Bella Swan: No Edward, don't.
Bella Swan: No Edward, don't.
Jasper Whitlock: It would be nice to not want to kill you all the time.
Mike: Okay... I think I'm going to throw up!
Bella Swan: I know those wolvess will be dead. And he'll go tell her I'm unprotected... Victoria.
Bella Swan: Alice, is it possible that everything's true? The fairy tales and horror stories? Is it possible that there isn't anything sane and normal at all?
Bella Swan: Alice, you've disappeared, like everything else. Now who else can I talk to? I'm lost. When you left, when he left, you took everything with you. But the absence of him is everywhere I look. It's like a huge hole has been punched through my chest. But in a way I'm glad, the pain was the only reminder that he was real. That you all were.
Edward Cullen: It's my job to protect you. From everyone but my sister...
Edward Cullen: [Last Lines] Marry me, Bella.
Edward Cullen: Bella you give me everything just by breathing.
Alice Cullen: [to Bella] Would you like to explain to me how you're alive?
Alice Cullen: Bella, what is that god awful wet dog smell?
Bella Swan: [after Jacob gets off of the phone with Edward] Who was that?
Jacob Black: He's always in the way.
Bella Swan: You promised me.
Edward Cullen: You can't trust vampires. Trust me.
Bella Swan: [voice-over] These violent delights have violent ends. and in their triumph die like fire and powder. Which, as they kiss, consume.
Bella Swan: If we're going to keep doing this, and I hope we are... we've got to fit some homework in there. I don't want Billy thinking I'm a bad influence.
Jacob Black: You influence me? Please.
Bella Swan: Are you... I'm older than you so that makes me the influencer and you the influencee.
Hah! No. No. No. My size and knowledge actually makes me older than you because of your general paleness and lack of know-how.
Bella Swan: I convinced you to build two wheel death machines with me. Don't you think that makes you kinda young and naive.
Jacob Black: Okay. So where do we stand?
Bella Swan: I'm 35 and you might be
Jacob Black: What? Come on.
Alice Cullen: Would you like to explain to me how your still alive?
Surfing Instructor: [singing to himself] # Oh the weather outside is weather... #
[after faking an orgasm to upstage Peter and Rachel in the next room]
Aldous Snow: You're still involved with him next door, ain't ya?
Sarah Marshall: Excuse me?
Aldous Snow: You should've seen yourself at dinner, Sarah. Then you came back here and put on that ghastly performance. I mean I've heard that women do fake orgasms,
but I've never seen one. It really deeply upset me.
Sarah Marshall: You should've seen *yourself* at dinner.
[Imitating Aldous's accent]
Sarah Marshall: "Oh, I'm Aldous Snow! Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. Oh no drinks for me thanks. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit!"
Sarah Marshall: [Pointing to his tattoos]
[In normal accent]
Sarah Marshall: And you know what? Let me tell you something about these tattoos, okay. That is Buddhist, that is Nordic, that is Hindu, that's just gibberish. They are completely conflicting ideologies, and that does not make you a citizen of the world, it makes you full of shit!
Aldous Snow: Was that genuine or did you fake
that? Right, I'm probably gonna clear off now. I'll have a little sleep for a few hours, then I'm probably gonna go in the morning. Okay.
Sarah Marshall: I hate your music.
Aldous Snow: Yeah, well I fucked the housekeeper, the other day.
Dwayne the Bartender: He turned down a blow job from his ex-girlfriend... mid-blowjob. You know how hard that is for a man? It's called blue balls. He's like Gandhi! But better - he likes puppets!
Darald: What's the state fish of Hawaii?
Dwayne the Bartender: The Humuhumunukunukuapua'a. Yeah, bitch!
Surfing Instructor: When life gives you lemons, just say 'Fuck the lemons,' and bail.
Rachel Jansen: [on the phone] Peter
Peter Bretter: Sarah?
Rachel Jansen: No, Rachel Jansen from the front desk whats going on up there, we're getting calls about a woman crying hysterically
Peter Bretter: Yeah, y'know,I hear it too, it sounds like she's having a tough time, I think its coming from the floor
Rachel Jansen: You're on the top floor.
Peter Bretter: I'll try to keep it down.
Kemo: Are those sad tissues or happy tissues?
Aldous Snow: Awful bloody film. I say, it's just a ridiculous premise. What would happen if your mobile phone killed you? Why would a mobile phone kill anyone? Doesn't make sense. How can a mobile phone have an agenda and kill people...
Peter Bretter: I told her that when she read the script
Aldous Snow: Yeah, you were the voice of
Peter Bretter: I tried to be, but she didn't listen.
Aldous Snow: Going around killing people. A mobile phone, like doing murders.
Peter Bretter: Why couldn't you just take the battery out of the phone?
Aldous Snow: Right. That's it. The battle's over.
Bretter: Yeah, we've won.
Aldous Snow: I hated it.
Sarah Marshall: Well, it's not for everyone, but it...
Peter Bretter: No, it's ridiculous. Here's my favorite scene. Hello?
[Peter feigns death]
Aldous Snow: Right. I could never happen.
Sarah Marshall: It's a
metaphor for addiction to technology.
Rachel Jansen: For society, how we're reliant on technology. I get it. I'm with you.
Aldous Snow: It's a metaphor for a crap movie.