Billy Madison
Billy Madison

Kyle: Hey, I dare you to throw your sandwich at the bus driver.
[Dan throw's sandwhich at the bus driver]
Bus Driver: HEY!
Veronica Vaughn: Hey who threw that?
Bus Driver: I'll turn this damn bus around! That'll end your precious field trip pretty damn quick huh! Little shit!
[quivers lips up and

down while face gets red]

Billy Madison
Billy Madison

Billy Madison: [after Danny shoots Eric] Man, I'm glad I called that guy.

Billy Madison
Billy Madison

Brian Madison: Billy, could you step in here a moment? I have big news.
Billy Madison: ERIC, IS PREGNANT?

Billy Madison
Billy Madison

Veronica Vaughn: [singing]
[to Billy]
Veronica Vaughn: Don't I have a nice rack?

Billy Madison
Billy Madison

Billy Madison: [on the blackboard] Eric drinks his own pee.

Billy Madison
Billy Madison

[first lines]
Billy Madison: [sings] # Suntan lotion is good for me. / You protect me, hee-hee-hee. #

Billy Madison
Billy Madison

Veronica Vaughn: [singing] Don't I have a nice rack?

Billy Madison
Billy Madison

Billy Madison: Hey, Carl. What's up?
Carl: Nothing much, Billy. I see you got a little sun today.
Billy Madison: You think so? I fell asleep by the pool for a few hours.
Eric: Did you fall asleep or did you pass out?
Billy Madison: [sarcastic laughter] Shut up!

Billy Madison
Billy Madison

[Max meets Eric in the kitchen asking him where the bathroom is, then shows him a magazine with a cover of Max dressed in a wrestling outfit]
Eric: Hey, tubby, how about a little bathroom reading? I have the August 1983 issue of Wrestling World here. There's a terrific article about a wrestler named the Revolting Blob. Gee, you know somethin'? He kinda looks like someone I

know.
Principal Max Anderson: Where'd you get that?
Eric: I have a subscription. Bad guy. He threw one opponent out of the ring and hit a bunch of senior citizens. Boy, this wacko looks familiar.
Principal Max Anderson: What do I care about some stupid phony wrestling guy?
Eric: My God! In June 1983 he

sat on some guy's head and killed him.
Principal Max Anderson: It was just a stunt! He was supposed to pinch my leg if he was running short of air.
Eric: With this guy sitting on everyone's head, I wonder how he got his teaching degree.
Principal Max Anderson: No! No, you can't do that to me. Those kids are my whole life!

Eric: So you wouldn't want anything to happen that would make 'em think less of you?
[then Max ignores Eric]
Eric: Max, are you ready to cooperate with me?
Principal Max Anderson: [sobs] Yes.
Eric: Then Madison Hotels is as good as mine!

Billy Madison
Billy Madison

Frank: I think Billy and his girlfriend are playing water polo or something.
Jack: Hey, maybe they're playing Marco Polo. Marco.
Frank: Polo. Jeez, that was a great game.

Billy Madison
Billy Madison

Danny McGrath: [On the phone] Hello?
Billy Madison: Hello? Is this Danny? Danny McGrath?
Danny McGrath: Yeah.
Billy Madison: The Danny McGrath who graduated from Knibb Highschool in 1984?
Danny McGrath: Yeah, who's this?
Billy Madison: Umm... this is Billy

Madison. You probably don't remember me but I went to high school with you. And I, um, kinda gave you a hard time back then, and, uh, I did some things I thought were funny at the time, and realized they were just mean and stupid. And I just called to apologize and hope you forgive me.
Danny McGrath: [Nonchalant] Yeah, sure. Don't worry about it, it's no problem.

Billy Madison: Wow, that's great! Well, I am sorry, and maybe we can get together sometime and have some coffee.
Danny McGrath: Yeah, sure. I'd like that.
Billy Madison: [Relieved] Okay, great! I'll see you around.
Danny McGrath: Okay. Bye.
[Danny reaches down, grabs a marker and uses it to cross

Billy's name off of a list on his wall titled, "PEOPLE TO KILL". Once done, he puts on a large amount of bright red lipstick, sighs in relief and sits back to listen to his music]

Billy Madison
Billy Madison

Juanita: Ooh that boy's a fine piece of work all right. He's a fine piece of ass though, too.

Billy Madison
Billy Madison

O'Doyle (Grade 12): O'Doyle rules.
Billy Madison: O'Doyle, I've got a feeling your whole family's going down.

Billy Madison
Billy Madison

Billy Madison: How 'bout you Sideburns? You want some of this milk?
Rollo the Janitor: I'd rather have a beer.

Billy Madison
Billy Madison

Billy Madison: You fallin' in love with the wall or somethin?
Ernie: I had an accident.
Billy Madison: You had an accident? What's that supposed to mean - GOO!

Billy Madison
Billy Madison

Freshman: [to Billy] Are you in 'Loser Denial'?

Billy Madison
Billy Madison

Veronica Vaughn: Don't you think it's a little pathetic that just because of who your is Father, you get to do school all over again?
Brian Madison: Yes, I do.

Billy Madison
Billy Madison

Carl: I ate some Triscuit crackers in the car, you should have had some.
Eric: Well, maybe if you told me they were delicious Triscuit crackers I could have enjoyed them with you.
Carl: I'm sorry.
Eric: Well, "sorry" doesn't put the Triscuit crackers in my stomach now, does it Carl?

Billy Madison
Billy Madison

[Billy Madison is having big party for passing 2nd grade]
Eric: [very stressed out] Is he going to have a stupid party every time he passes a grade?
Carl: You know, everyone's having a good time but you.
[a girl is now trying to reach into Eric's suit jacket]
Eric: [shoeing her away] Spoiled snot. Get outta here!

Billy Madison
Billy Madison

Billy Madison: Okay, alright... Alright, you got it. First Grade through Twelfth Grade all over again. I'll do each grade in two weeks, take the test, re-graduate, prove to you I'm not an idiot, and then I get to take over Madison Hotels.
Brian Madison: That's some idea. You just think of that?
Billy Madison: Yeah, I did. It's pretty

good, huh?
Eric: Brian, don't you think the future of Madison Hotels and its sixty one thousand employees is too important to gamble on a game like this?
Brian Madison: No.
[to Billy]
Brian Madison: You're on.