Billy Madison: [on the blackboard] Eric drinks his own pee.
[Max meets Eric in the kitchen asking him where the bathroom is, then shows him a magazine with a cover of Max dressed in a wrestling outfit]
Eric: Hey, tubby, how about a little bathroom reading? I have the August 1983 issue of Wrestling World here. There's a terrific article about a wrestler named the Revolting Blob. Gee, you know somethin'? He kinda looks like someone I
know.
Principal Max Anderson: Where'd you get that?
Eric: I have a subscription. Bad guy. He threw one opponent out of the ring and hit a bunch of senior citizens. Boy, this wacko looks familiar.
Principal Max Anderson: What do I care about some stupid phony wrestling guy?
Eric: My God! In June 1983 he
sat on some guy's head and killed him.
Principal Max Anderson: It was just a stunt! He was supposed to pinch my leg if he was running short of air.
Eric: With this guy sitting on everyone's head, I wonder how he got his teaching degree.
Principal Max Anderson: No! No, you can't do that to me. Those kids are my whole life!
Eric: So you wouldn't want anything to happen that would make 'em think less of you?
[then Max ignores Eric]
Eric: Max, are you ready to cooperate with me?
Principal Max Anderson: [sobs] Yes.
Eric: Then Madison Hotels is as good as mine!
Danny McGrath: [On the phone] Hello?
Billy Madison: Hello? Is this Danny? Danny McGrath?
Danny McGrath: Yeah.
Billy Madison: The Danny McGrath who graduated from Knibb Highschool in 1984?
Danny McGrath: Yeah, who's this?
Billy Madison: Umm... this is Billy
Madison. You probably don't remember me but I went to high school with you. And I, um, kinda gave you a hard time back then, and, uh, I did some things I thought were funny at the time, and realized they were just mean and stupid. And I just called to apologize and hope you forgive me.
Danny McGrath: [Nonchalant] Yeah, sure. Don't worry about it, it's no problem.
Billy Madison: Wow, that's great! Well, I am sorry, and maybe we can get together sometime and have some coffee.
Danny McGrath: Yeah, sure. I'd like that.
Billy Madison: [Relieved] Okay, great! I'll see you around.
Danny McGrath: Okay. Bye.
[Danny reaches down, grabs a marker and uses it to cross
Billy's name off of a list on his wall titled, "PEOPLE TO KILL". Once done, he puts on a large amount of bright red lipstick, sighs in relief and sits back to listen to his music]
Carl: I ate some Triscuit crackers in the car, you should have had some.
Eric: Well, maybe if you told me they were delicious Triscuit crackers I could have enjoyed them with you.
Carl: I'm sorry.
Eric: Well, "sorry" doesn't put the Triscuit crackers in my stomach now, does it Carl?
[Billy Madison is having big party for passing 2nd grade]
Eric: [very stressed out] Is he going to have a stupid party every time he passes a grade?
Carl: You know, everyone's having a good time but you.
[a girl is now trying to reach into Eric's suit jacket]
Eric: [shoeing her away] Spoiled snot. Get outta here!
Billy Madison: Okay, alright... Alright, you got it. First Grade through Twelfth Grade all over again. I'll do each grade in two weeks, take the test, re-graduate, prove to you I'm not an idiot, and then I get to take over Madison Hotels.
Brian Madison: That's some idea. You just think of that?
Billy Madison: Yeah, I did. It's pretty
good, huh?
Eric: Brian, don't you think the future of Madison Hotels and its sixty one thousand employees is too important to gamble on a game like this?
Brian Madison: No.
[to Billy]
Brian Madison: You're on.