When you start feeling the baby kick, you realize there's a person inside, and that pregnancy is very different from having a person you're responsible for for the rest of your life. I don't know what I'm doing, but then I have to remind myself no parent does, right?
A man's face is not a rich person's lawn; you are wasting resources if you devote that much energy to trimming your beard, sideburns, or mustache just so. Nor is a man's face the woods; there need not be the tangled weeds, shrubbery, and wildlife/eggs benedict that get ensnared in them.
I'm a morning bird. I love getting up before it's light out if it's possible. I wake up, I have a black coffee. I'm an 86-year-old man. I try to work out first thing to get it over with. When I do it, I feel good because I have the endorphins all day.
There are some extremely acceptable male comedians out there: Joel Osteen, Abraham Lincoln, the man who played Phil Spector in HBO's 'Phil Spector.' But even those guys, while insightful and amusing, aren't exactly funny.
For a few months, I'd have a green juice every day, but one day, I realized I'd rather eat those ingredients than drink them.
Growing up, I had one very specific idea of what a wedding should be, and that was the wedding of Fraeulein Maria and Captain von Trapp in 'The Sound of Music.'
It's interesting because with a lot of people who I've met in comedy, it seems not to matter what your background is. In terms of formal schooling - I feel like that's a nineteenth century term - but in terms of where you went to high school or college, or wherever, all that really is irrelevant, I have found, in comedy.
What's shocking to me is seeing people walking around with green juices in their hand when the weather's bad in New York. I couldn't think of anything more awful to have when it's sleeting outside. Like, 'Oh, I'm craving some liquified kale right now.'
I love, love, love, love, love, love Naeem Khan. Every dress he makes looks like it belongs in a museum. You put it on, and you feel like royalty.
I guess it's easier to think badly and then be pleasantly surprised.
'Kimmy' first and foremost is a show about a woman overcoming the odds. I think that they write the show in a way that you're not beaten over the head with it, but showing and not telling. I think that's really powerful.
The weekend after 'Kimmy' started streaming on Netflix, I did notice a definite difference in people on the street recognizing you. I think that's such a strange thing to happen. It's like, you asked for it, you went and put yourself in the public eye, so don't be surprised people recognize you, but that part can be strange.
It took two months from the day my fiance proposed to my first Google search for 'wedding planning: how?' Now, let me interrupt myself here and share how much I hate using the word 'fiance.' It's so fancy, and it's hard not to sound like a jerk saying it. Which is why I will be using my own word for fiance: gloob.
I've never had prejudice against me because of being a woman in comedy, I've never felt any sort of unfairness because of that - but I do think it is naive to think that it doesn't exist.
I wrote comedy sketches in college.
New York is like the weirdest city in the United States, in a great way, and Los Angeles is probably more similar to most of America.
I need to make sure that when I'm running out to the drugstore I'm not wearing a Biore strip or something. Not that I expect anyone to recognize me, but on the off chance they do, I just don't want to embarrass myself.
I can't do impressions.
I want to be a morning-talk-show host. I love Kelly Ripa's job. She gets to live in New York and has this amazing job hosting a talk show.
My painting teacher in high school used to say, 'I can't paint like I want to, but through practice I'll get better.' But I don't think that's true. I think sometimes you just can't paint.
