Al Jourgensen
Al Jourgensen

I'm not working at the Chevron, although I'd probably be the best person to work the night shift. Look at me. Nobody would try to steal a Snickers on my watch.

Andy Ruiz Jr.
Andy Ruiz Jr.

My dad would always give me a Snickers before a fight. It gives me energy. It gives me everything I need to get the win.

Andy Ruiz Jr.
Andy Ruiz Jr.

My dad's been giving me Snickers since I was six years old. Since I first turned amateur, my dad's been giving it to me.

Franklin Foer
Franklin Foer

If you're presented with choices that steer you toward your worst instincts, that's what you'll choose. If I'm presented with Snickers bars, I won't necessarily seek out kale.

Ted
Ted

Ted: [Finishing ringing up a customer at his check-out line] There we go. Thank you very much. Please come again. We have a lot more groceries.
[Ted turns around and sits down. He notices Tami-Lynn on the other end of the check-out counter]
Ted: Hey, uh, hey Ellen.
Ellen: Yeah?
Ted: Who's that over

there?
Ellen: [Turns around to see Tami-Lynn before turning back to Ted] Oh, that's the new check-out girl. Don't know her name, seems cute.
Ted: Yeah, very cute. Do you know what I'd like to do to her? Something I call a Dirty Fozzie.
[Ted gets up on his counter and waves at Tami-Lynn, who smiles and waves back at him. They blow kisses at

each other. He dry-humps the credit card machine, making her giggle. He then simulates oral sex with a Snickers bar, making her laugh further. Ted then squirts bottles of lotion on his face to simulate bukkake, causing her to stare blankly at him]
Ted: Okay, all right, so that's where we'll draw the line.

Ted
Ted

Donny: You know Ted, when I was a little boy, I saw you on television. And I thought you were the most amazing, most wonderful thing I'd ever seen, ever. And I asked my dad if I could have a magically little teddy bear, too. And he said, "No."
Ted: Can you just email me the rest of this story?
Donny: And I was so heartbroken. And I

promised myself that if I ever had a son, I would never, ever, ever say no to him. Ever.
Ted: Maybe "no" to a Snickers bar every once in a while wouldn't hurt.

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

Sovereign Operator: [before the Ravager ship is about to explode, Taserface calls the Sovereign] Who is this?
Taserface: I am sending you the coordinates for Yondu's ship. I only ask one thing. That your High Priestess, tell him the name of the man what sealed his fate... Taserface.
[the Operator snickers and erupts into laughter; Taserface groans as the ship

explodes]

Cast Away
Cast Away

Chuck Noland: You just delivered your very first FedEx package. That deserves something special, like, a Snickers bar and a CD player and something to listen to, a CD. There, Elvis Presley. "50,000,000 Fans Can't Be Wrong."