheobe and looking right at the special glass] Yeah, I know you're in there and I know want you want, but you ain't getting it, no leads, no testimony. You can take your cuffs and shove'em up your ass.

Kindergarten Cop

Miss Schlowski: Four weeks into the new semester, my superintendent informed me that I would have to replace Ms. O'Hara, a teacher of twenty-five years' experience, with an undercover police officer, and he wouldn't even tell me why. I don't suppose you'd do me the courtesy of filling me in?
Detective John Kimble: I can't do that.
Miss

Schlowski: Oh, you can't do that. I'm watching you. All I have to do is tell my parents that you're here for something to do with the police, and they'll yank their kids out of here so fast we'd have to close the place. And don't you think I won't, if I feel *my* children are in any danger!
Detective John Kimble: They're not in danger.

Kindergarten Cop

Cindy: What are you doing here, you asshole?
Kimble: Cindy, I don't like you using foul language, not a classy girl like you.

Kindergarten Cop

Phoebe O'Hara: Well, Joyce's story about the house checked out. It belongs to a guy who only uses it during the ski season. She's got under $1000 in the bank, no stocks, no bonds, no other assets under the name Joyce Paulmarie. Her teacher's salary is less than mine which is pathetic.
Detective John Kimble: Keep looking. Check for offshore accounts under

Dominic's name...
Phoebe O'Hara: She doesn't live like someone with millions of dollars. She doesn't even seem the type. Kimble, this might not be her.
Detective John Kimble: It's got to be her.
Phoebe O'Hara: Why? Because she doesn't want to have anything to do with her ex-husband?
Detective John

Kimble: I know it's her.
Phoebe O'Hara: Know what I think? You want it to be her. You really like her... and it's scaring you.
Sylvester's Mother: [Sylvester's mother walks into the gymnasium with a bike and a pony] Excuse me! Surprise! Ladies! Ladies, surprise! Obviously, I'm not into baking cakes so I brought these little things to donate

for the raffle prizes.
Phoebe O'Hara: Who the hell is that?
Detective John Kimble: She's the one I was telling you about. Her husband ran away with another guy. It's been terrible for her.
Phoebe O'Hara: You're not getting mellow on me, are you?