Joey: Ninety-five, ninety-six, ninety-seven. See, I told you. Less than a hundred steps from our place to here.
Chandler: You've got waaaay too much free time.
[Joey is posing as a doctor in order to get information about a patient that Phoebe likes]
[Just been told the patients date of birth]
Joey: Age...?
Patient: Can't you work that out by my date of birth?
Joey: I'm a doctor, not a mathematician.
Joey: Oh, I'm sorry. Did I get you?
Chandler: It's an electric drill! You get me, you kill me!
Rachel: ...How many centimeters am I dilated? Eight? Nine?
Dr Long: Three.
Ross: Just three? I'm dilated three!
Phoebe: Chandler still thinks I'm pregnant and he hasn't asked me how I'm feeling or offered to carry my bags. I feel bad for the woman who ends up with him.
Chandler: Now, remember, Ben, keep your balance.
Ben: Thanks, daddy.
Ross: No, remember, Ben, two mommies, one daddy.
Ross: I love marriage.
Phoebe: Seriously? You?... Divorce-O?
[Ross and Joey's first meeting]
Ross: [glum] My wife's a lesbian.
Joey: Cool.
Chandler: Ross, this is Joey. Joey, Ross.
Phoebe: They're coming. Run!
Joey: Where?
Phoebe: Mexico!
Chandler: All right, kids, I gotta get to work. If I don't input those numbers... it doesn't make much of a difference.
Monica: Joey, what would you do if you were omnipotent?
Joey: I'd probably kill myself.
Monica: Excuse me?
Joey: Hey, if "Little Joey"'s dead, then I got no reason to live.
Ross: Uh, Joey... Omnipotent.
Joey: You are? Ross, I'm sorry.
Monica: [the Friends are at the beach] Okay, just don't go swimming right after you eat.
Chandler: [to Joey] You know that's not really true.
Joey: Try telling that to my Uncle Vinnie.
Chandler: Why? What happened to him?
Joey: Nothing; he just really believes that.
Monica: You don't like the game, because you suck at it.
Chandler: I don't suck at it. It sucks. And you suck.
Monica: [chasing after him] Chandler. It happens to lots of guys. You-you-you were probably tired, you had a lot of champagne, don't worry about it.
Chandler: [motioning with his hands] I'm not worried, I'm uh, I'm fascinated. Y'know it's like uh, Biology. Which is funny because in high school I uh, I-I failed Biology and tonight Biology failed me.
[Upon hearing Ross practicing the bagpipe for their wedding]
Monica: Why must your family be Scottish?
Chandler: Why must your family be *Ross*?
Chandler: I can't say hump or screw in front of the b-a-b-y... I just spelled the wrong words didn't I?
Rachel: Wha... married?
Ross: Well, yeah, I think we should get married!
Rachel: What? Because that's your answer to everything?
Chandler: And this from the cry-for-help department: Are you wearing makeup?
Joey: Yes, I am. As of today, I am officially Joey Tribbiani, actor slash model.
Chandler: That's funny, 'cause I was thinking you look more like Joey Tribbiani, man slash woman.
Ross: Chandler entered a Vanilla Ice look-alike contest and *won*!
Chandler: Ross came fourth and cried!
