[Carrie asks Charles's opinion on her wedding dress]
Charles: It is dangerous! You know, there's nothing more off-putting in a wedding than a priest with an enormous erection, yecch!
Fiona: Where's Gareth?
Matthew: Torturing Americans.
Fiona: How thoughtful of him.
Charles: Perhaps we should've got married.
Henrietta: No! I'd have had to marry your friends, and I'm not sure I could take Fiona.
Charles: Fiona loves you.
Henrietta: Fiona calls me Duckface.
Charles: Well, I never heard that.
[Henrieta leavs and Fiona aproaches]
Fiona: How's Duckface?
Charles: Good form actually, not too mad.
Fiona: [about congratulating parents of bride and groom] God, I never know what to say in these ghastly line-ups.
Gareth: It's a cinch! Just give a big warm hug and say the bride looks... pregnant.
Matthew: Or you can stick with convention and say "You must be very proud."
Fiona: Heaven preserve us...
[in the line]
Fiona: You must be very proud!
Tom: The great advantage of having a reputation for being stupid: People are less suspicious of you.
Vomiting Veronica: [to her husband about going to India with Charles] Charles was vile. He insisted on cracking jokes all the time I was ill.
Charles: I was only trying to cheer you up, V.
Naughty Nicki: Oh, you're that Veronica!
Vomiting Veronica: Which Veronica? Charlie?
Charles:
[trying to change the subject] Remember Bombay?
Naughty Nicki: When Charles and I were going out, he told me he had this interesting journey around India with Vomiting Veronica
[smiles]
Naughty Nicki: I think that was it.
Charles: [Embarrassed] I don't remember - maybe I did.
Mocking Martha: Oh,
come on Charles! I don't think I've ever been out with anyone less discreet. I remember you going on about this one girl - Helena wasn't it... whose mother made a pass at you...
Vomiting Veronica: I remember this! You couldn't work it out whether or not it'd be impolite not to accept her advances!
Naughty Nicki: Helena was Ms. Piggy! So her mother
was Mrs. Piggy!
[all laugh]
Miss Piggy: [who's been with them the whole time] We've both lost a lot of weight since then!
Charles: Tom, are you the richest man in England?
Tom: Oh, no. We're... like, seventh.
Gareth: We had the most delightful girl at our table. Carrie, apparently her fiancé's terribly grand and owns half of Scotland. How about you?
Charles: I seem to be stuck in the wedding from hell, ghosts of girlfriends past at every turn. Next thing I'll bump into Henrietta and the nightmare will be complete.
Henrietta: Hello
Charles.
Charles: Hello Hen, how are you?
[Hen bursts into tears]
Henrietta: Charles! Charles, we must talk.
Charles: Right.
Henrietta: The thing is, Charlie, l've spoken to lots of people about you. Everybody agrees you're in real trouble, Charles.
Charles: Am l?
Henrietta: You see, you're turning into a kind of serial monogamist. One girlfriend
after another, yet you never really let anyone near you. On the contrary... You're affectionate to them and sweet to them. Even to me, although you thought I was an idiot.
Charles: I did not.
Henrietta: You did. I thought U2 was a type of submarine.
Charles: In a way, you were right. Their music has a naval quality.
Henrietta: Be serious, Charles. Give people a chance. You don't have to think 'I must get married', but you mustn't start relationships thinking 'I mustn't get married'.
Charles: Most of the time I don't think at all. I just potter along.
Henrietta: Charlie! Oh, God! The way you used to look at me! I just misread it, that's all. I
thought you were going to propose and you were just working out how to leave.