Four Weddings and a Funeral
Four Weddings and a Funeral

Serena: Excuse me?
[points out Charles's brother, who is talking to Charles in sign language]
Serena: Who's the boy over there? In the grey?
Matthew: Name's David.
Serena: [watching David admiringly] He's something of a dish, isn't he.
Matthew: I've always thought so.

Serena: Why are they... why are they...?
[mimicking the sign language]
Matthew: Oh, the dish can't hear.
Serena: Gosh...
Matthew: Yeah. Silent, but deadly attractive.

Four Weddings and a Funeral
Four Weddings and a Funeral

[Carrie asks Charles's opinion on her wedding dress]
Charles: It is dangerous! You know, there's nothing more off-putting in a wedding than a priest with an enormous erection, yecch!

Four Weddings and a Funeral
Four Weddings and a Funeral

Fiona: Where's Gareth?
Matthew: Torturing Americans.
Fiona: How thoughtful of him.

Four Weddings and a Funeral
Four Weddings and a Funeral

Charles: Perhaps we should've got married.
Henrietta: No! I'd have had to marry your friends, and I'm not sure I could take Fiona.
Charles: Fiona loves you.
Henrietta: Fiona calls me Duckface.
Charles: Well, I never heard that.
[Henrieta leavs and Fiona aproaches]

Fiona: How's Duckface?
Charles: Good form actually, not too mad.

Four Weddings and a Funeral
Four Weddings and a Funeral

[having just seen Carrie at his own wedding]
Charles: Dear Lord, forgive me for what I am about to, ah, say in this magnificent place of worship... Bugger! Bugger! Bugger, bugger, bugger, bugger!

Four Weddings and a Funeral
Four Weddings and a Funeral

[Charles is translating what his brother David is saying about Carrie in sign language]
David: [signing] Beautiful breasts.
Charles: Err, he says, "That's a beautiful place. Hilly."

Four Weddings and a Funeral
Four Weddings and a Funeral

Carrie: I think we both missed a great opportunity here.

Four Weddings and a Funeral
Four Weddings and a Funeral

Fiona: [about congratulating parents of bride and groom] God, I never know what to say in these ghastly line-ups.
Gareth: It's a cinch! Just give a big warm hug and say the bride looks... pregnant.
Matthew: Or you can stick with convention and say "You must be very proud."
Fiona: Heaven preserve us...

[in the line]
Fiona: You must be very proud!

Four Weddings and a Funeral
Four Weddings and a Funeral

George the boor at The Boatman: I was at school with his brother Bufty. Tremendous bloke. He was head of my house. Buggered me senseless. Still, it taught me about life.

Four Weddings and a Funeral
Four Weddings and a Funeral

[talking about his new wife, Laura]
Angus the Groom: Ignore her. She's drunk. At least I hope she is. Otherwise I'm in real trouble.

Four Weddings and a Funeral
Four Weddings and a Funeral

Tom: The great advantage of having a reputation for being stupid: People are less suspicious of you.

Four Weddings and a Funeral
Four Weddings and a Funeral

Vomiting Veronica: [to her husband about going to India with Charles] Charles was vile. He insisted on cracking jokes all the time I was ill.
Charles: I was only trying to cheer you up, V.
Naughty Nicki: Oh, you're that Veronica!
Vomiting Veronica: Which Veronica? Charlie?
Charles:

[trying to change the subject] Remember Bombay?
Naughty Nicki: When Charles and I were going out, he told me he had this interesting journey around India with Vomiting Veronica
[smiles]
Naughty Nicki: I think that was it.
Charles: [Embarrassed] I don't remember - maybe I did.
Mocking Martha: Oh,

come on Charles! I don't think I've ever been out with anyone less discreet. I remember you going on about this one girl - Helena wasn't it... whose mother made a pass at you...
Vomiting Veronica: I remember this! You couldn't work it out whether or not it'd be impolite not to accept her advances!
Naughty Nicki: Helena was Ms. Piggy! So her mother

was Mrs. Piggy!
[all laugh]
Miss Piggy: [who's been with them the whole time] We've both lost a lot of weight since then!

Four Weddings and a Funeral
Four Weddings and a Funeral

Gareth: It's hell out there. Matthew's trapped with an evangelist from Minnesota.

Four Weddings and a Funeral
Four Weddings and a Funeral

Scarlett: They say rubber's mainly for perverts. Don't know why. Think it's very practical, actually. I mean, you spill anything on it and it just comes off. I suppose that could be why the perverts like it.

Four Weddings and a Funeral
Four Weddings and a Funeral

Charles: Tom, are you the richest man in England?
Tom: Oh, no. We're... like, seventh.

Four Weddings and a Funeral
Four Weddings and a Funeral

Fiona: [discussing the first time one performs a wedding] It's rather like the first time one has sex, I suppose.
Father Gerald: I suppose so.
Fiona: Only not as messy, and far less cause for condoms.

Four Weddings and a Funeral
Four Weddings and a Funeral

Gareth: We had the most delightful girl at our table. Carrie, apparently her fiancé's terribly grand and owns half of Scotland. How about you?
Charles: I seem to be stuck in the wedding from hell, ghosts of girlfriends past at every turn. Next thing I'll bump into Henrietta and the nightmare will be complete.
Henrietta: Hello

Charles.
Charles: Hello Hen, how are you?
[Hen bursts into tears]

Four Weddings and a Funeral
Four Weddings and a Funeral

David: How are you doing?
Charles: You remember the time you started dad's boat and the propeller cut my leg to shreds?
David: Yeah?
Charles: This is worse.

Four Weddings and a Funeral
Four Weddings and a Funeral

[first lines]
Charles: [wakes up and looks at his bedside clock] Oh... *fuck*! Fuck!

Four Weddings and a Funeral
Four Weddings and a Funeral

Henrietta: Charles! Charles, we must talk.
Charles: Right.
Henrietta: The thing is, Charlie, l've spoken to lots of people about you. Everybody agrees you're in real trouble, Charles.
Charles: Am l?
Henrietta: You see, you're turning into a kind of serial monogamist. One girlfriend

after another, yet you never really let anyone near you. On the contrary... You're affectionate to them and sweet to them. Even to me, although you thought I was an idiot.
Charles: I did not.
Henrietta: You did. I thought U2 was a type of submarine.
Charles: In a way, you were right. Their music has a naval quality.

Henrietta: Be serious, Charles. Give people a chance. You don't have to think 'I must get married', but you mustn't start relationships thinking 'I mustn't get married'.
Charles: Most of the time I don't think at all. I just potter along.
Henrietta: Charlie! Oh, God! The way you used to look at me! I just misread it, that's all. I

thought you were going to propose and you were just working out how to leave.