Beetlejuice
Beetlejuice

Adam: What are your qualifications?
Beetlejuice: Ah. Well... I attended Juilliard... I'm a graduate of the Harvard business school. I travel quite extensively. I lived through the Black Plague and had a pretty good time during that. I've seen the EXORCIST ABOUT A HUNDRED AND SIXTY-SEVEN TIMES, AND IT KEEPS GETTING FUNNIER EVERY SINGLE TIME I SEE IT... NOT

TO MENTION THE FACT THAT YOU'RE TALKING TO A DEAD GUY... NOW WHAT DO YOU THINK? You think I'm qualified?

Beetlejuice
Beetlejuice

Beetlejuice: [after kicking down a model tree] Nice fuckin' model!

Beetlejuice
Beetlejuice

Beetlejuice: Go ahead, make my millennium.

Beetlejuice
Beetlejuice

Adam: You can see us without the sheets?
Lydia: Of course I can see you.
Adam: Well, how is it you see us and nobody else can?
Lydia: Well, I've read through that handbook for the recently deceased. It says: 'live people ignore the strange and unusual". I myself am strange and unusual.

Barbara: You look like a regular girl to me.

Beetlejuice
Beetlejuice

Juno: What's wrong?
Barbara: We're very unhappy.
Juno: What did you expect? You're dead!

Beetlejuice
Beetlejuice

Lydia: Mr. and Mrs. Maitland? Hello? Where are you?
Beetlejuice: Dead. Dead, dead, deadski.
Lydia: Of course they're dead. They're ghosts.
Beetlejuice: No, I mean they're gone, split, out of here, afterlife kids, deceased...
Lydia: Are you a ghost, too?

Beetlejuice: I'm a ghost with the most, babe.

Beetlejuice
Beetlejuice

[why he can't tell Lydia his name]
Beetlejuice: Because if I tell you, you'll tell your friends, your friends are callin' me on the horn all the time, I gotta show up at shopping centers for openings and sign autographs and shit like that and it makes my life a *hell*. Okay? A living hell.

Beetlejuice
Beetlejuice

Very Dumb Football Player: [the football players have re-entered Juno's office] Coach?
Juno: What?
Very Dumb Football Player: [looking disturbed] I don't think we survived that crash.
Juno: [sarcastically] How did you guess?

Beetlejuice
Beetlejuice

Beetlejuice: Let's turn on the juice and see what shakes loose.

Beetlejuice
Beetlejuice

Beetlejuice: [after Lydia says his name three times] It's showtime!

Beetlejuice
Beetlejuice

Beetlejuice: Attention K-Mart shoppers.

Beetlejuice
Beetlejuice

Bernard: Otho, I didn't realize you were into the supernatural.
Otho: Well, of course! You remember, after my stint with the Living Theatre I was one of New York City's leading paranormal researchers until the bottom dropped out in '72.
Beryl: [cynically] Paranormal - is that what they're calling your kind these days?

Otho: Don't mind her. She's still upset because somebody dropped a house on her sister.

Beetlejuice
Beetlejuice

Adam: You've read our book?
Lydia: Yeah.
Adam: You can follow it?
Lydia: Yeah. Why were you guys creeping around in Delia's bedroom?
Adam: We were trying to scare your mother.
Lydia: Stepmother. Anyway, you can't scare her. She's sleeping with Prince Valium

tonight.

Beetlejuice
Beetlejuice

Dumb Football Player: Coach. Coach, where's the men's room?
Juno: I'm not your coach! He survived!
Very Dumb Football Player: Wait, Coach, let me get something straight. What's our curfew around here?
Juno: Will you get out of here! Go on, get downstairs! "'Men's room!" Are you kidding? Can't you read signs?


Beetlejuice
Beetlejuice

Beetlejuice: [Trying to get Lydia to guess his name, he makes a beetle appear] Hi! How are ya' ?
Lydia: [Gasps] Ah, B-Beetle!
Beetlejuice: Yes! Now for part two...
Lydia: [Conjures a glass of orange juice that pours into a glass] Beetle... Breakfast... Orange... Liquid... Beetle Juice?

Beetlejuice: Yes! You said it!
Lydia: Your name's "Beetle Juice"?
Beetlejuice: You said it two times, come on. Say it one more time!
Lydia: It was you.
Beetlejuice: Me?
Lydia: The snake.
Beetlejuice: No, what snake? You kids and your

imaginations... Look, just say it!
Lydia: No... I want to talk to Barbara.
Beetlejuice: No, you don't need to talk to Barbara. JUST SAY IT!

Beetlejuice
Beetlejuice

[Evaluating her new home]
Delia: A little gasoline... blowtorch... no problem.

Beetlejuice
Beetlejuice

Beetlejuice: [finishing his used-car style commercial] And remember...
[sings and hops back and forth]
Beetlejuice: I'll eat anything you want me to eat. I'll swallow anything you want me to swallow. But, come on down and I'll... chew on a dog! Arroooo!

Beetlejuice
Beetlejuice

Beetlejuice: I'm feeling a little, ooh, anxious if you know what I mean. It's been about six hundred years after all. I wonder where a guy, an everyday Joe like myself, can find a little action...
[a brothel appears]
Beetlejuice: [dances with joy] Hey, Adam, nice move!
Barbara: Adam, why did you build that?

Adam: I didn't!
[Adam and Barbara appear at Juno's office]
Juno: The whorehouse was my idea! I want you to get Beetlejuice out of the picture!

Beetlejuice
Beetlejuice

Beetlejuice: [to Lydia, about the owner of the finger he pulled out of a wedding ring] I'm tellin' ya, honey, she meant nothin' to me. Nothin' at all!

Beetlejuice
Beetlejuice

Beetlejuice: [as Otho tries to escape] Not so fast, round boy. We're gonna have some laughs!
[he dresses Otho up in horrible, conventional clothes]