Garden State
Garden State

Sam: Here comes the lipstick.

Garden State
Garden State

Tim: By the way, it says 'balls' on your face.
Andrew Largeman: [to Mark] Asshole!
Mark: What? My mum did it.

Garden State
Garden State

Andrew Largeman: They sent me to boarding school because they thought I might be dangerous.
[mocking Sam]
Andrew Largeman: Oh, are you freaked out? You're like so freaked out. You're like running for the door. You can go, it's okay, don't feel bad.
Sam: [unamused] That's really funny.
[Andrew laughing]

Sam: It's really funny. Why would they think you'd be dangerous?
Jesse: You're like a little detective.
Andrew Largeman: Want to know?
Sam: Yeah.
Mark: You're gay.

Garden State
Garden State

Tim: [Klingon phrase] qIrq HoH.
Carol: It means I like to mate after battle.
Tim: That's not what I said.
Carol: Yeah...
Tim: No, no. That wasn't the one I said. This one means Kill Kirk... And also, hallelujah... Depending on the context.

Garden State
Garden State

Sam: So uh, I gotta go bury this hamster before the dogs eat him... You wanna help?

Garden State
Garden State

Andrew Largeman: How did she die?
Mark: I don't know, she wasn't Jewish, I didn't bury her.

Garden State
Garden State

Olivia: Could we move the crime scene into the kitchen?

Garden State
Garden State

Olivia: [yelling at dogs] Alright! Everybody down! Who wants to eat? Do you want to eat? Then get the fuck off him!
[to Andrew]
Olivia: I'm so sorry. We just don't have the time to train them. Who's got the time to train them?

Garden State
Garden State

Sam: Large. I think I see one.
Andrew Largeman: [crying] Shut up.
Sam: Yeah, I do. Wait, wait, wait. We should save it or something.
[runs to get a paper cup]
Sam: Okay, don't move!
Andrew Largeman: We could put it in my scrapbook if I had a scrapbook.

Sam: Is that it?
Andrew Largeman: I think so. I don't really feel any more coming.
Sam: Well, if you do, let me know. I'll get the cup.
[laughs]
Sam: This was such a good idea.
Andrew Largeman: Who are you?
Sam: I'm your new friend Sam. Tissue?

[wipes Andrew's face with her arm]

Garden State
Garden State

Andrew Largeman: So why were you really there?
Sam: Charging. I'm a robot.

Garden State
Garden State

Andrew Largeman: It was nice meeting you.
Sam: You didn't. I'm Sam.
Andrew Largeman: [shakes hand] Andrew.
Sam: Nice to meet you. Good luck with your head.

Garden State
Garden State

Andrew Largeman: [to Sam while a dog humps his leg] Got any suggestions?
Sam: [laughing] What?
Andrew Largeman: [louder] You got any suggestions?
Sam: Yeah, kick his balls. Kick his balls!
Andrew Largeman: I don't wanna destroy future generations of charitable dogs.

Garden State
Garden State

Jesse: But your mom was in the wheelchair long before you left.
Andrew Largeman: Yeah. Well, I was nine. So they sent me to therapy and put me on these drugs that were supposed to curb my anger and I've been on some form of them ever since. And when I was 16 my psychiatrist dad came around to the conclusion that it probably wasn't the best environment for

me to be growing up in, so he sent me to boarding school. And I haven't been home since.
Sam: Until now.
Mark: For her funeral.
Andrew Largeman: Until now for her funeral.
Jesse: I can't believe the retarded quarterback is a pill-popper.

Garden State
Garden State

Andrew Largeman: Why are you crying?
Sam: I don't know. I'm sorry, I'm not usually like this. It's just like, it's so sad. You know? It's so tragic, isn't it? It feels like real life tragedy or something.
Andrew Largeman: Anyway, let's just change the subject.

Garden State
Garden State

Mark: Hey look, what do you gotta do today? Because, uh, I got you a little going away present but I gotta kind of track it down first. So can you give me a ride?
Andrew Largeman: Yeah, I just uh.
Mark: What?
Andrew Largeman: No, nothing. I just, um.
Mark: Say it. Speak.

Andrew Largeman: I kinda told Sam I was going to hang out with her today.
Mark: She can come. I don't care.

Garden State
Garden State

Andrew Largeman: [a dog humps his leg] "He's got to be close to finishing now"
Sam: [Dog speeds up his humping] "Not yet, here comes the lipstick"

Garden State
Garden State

[repeated line]
Mark: ...or some shit.