Compare sending someone a text message and getting a love letter delivered by carrier pigeon. No contest.
I guess I am attracted to older women. I'm looking for a 40-something who has had her heart broken two or three hundred times. She's going to be fun!
It's always a shock to me when I get recognized.
Women find men attractive who are aggressive... but later on, they get worried that that aggression, that alpha energy, is going to be turned back against them and their children.
My point of view is that men are basically animals, and I'm okay with that.
Guys want a 500 horsepower car. I'd rather have one horsepower - in a horse. That's macho. You go to pick up your date and you show up on a horse.
Some comics really thrive on being disrespectful, especially toward women, and it's somehow understood as edgy, but I'm the opposite. I've never liked curse words for that reason.
I celebrate masculinity when I'm onstage.
My dad's idea of punishment was to dress me up in all green to disguise me as grass, and then throw me in the pasture. Cows bit me all over.
There are so many hot, sexy women in L.A.
I don't know much, but I like talking to people who know a lot more than I do.
I've always wanted to be a brooding, deep, dark artist, but I can never keep that facade going for more than 15 minutes.
My parents were really nice to me.
If you actually get down to the nitty-gritty of the average Pakistani, the average Indian, the average whoever, what you really do know emotionally is that they're exactly the same.
Comedy is surprise. Comedy is not something that you can, necessarily, do twice.
If you're the Rolling Stones, you can sing 'Start Me Up' for 35 years, and people still cheer.
Stand-up comedy is all you. It's your show, it's your game. You control every aspect of it - of that experience and that expression. There's really nothing quite as satisfying.
One of the beautiful things about podcasting is that I'm not beholding to some public entity.
Being in quite a few movies... there's always things that are changing about a film.
As an actor, you're never busy enough.
