Fargo Quotes

Mr. Mohra: So, I'm tendin' bar there at Ecklund and Swedlin's last Tuesday, and this little guy's drinkin' and he says, "So where can a guy find some action? I'm goin' crazy out there at the lake." And I says, "What kinda action?" and he says, "Woman action, what do I look like?" And I says, "Well, what do I look like? I don't arrange that kinda thing," and he says, "But I'm goin'

crazy out there at the lake," and I says, "Well, this ain't that kinda place."
Officer Olson: Uh-huh.
Mr. Mohra: So he angrily says, "Oh I get it, so you think I'm some kinda crazy jerk for askin'!" only he doesn't use the word "jerk."
Officer Olson: I understand.
Mr. Mohra: And then he calls me a jerk,

and says that the last guy who thought he was a jerk is dead now. So I don't say nothin' and he says, "What do ya think about that?" So I says, "Well, that don't sound like too good a deal for him, then."
Officer Olson: [chuckles] Ya got that right.
Mr. Mohra: And he says, "Yah, that guy's dead, and I don't mean of old age." And then he just pays his

tab and walks out saying, "Geez, I'm goin' crazy out there at the lake!"
Officer Olson: White Bear Lake?
Mr. Mohra: Well... Ecklund & Swedlin's, that's closer ta Moose Lake, so I made that assumption.
Officer Olson: Oh sure.
Mr. Mohra: So, ya know, he's drinkin', so I don't think a whole great deal of

it, but Mrs. Mohra heard about the homicides down here last week and she thought I should call it in. So... I called it in. End o' story.
Officer Olson: What'd this guy look like, anyway?
Mr. Mohra: Oh, he was a little guy... Kinda funny lookin'.
Officer Olson: Uh-huh. In what way?
Mr. Mohra: Oh, just

in a general kinda way.

Airport Lot Attendant: There's a minimum charge of four dollars. Long-term parking charges by the day.
Carl Showalter: I guess you think you're... you know, like an authority figure, with that stupid fuckin' uniform, huh buddy? King clip-on-tie there, big fuckin' man, huh? You know these are the limits of your life, man! The rule of your little fuckin' gate

here!
[gives the attendant the money]
Carl Showalter: Here's your four dollars, you pathetic piece of shit!

Carl Showalter: Who the fuck are you?
[Wade doesn't answer]
Carl Showalter: WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?
Wade Gustafson: I got your damn money. Now, where's my daughter?
Carl Showalter: I am through fuckin' around here! Drop that fuckin' briefcase!
Wade Gustafson: Where's my daughter?

Carl Showalter: Fuck you, man! Where's Jerry? I gave simple fuckin' instructions!
Wade Gustafson: Where's my damn daughter? No Jean, no money!
Carl Showalter: Drop that fuckin' money!
Wade Gustafson: No Jean, no money!
Carl Showalter: Is this a fuckin' joke here?
[shoots

Wade]
Wade Gustafson: [as he sinks to his knees and falls back] Aww, Jeez.
Carl Showalter: Happy now, asshole? What's with you people? Ya fuckin' imbeciles!
[as Carl reaches for the briefcase, Wade shoots him in the face]
Carl Showalter: Ah! You fuckin' shot me!
[Carl shoots Wade six more times, screams, then

kicks the dead Wade twice]
Carl Showalter: You fuck!
[takes briefcase]

Norm Gunderson: They announced it.
Marge Gunderson: They announced it?
Norm Gunderson: Yeah.
Marge Gunderson: So?
Norm Gunderson: Three-cent stamp.
Marge Gunderson: Your mallard?
Norm Gunderson: Yeah.
Marge

Gunderson: Oh, that's terrific.
Norm Gunderson: It's just a three-cent stamp.
Marge Gunderson: It's terrific.
Norm Gunderson: Hautman's blue-winged teal got the 29-cent. People don't much use the three-cent.
Marge Gunderson: Oh, for Pete's sake. Of course they do. Whenever they raise the

postage, people need the little stamps.

Jerry Lundegaard: Well, that's it then. Here are the keys.
Carl Showalter: No, that's not it, Jerry.
Jerry Lundegaard: Huh?
Carl Showalter: The new vehicle plus $40,000.
Jerry Lundegaard: Yah, the deal was the car first then the $40,000 as if it was the ransom. I thought Shep told you

that.
Carl Showalter: Shep didn't tell us much, Jerry. Except that you were gonna be here at 7:30.
Jerry Lundegaard: Yah, I'm sorry. That was a mix up.
Carl Showalter: Yeah, you already said that.
Jerry Lundegaard: Yah, but this is not a whole pay in advance deal. You see, I give you a brand new vehicle

in advance and...
Carl Showalter: I'm not gonna debate you, Jerry.
Jerry Lundegaard: Okay.
Carl Showalter: I'm not gonna sit here and debate.

[Marge is interviewing the two hookers whose clients were the two suspects]
Hooker No. 1: Well, the little guy was kinda funny-lookin'.
Marge Gunderson: In what way?
Hooker No. 1: I dunno... just funny-lookin'.
Marge Gunderson: Can you be any more specific?
Hooker No. 1: I

couldn't really say... He wasn't circumcised.
Marge Gunderson: [amused by this unhelpful detail] Was he funny lookin' apart from that?
Hooker No. 1: Yah...
Marge Gunderson: So, you were havin' sex with the little fellow, then.
Hooker No. 1: Uh huh...

Jerry Lundegaard: [answering the phone] Jerry Lundegaard.
Carl Showalter: [voice over the phone] Alright, Jerry, you got the phone to yourself? Are you alone?
Jerry Lundegaard: [into the phone] Well, yeah.
Carl Showalter: [voice] You know who this is?
Jerry Lundegaard: Well, yeah, I got

an idea. How's that Ciera working out for ya?
Carl Showalter: [voice] Circumstances have changed, Jerry.
Jerry Lundegaard: Well, what do ya mean?
Carl Showalter: [voice] Things have changed, circumstances, Jerry... force majeure, acts of God.
Jerry Lundegaard: How's Jean?
Carl

Showalter: [puzzled] Who's Jean?
Jerry Lundegaard: My wife! What the-?
Carl Showalter: [voice] Oh... right. She's alright, but there's a few people in Brainerd who aren't so okay, I'll tell you that.
Jerry Lundegaard: What the heck are ya talking about? Let's just finish this deal up here.
Carl

Showalter: [voice] Blood has been shed, Jerry.
Jerry Lundegaard: What the heck do ya mean?
Carl Showalter: [voice] Three people, in Brainerd... are dead.
Jerry Lundegaard: Oh, jeez!
Carl Showalter: [voice] That's right, we need more money.
Jerry Lundegaard: What the heck

are ya talking about? What do you fellas have yourself mixed up in?
Carl Showalter: [voice] Never mind that. We need more money...
Jerry Lundegaard: [interrupting] This was supposed to be a no rough stuff type deal!
Carl Showalter: [angry] DON'T EVER INTERRUPT ME, JERRY! JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Jerry

Lundegaard: Well, I'm sorry, but I just... I don't...
Carl Showalter: [voice] I'm not gonna debate with you on this, Jerry! I'm not gonna debate! Three people in Brainerd were killed last night. We now want the entire 80,000!
Jerry Lundegaard: Oh, for chris'sake here!

Carl Showalter: [irately, over the phone] Alright, Jerry, I'm through fuckin' around! You got the fuckin' money?
Jerry Lundegaard: [into the phone] Yeah, I got the money, but... uh...
Carl Showalter: Don't you fuckin' fuck me, Jerry! I want you to get this money to the parking garage at the Dayton Radisson, top level, in 30 minutes,

Jerry. We wrap this thing up.
Jerry Lundegaard: Yeah, but...
Carl Showalter: Hey, you're there in 30 minutes, Jerry, or I find you, Jerry, and I shoot you and I shoot your fuckin' wife and I shoot all your fuckin' children and I shoot them all in the back of their little fuckin' heads! You got it?
Jerry Lundegaard: Okay, now

you stay away from Scotty, now.