I do a show. It comes on late at night on TV. And if that means I'm a late-night talk show host, then I guess I am, but in every other regard I resign my commission, I don't care for it.
I remember talking to someone early on after I was sober about how I suddenly felt awkward at parties. They said, 'Well, you're supposed to. Everyone feels awkward at parties.' It's an appropriate feeling to feel.
Why do people do things that they fear? It may be that the fear contains information. Something can be interesting if you get to the other side of that fear.
It's very interesting to know what people are doing while you're working on late-night television.
I think comedy comes more from a low sense of self-esteem, and I certainly have that.
I come from a very critical culture. You know the Scots. They're always saying: 'Oh, no. It will never work. You'll never amount to anything. You've got to know your place in the world.'
I am probably a pseudo-intellectual.
If Scotland and America go to war, I'm afraid I've already sworn in.
I'm careful with money.
I have to do a show which is of interest to me, or else I'm lost.
I'm crazy. I know I'm crazy 'cause Desmond Tutu told me, and he's very clever. He said, 'You must free yourself, be more of who you are. Be more crazy.' And I'm going to.
I hope what I do has an art to it, and as an artist you have to try new things and keep yourself entertained.
I have no ambitions beyond being comfortable in what I do for a living - and earning a living.
I try and live my life in bite-size chunks.
Being an American is something I wanted to be for a very long time, probably since I saw the moon landing when I was a child.
I'm reading a book, because I'm brainy. No, it is a book - if you don't know, it is like a blog except bigger.
Scotland is a much lighter and more fun place than I thought it was. I was miserable when I was there. But it wasn't Scotland's fault. It was my circumstances. I was - I hate to say the word humbled - but that's what it felt like. I was wrong about this place. This is a great place full of very fun people.
It's not that we fly by the seat of our pants. We're not afraid of failure.
I'm a terrible interviewer. I'm not a journalist - although I have a Peabody Award - and I'm not really a late-night host. What I am is honest.
Is it really that important? It's just television, for God's sake. It's not medicine or something.
