Ace Ventura: Pet Detective Quotes

Mr. Finkle: What do you know about Ray Finkle?
[Ace sucks in a huge breath of air]
Ace Ventura: Soccer style kicker graduated from Collier High June 1976, Stetson University honors graduate class of 1980, holds 2 NCAA Division One records, one for most points in a season, one for distance, former nickname "The Mule," the first and only pro-athlete

ever to come out of Collier County and one hell of a model American.
Mr. Finkle: Are you another one of those "Hard Copy" guys?
Ace Ventura: No sir, I'm just a very big Finkle fan. This is my Graceland.

Ace Ventura: I'm ready to go in, coach, just give me a chance. I know there's a lot of riding on it, but it's all psychological. Just gotta stay in a positive frame of mind.
Ace Ventura: [Hops up] I'm gonna execute a button-hook pattern, super slo-mo.
[Gestures and makes sounds of a slow-motion picture and stops]
Ace Ventura:

Let's see that in an instant replay.
[Does a reverse playback sound and gesture]

Lois Einhorn: We'll find the porpoise.
Ace Ventura: [to Lt. Einhorn] Whew... now I feel better. 'Course, that might not do any good you see nobody's missing a porpoise. It's a dolphin that's been taken. The common harbor porpoise has an abrupt snout, pointed teeth and a triangular thoracic fin. While the bottlenose dolphin, or Tursiops truncates, has an

elongated beak, round cone shaped teeth and a serrated dorsal appendage. But I'm sure you already knew that. That's what turns me on about 'cha, your attention to detail.

Ace Ventura: [has been trying to figure out a connection between Lt. Lois Einhorn and football player Ray Finkle, when he sees his dog's fur overlapping Finkle's hair in a photo] What the... That's it! Einhorn is Finkle! Finkle is Einhorn! Einhorn is a man!
[Ace remembers how Einhorn kissed him and the pieces fall into place]
Ace Ventura: Oh, my GOD!

Einhorn is a man!
[Ace heads to the bathroom to throw up]

Ace Ventura: [with a German accent] How can I be getting zis vork done wit all de shouting? Control de shouting?
Reporter: Who's That?
Ace Ventura: Heinz Getwellvet. I am trainer of dolphins. You want to talk to de dolphin, you talk to me.
Reporter: What happened to the *regular* trainer?
Ace Ventura: Vat happened to

him? Vat happened to me? Seven years I am wit Siegfried.
[he holds up only four fingers]
Ace Ventura: Ve are making de dolphins disappear, und den Roy is coming wit de vite tiger und ze shtuffing in de pants und den I'm gone.
Reporter: [skeptically] Where is Snowflake?
Ace Ventura: Why do you care about Snowflake? Do you know him? Does

he call you at home?
[shouts]
Ace Ventura: Do you have a dorsal fin? To train ze dolphin you must zink like ze dolphin! You must be getting inside ze dolphin's head. I am saying to Snowflake, "Akay!... Akay Akay Akay?" und he is saying "AKay Akay!" und he is up on ze tail "Eeeeeeeeee!" und you can quote him!
[Ace spits]
Roger Podacter:

Alright, it's almost time for Coach Shula's press confrence, uh, lets let Heinz do his work?
Ace Ventura: [shooing reporters] Go to de conference, go to it.

Mr. Shickadance: Ventuuurrraaa.
Ace Ventura: Yes, Satan? Oh, I'm sorry, sir. You sounded like someone else.
Mr. Shickadance: Never mind the wisecracks, Ventura...
[coughs in Ace's face]
Mr. Shickadance: ... you owe me rent.
Ace Ventura: Mr. Shickadance, I told you - you're my

first priority. I'm on a very big case right now. Check this out.
[shows him a flyer]
Ace Ventura: That's a true Albino pigeon. Some rich guy lost it. He's offering a $25,000 reward. As soon as I find this bird, you're paid.
Mr. Shickadance: I heard animals in there, Ventura. I heard 'em again this mornin' scratchin' around.
Ace

Ventura: I never bring my work home with me, sir.
Mr. Shickadance: Oh yeah? What's all this pet food for?
Ace Ventura: Fiber.

Ace Ventura: This is double-paned sound-proof glass. There is no way that neighbor could've heard Roger Podacter scream on the way down with that door shut. The scream she heard came from inside the apartment before he was thrown over the balcony and the murderer closed the door before he left. Yes. Yes. Oh, yeah. Can ya feel that, buddy? Huh? Huh? Huh?
[mimics Tangina

character from Poltergeist movie]
Ace Ventura: I have exorcised the demons... this house is clear.

Lois Einhorn: [after she finishes wrestling with Ace, to the surrounding police officers] Shoot him! Shoot him!
Emilio: [offscreen] Hold your fire!
[walks in with Melissa, gun to his head]
Emilio: Don't shoot!
Melissa: Put your guns down or this cop gets it. I mean it!
[cocks revolver]

Emilio: She's not joking!
Lois Einhorn: [ignoring them] He kidnapped Snowflake! He killed Roger Podator and was going to kill Dan Marino and meeeeee!
Ace Ventura: Ho ho ho Hooooooooooooo! Fiction can be fun, but I find the reference section a little more enlightening. For instance, if you were to look up the NFL's "All Time Bonehead

Plays," you might read about a Miami Dolphin kicker named Ray Finkle, who missed the 26 yard field goal in the closing seconds of Super Bowl XVII.
[takes deep breath]
Ace Ventura: What you wouldn't read about was how Ray Finkle lost his mind was committed to a mental hospital only to escape and join the police force under the assumed identity of a missing hiker

manipulating his way to the top in a diabolical scheme to get even with Dan Marino for whom he blamed the entire thing!
[takes another deep, relief breath]
Aguado: What the hell are you talking about?
Ace Ventura: SHE'S NOT LOIS EINHORN!, She's Ray Finkle, she's a man.
Lois Einhorn: He's lying. SHOOT HIIIIMMM!

Ronald Camp: Who is he, a friend?
Melissa: No, this is my date. He's a lawyer.
Ronald Camp: Well, does he have a name, or should I call him "lawyer?"
Melissa: No, this is Ace... um, Tom Ace.
Ace Ventura: Tom Ace. Pleasure to meet you Sir and may I congradulate you on all your success...

you smell TEREFFIC! I was just telling Melissa that one of the first things we learned back at... Stanford Law... was the modern proliferation of food poisoning claims against wealthy, private homeowners. In fact, if one were so inclined, one could make quite a lucrative law practice on little else. How is everyone feeling tonight?
Ronald Camp: [nervously] Very, very well,

thank you.