Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Ferris Bueller's Day Off

Ferris: Hi. Do you speak English?
Garage Attendant: Uh, what country do you think this is?

Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Ferris Bueller's Day Off

Singing Nurse: I heard that you were feeling ill. Headache, fever, and a chill. I came to help restore your pluck, cause I'm the nurse who likes to...

Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Ferris Bueller's Day Off

[calling the police about an intruder]
Jeannie: There is an intruder - male, Caucasian, possibly armed, certainly weird - in my kitchen... M-my-my-my name is Bueller...
[pause]
Jeannie: Look, it's real nice that you hope my brother is feeling better, but I'm in danger, okay? I am very cute, very alone and very protective of my body. I don't

want it violated or killed, all right? I need help! Speaka de English? DICKHEAD!

Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Ferris Bueller's Day Off

Ferris: [his recorded message for the doorbell] Who is it?
[pause]
Ferris: Oh, I'm sorry. I can't come to the door right now. I'm afraid that in my weakened condition, I could take a nasty spill down the stairs and subject myself to further school absences. You can reach my parents at their places of business. Thank you for stopping by. I appreciate

your concern for my well-being. Have a nice day!

Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Ferris Bueller's Day Off

[after making a horrible noise with a clarinet]
Ferris: Never had one lesson!

Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Ferris Bueller's Day Off

[Ferris kisses Sloan passionately while posing as her father]
Ed Rooney: So THAT's how it is in their family...

Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Ferris Bueller's Day Off

Sloane: He's gonna marry me.

Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Ferris Bueller's Day Off

Katie Bueller: I just picked up Jeannie at the police station! She got a speeding ticket, another speeding ticket, and I lost the Vermont deal because of her!
Tom Bueller: I think we should shoot her.

Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Ferris Bueller's Day Off

[a baseball game is on television]
Ed Rooney: What's the score?
Pizza Joint Owner: Nothin' nothin'.
Ed Rooney: [not really listening] Who's winning?
Pizza Joint Owner: The Bears.

Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Ferris Bueller's Day Off

Ferris: [describing Cameron's house] The place is like a museum. It's very beautiful and very cold, and you're not allowed to touch anything.

Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Ferris Bueller's Day Off

Ed Rooney: Les jeux sont faits. Translation: the game is up. Your ass is mine.

Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Ferris Bueller's Day Off

[On the phone]
Ed Rooney: Are you also aware, Mrs. Bueller, that Ferris does not have what we consider to be an exemplary attendance record?
Katie Bueller: I don't understand.
Ed Rooney: He has missed an unacceptable number of school days. In the opinion of this educator, Ferris is not taking his academic growth seriously. Now

I've spent my morning examining his records. If Ferris thinks that he can just coast through this month and still graduate, he is sorely mistaken. I have no reservations whatsoever about holding him back another year.
Katie Bueller: This is all news to me.
Ed Rooney: It usually is. So far this semester he has been absent nine times.

Katie Bueller: Nine times?
Ed Rooney: Nine times.
Katie Bueller: I don't remember him being sick nine times.
Ed Rooney: That's probably because he wasn't sick. He was skipping school. Wake up and smell the coffee, Mrs. Bueller. It's a fool's paradise. He is just leading you down the primrose path.

Katie Bueller: I can't believe it.
Ed Rooney: I've got it right here in front of me. He has missed nine days...
[His computer screen begins counting down from nine to two. Ferris is at home looking at the same screen]
Ferris: I asked for a car, I got a computer. How's that for being born under a bad sign?

Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Ferris Bueller's Day Off

Cameron: What'd I do?
Ferris: You killed the car.

Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Ferris Bueller's Day Off

[last lines]
Ferris: You're still here? It's over. Go home. Go.

Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Ferris Bueller's Day Off

[Ferris has snuck aboard a parade float]
Ferris: Ladies and gentlemen, you are such a wonderful crowd, we'd like to play a little tune for you. It's one of my personal favorites and I'd like to dedicate it to a young man who doesn't think he's seen anything good today - Cameron Frye, this one's for you.
Cameron: [screams]

Sloane: Ferris! Get off of the float!

Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Ferris Bueller's Day Off

Cameron: Okay Ferris, can we just let it go, please?
Sloane: Ferris, please. You've gone to far. We're going to get busted.
Ferris: A: You can never go too far. B: If I'm gonna get busted, it is *not* gonna be by a guy like *that*.

Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Ferris Bueller's Day Off

Garage Attendant: You fellas have nothing to worry about. I'm a professional.
Cameron: A professional what?

Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Ferris Bueller's Day Off

[the guys just notice the "additional miles" on the car]
Ferris: [to the audience] Here's where Cameron goes berserk.
Cameron: Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!
[Cameron's screams can be heard all across Chicago]

Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Ferris Bueller's Day Off

Girl on Bus: Gummi bear? It's been in my pocket; they're real warm and soft.

Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Ferris Bueller's Day Off

Ferris: I do have a test today, that wasn't bullshit. It's on European socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not European. I don't plan on being European. So who gives a crap if they're socialists? They could be fascist anarchists, it still doesn't change the fact that I don't own a car.
[sings into shower head a verse from Wayne Newton's "Danke Schoen"]

Ferris: I recall Central Park in Fall, how you tore your dress, what a mess, I confess...