I have been in a lot of movies, but none of them are critics' darlings, you might say.
I wish I was this dark genius artist - like Richard Pryor or something.
Whiskey will always be a part of my life.
When I got on Stern I realized that this was the one job where you could be really honest and open, almost like Richard Pryor or something. You can be honest about your life and get laughs.
Of course in show business there are two ways to play it and I am not politically correct so I am not going to get endorsements or anything like that.
It is funny because the guy who is my boss now, Howard Stern, has a similarity there. He got big being a regular guy. He wasn't the greatest looking guy in the world.
I am not the easiest guy to live with. It is probably the lack of stability in my life.
Everytime I go to Vegas, I seem to incur some kind of fine.
By the time I am Howard's age I hope to be long retired. I don't plan on working that long.
And now it looks like I'm probably going to shoot a movie that I wrote. I got the money to do it, and I would star and all, because of being on Howard.
A weekend in Vegas without gambling and drinking is just like being a born-again Christian.
It's a life of five-card draw, and you know what? When God asked me - I'm fine with the card I got. I'm gonna play this.
Historically, a successful life in comedy is a dream that's as equally pondered and unpursued as being an astronaut.
I never went through a period were I wanted to be a doctor, a cop or even a rock star. All I wanted to do was play short stop for the Yankees from the time I was about 5. Then I turned 15 and realized how silly that was and just gave up on it.
Unlike a lot of comics, I didn't care about getting on 'Saturday Night Live.' That show had such history and was so established that I didn't see the point.
When you did impressions on 'MADtv,' the producers gave you a Walkman that played huge sections of whatever movie was being parodied, with your character's catchphrases recorded on a loop. You'd wear this thing around during rehearsals and for a week listen to the voice you had to impersonate over and over again. It drove all of us crazy.
I'm like the master of ceremonies being funny, and then sometimes people you're with, girlfriends and stuff, are like, 'God I wish I had the person on stage to be with all the time.'
Comedians, we're just people who whine. But we happen to be funny when we whine. Like, if Jerry Seinfeld wasn't funny, you'd want to punch him in the face; he'd just seem like a whiner to you. But the fact is that he's funny.
I was always a thin kid; I was an athlete.
When you're on the road a lot, you're in perpetual search of a good night's sleep.
