Carolyn Burnham: Are you trying to look unattractive?
Jane Burnham: Yes.
Carolyn Burnham: Well, congratulations. You've succeeded admirably.
Buddy Kane: In order to be successful, one must project an image of success at all times.
Mr. Smiley's Counter Girl: Whoa! You are so busted.
Carolyn Burnham: You know, this really doesn't concern you.
Lester Burnham: Well, actually, Janine is Senior Drive-thru Manager so you are on her turf.
Lester Burnham: [narrating] Janie's a pretty typical teenager. Angry, insecure, confused. I wish I could tell her that's all going to pass, but I don't want to lie to her.
Lester Burnham: I figured you guys might be able to give me some pointers. I need to shape up. Fast.
Jim Olmeyer: Are you just looking to lose weight, or do you want increased strength and flexibility as well?
Lester Burnham: I want to look good naked!
Lester Burnham: [narrating] Both my wife and daughter think I'm this gigantic loser and they're right, I have lost something. I'm not exactly sure what it is but I know I didn't always feel this... sedated. But you know what? It's never too late to get it back.
Lester Burnham: When I was your age, I flipped burgers all summer just to be able to buy an eight-track.
Ricky Fitts: That sucks.
Lester Burnham: No, actually it was great. All I did was party and get laid. I had my whole life ahead of me.
Lester Burnham: Good. I'm looking for the least possible amount of responsibility.
Ricky Fitts: She's not your friend. She's just someone you use to feel better about yourself.
Lester Burnham: Smile! You're at Mr. Smiley's.
Carolyn Burnham: Oh, I see. You think you're the only one who's sexually frustrated?
Lester Burnham: I'm not? Well, then, come on, baby, I'm ready!
Lester Burnham: You don't get to tell me what to do ever again.
Ricky Fitts: I can't believe you don't know how beautiful you are.
Angela Hayes: Everything that's meant to happen does.
Lester Burnham: You don't think it's kinda weird & fascist?
Carolyn Burnham: Possibly, but you don't want to be unemployed.
Lester Burnham: Oh well, all right, let's all sell our souls and work for Satan because it's more convenient that way.
Lester Burnham: [narrating] That's my wife, Carolyn. See the way the handle on her pruning shears matches her gardening clogs? That's not an accident.
Carolyn Burnham: Well, I see you're smoking pot now. I think using psychotropic drugs is a very positive example to set for our daughter.
Lester Burnham: You're one to talk, you bloodless, money-grubbing freak.
