Ferris: Look, it's real simple. Whatever mileage we put on, we'll take off.
Cameron: How?
Ferris: We'll drive home backwards.
Shermerite: [a student is walking around with a can collecting money] Save Ferris? Save Ferris?
[Solicits Jeannie]
Shermerite: Save Ferris?
Jeannie: Excuse me?
Shermerite: Well, a group of us are collecting money to buy Ferris Bueller a new kidney. They run about 50 g's, so if you wouldn't mind helping
out...
Jeannie: Go piss up a flagpole.
Shermerite: I'm sorry?
Jeannie: You should be.
[Knocks the can out of his hand]
Shermerite: You heartless wench!
Sloane: What are we going to do?
Ferris: The question isn't "what are we going to do," the question is "what aren't we going to do?"
Cameron: Please don't say were not going to take the car home. Please don't say were not going to take the car home. Please don't say were not going to take the car home.
Ferris:
[to the camera] If you had access to a car like this, would you take it back right away?
[beat]
Ferris: Neither would I.
Cameron: I don't know what I'm gonna do.
Sloane: College.
Cameron: Yeah, but to do what?
Sloane: What are you interested in?
Cameron: Nothing.
Sloane: Me neither!
Cameron: [to Ferris, who's singing on the parade float] YOU'RE CRAZY!
Sloane: What do you think Ferris is gonna do?
Cameron: He's gonna be a fry cook at Venus!
[hearing a fake phone message]
Sloane: [crying on machine] We can't come to the phone right now. We've had a... death in the family.
Ed Rooney: Grace, Ferris Bueller is behind this. There is no doubt in my mind, and now, he's got Sloane Peterson involved in this thing.
Grace: Her grandmother, too.
Ed
Rooney: You pinhead.
Sloane: [sobbing] If you need to reach us, we'll be at the following number...
[sobbing becomes hysterical and over the top]
Maitre D': You're Abe Froman?
Ferris: That's right, I'm Abe Froman.
Maitre D': The Sausage King of Chicago?
Ferris: [caught off-guard] ... Uh yeah, that's me.
Maitre D': Look, I'm very busy. Why don't you take the kids and go back to the clubhouse?
Ferris: Are
you suggesting that I'm not who I say I am?
Maitre D': I'm suggesting that you leave before I have to get snooty.
Ferris: Snooty?
Maitre D': Snotty.
Ferris: Snotty?
Ed Rooney: I don't trust this kid any further than I can throw him.
Grace: Well, with your bad knee Ed, you shouldn't throw anybody... It's true.
Ed Rooney: What is so dangerous about a character like Ferris Bueller is he gives good kids bad ideas.
Grace: Mmm-hmm.
Ed Rooney: Last thing
I need at this point in my career is fifteen hundred Ferris Bueller disciples running around these halls. He jeopardizes my ability to effectivley govern this student body.
Grace: Well, makes you look like an ass is what he does, Ed.
Ed Rooney: Thank you, Grace. I think you're wrong.
Grace: Oh, he's very popular Ed. The
sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wastoids, dweebies, dickheads - they all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude.
Ed Rooney: That is why I have got to catch him this time- To show these kids the example he sets is a first class ticket to nowhere!
[he hands Grace some papers]
Grace: Oh, Ed, you sounded like Dirty Harry just
then.
Ed Rooney: Really?
Grace: Uh-huh
Ed Rooney: [scoffs lightly] Thanks, Grace.
Ferris: [to the camera, after tricking his parents into believing he's sick] Incredible, one of the worst performances of my career and they never doubted it for a second.
[opens blinds to reveal a beautiful spring day]
Ferris: How can I possibly be expected to handle school on a day like this?
[begins fiddling with electronics to fake his
voice]
Ferris: This is my ninth sick day this semester. It's pretty tough coming up with new illnesses. If I go for ten, I'm probably going to have to barf up a lung, so I better make this one count.
Sloane: Mr. Rooney... Ed... you're a beautiful man. I want to thank you for your warmth and compassion.
Ferris: I'm so disappointed in Cameron! Twenty bucks says he's in his car right now debating on whether or not to go out.
Cameron: [Cameron's in his car] He'll keep calling me. He'll keep calling me until I come over. He'll make me feel guilty. This is uh... This is ridiculous, ok I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go. What - I'LL GO. Shit.
[Turns the engine on then turns it off and hits the passenger seat]
Cameron: God Damn it!
[Turns the car on and revs it up]
Cameron: Ahhhhhh! Shit!
[Gets out of the car]
Cameron: That's it!
[Paces behind the car and jumps up and down in frustration]