Peter Klaven: Why is it weird that I have girl friends?
Peter Klaven: I gotta get some fucking friends.
Peter Klaven: So I'm thinking about asking Tevin if he wants in on the Ferrigno house.
Sydney Fife: Dude, I pissed on that guy's face at a Bennigans, you do not need to be splitting commission with that frosty-haired chode.
Sydney Fife: [Nonchalantly] This is where i jerk-off.
Sydney Fife: This is the man cave, there's no women allowed in here. I got a jerk-off station for God's sake.
Denise: Oh, my God... Peter's got a boyfriend!
Hailey: And I don't.
Denise: Oh God, why does everything have to be about you?
Hailey: Because I'm single.
Barry: I don't think she sucks his...
Denise: Watch your mouth!
Sydney Fife: I still wanna hang out. Despite that joke. You're better than that.
Sydney Fife: [about guest that has just farted] Look at him, crop dusting across your open house.
[repeated line]
Sydney Fife: Oh, that was my mother's name...
Sydney Fife: Wait, you jerked off to a picture of your own girl friend? You - that - wow, that is sick! Oh my God, what is *wrong* with you?
Peter Klaven: What's wrong with that?
Sydney Fife: Pedro, there is so much wrong - I don't even know where to begin... That is sick, man!
Sydney Fife: [referring to the condoms at his jerk-off station] I always get this reaction, but the truth is they decrease sensitivity so I can last longer.
Peter Klaven: Rush! I love Rush!
Sydney Fife: Dude! Rush is greatest rock band of all time!
Peter Klaven: Do you need a plastic bag, or...
Sydney Fife: Oh no. I don't clean up after my dog.
Sydney Fife: [Imitating Andre the Giant] Anybody want a peanut?
Peter Klaven: I will see you there, or I will see you on another time!
Sydney Fife: That open house was understated, it was classy, elegant. I've been to a million of those things, and nobody, *nobody* put out Rosemary Flatbread Paninis. Hold on, my dog needs to shit...
Peter Klaven: I just don't see how having somebody piss on my face is going to help me sell Lou Ferrigno's house.
