I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.
Fred Allen
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but who, as a group, can meet and decide that nothing can be done.
Fred Allen
Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
Fred Allen
A conference is a gathering of people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.
Fred Allen
A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
Fred Allen
California is a great place to live if you're an orange.
Fred Allen
I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement.
Fred Allen
An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
Fred Allen
Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.