Lou: Here's a question. Was it morally wrong for me to exploit my knowledge of the future for personal financial gain? Perhaps. Here's another question. Do I give a fuck?
Jacob: For your information, I've had a lot of girlfriends. Hot ones.
Lou: You have had lots of boyfriends. Gay ones.
Adam: [to Lou] You are the patron saint of the totally fucked. You're completely toxic. There's nothing you can't kill. You're the fucking Violator!
Lou: [Trying to disclaim rumors of his impotence] I can't believe I'm fucking Adam's sister! I'm doing it! Oh God! I'm gonna cum! Shia Lebeouf! Dropping loads! So much fucking semen. Little Tiny Jacobs!
Nick: Excuse me Miss, what color is Michael Jackson?
Girl At Bar: ...black?
Nick: AAHHH!
Lou: [to Adam and Nick] Oh, man, what the fuck's he doing here?
Jacob: Nice to see you too, Lou.
Lou: [mimicking] Nice to see you too, Lou. Fuck you, Jacob! You suck and you know it! You just ruined my fucking weekend.
Jacob: [To Lou] I knew I hated you for a reason, I'm gonna tell everyone in prison I went back in time to kill my own father!
Lou: Fuckin' Russian energy drink, Chernobly. Its got this shit in it, not even legal here.
Adam: Whats in it?
Lou: How the fuck am I supposed to know dude, but it's illegal.
Phil: Are you raping?
Lou: If that guy doesn't lose his arm soon, I'm gonna fucking take it from him myself.
Lou: [On his knees] Oh, wow, good for you.
Nick: [Eyes closed, crying] I know, right?
Lou: It's like Gary Coleman's fucking forearm. It's so black, so impossibly black. Oh God, I love you buddy.
Nick: Don't say that!
Lou: I'm sorry, I do!
Lou: Outta my way stool
Lou: It's the fucking 80's guys. Let's do what we want to do. Free Love!
Jacob: That's the 60's, dipshit.
Adam: We had like Reagan and AIDS. Let's get the fuck outta here, okay? Do the right thing, Violator!
Lou: Okay lay down. We got a stupid baby to make.
Lou: If I wanted to kill myself, I'd fucking kill myself. I'd be awesome at it. A shotgun to the dick.
Jacob: The taxidermist is stuffing my mother.
