Mike Lowery: [singing, having interrupted the KKK rally] Bad boys, bad boys what ya gonna do? What ya gonna do when we come for you?
[Marcus starts ad-libbing the first verse]
Mike Lowery: Dude, you gotta learn the words.
Marcus Burnett: We usually only do the chorus.
Marcus Burnett: I think we just broke the record for the number of gun fights in one week.
[to Mike]
Marcus Burnett: You're like a pitbull with that pink thing hanging out.
Mike Lowery: oh I get it, I'm not good enough for your sister
[to Syd]
Megan Burnett: I bet you meet a lot of cute guys. Just like "Sex and the City".
Marcus Burnett: Theresa, cancel the damn cable!
Marcus Burnett: To the DEA you're nothing but a honeypot.
Syd: What did you say?
Marcus Burnett: It's no wonder you got the job because you look good in a bathing suit.
Mike Lowery: Rodney, I hear there's a boat on fire off the coast of Cuba.
Rodney: Don't you think we oughta break international waters to help them out?
Mike Lowery: [while sitting in a Black Hawk helicopter] That's my DAWG.
Mike Lowery: [while in Howard's office] We got a tip that the Zopehounders were gonna do a hit on cash or drugs from this big time X-man.
Marcus Burnett: That's what they call an ecstasy dealer on the streets.
Capt. Howard: Marcus, I know what they call them. That's why I'm Captain.
Marcus Burnett: [driving with Mike down a hill, through cocaine-processing shacks, in a stolen Humvee] Is this still plan B?
Mike Lowery: Naw, this is definitely plan C!
Capt. Howard: CHRIST! Fuck!
Marcus Burnett: [soothingly] Captain! Remember your pressure points...
Marcus Burnett: [while being videotaped by a connection to all the televisions in the store, all the customers in the electronic store can see them] Mike, I can't even get an erection. I tried taking Viagra. Popped one, popped two. I've been eating them like Skittles.
Detective Marco Vargas: Listen, we're thinking about ordering a little bit of lunch.
Detective Mateo Reyes: Should we put you down for a bucket of extra crispy, and a couple of grape sodas?
Marcus Burnett: [mimics] 'A couple of grape sodas.'
[after Mike's flashback about his therapy]
Marcus Burnett: Mike, you go to therapy to get your issues worked out, not bang your therapist.
Mike Lowery: Now you just talking nasty.
Marcus Burnett: Look, Mike. Calm down!
Mike Lowery: [before the shooting at the KKK rally] Calm down? I'm calm! I'm calm... Whoaa! Whoa! I am way too unstable for that bullshit! Stop all the goddamn movement! Everybody stop moving!
Mike Lowery: [before the shooting at the KKK rally] See, that's that new spiritual shit my partner's on. Me? I actually prefer shooting motherfuckers.
Hector Juan Carlos 'Johnny' Tapia: [Watches his house get blown up] Oh, my God! No! God! Oh, my God!
