One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.
Think off-center.
I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.
Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.
You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
