Narrator: I've found a new one. For men *only*. Marla Singer: Oh, is it a testicle thing?
Wade Wilson: Here's what I'm actually gonna do? I'm gonna work through his crew until somebody gives up Francis, force him to fix this, and then put a bullet in his skull and fuck the brain hole.
Weasel: I don't want to see that or think of it again. But the douchebag does think your dead, right?
Wade Wilson: Yeah.
Weasel: That's good. You should keep it that way.
Wade Wilson: What, like, wear a mask?
Weasel: Yes. A very thick mask. All the time. I am sorry... you are haunting. Your face is the stuff of nightmares.
Wade Wilson: Like a testicle with teeth.
Weasel: You will die alone. I mean, if you
could die. Ideally, for others' sake.
Ms. Perky: So, I hear you were terrorizing Mr. Morgan's class... again.
Kat Stratford: Expressing my opinion is not a terrorist action.
Ms. Perky: The way you expressed your opinion to Bobby Ridgeway? By the way, his testicle retrieval operation went quite well, in case you're interested.
Kat Stratford: I
still maintain that he kicked himself in the balls.
[Ace sees Lieutenant Einhorn approaching]
Ace Ventura: Holy testicle Tuesday.
Lois Einhorn: What the hell is he doing here?
Ace Ventura: I came to confess. I was the second gunman on the grassy knoll.
Madame Vandersexxx: [Screams] On, on, VANDERSEXXX!
[the sexy ladies leave while the room is transformed into a BDSM lair and Madame is revealed as a domanitrix]
Madame Vandersexxx: Hans, Gruber!
[Hans and Gruber, Madame's goons, step into the room]
Cooper: [nervously] Hi. So, are the girls coming back?
Madame Vandersexxx: Administer the testicle clamps!
Cooper: [grows fearful; Cooper's jeans are ripped off] Huh? What? Hey!
[the boys prepare to torture Cooper as Madame smiles and watches]
Cooper: [panics as he pulls out the paper with the "safe word", but mispronounces it] Safe word! What is that? That's not a word! That's a
- "Fluggen-kliggin-kien"?