Superbad
Superbad

Officer Michaels: It was my semen. One time we walk into a murder house, blood everywhere, I go on, I think I find a bit of semen, clean it off. Long story short. Cream of wheat.
Officer Slater: Yup. Dope.
Officer Michaels: In short.
Officer Slater: In short.
Officer Michaels: Semen.


Officer Slater: Semen. Not, like, a man. I'm talking about the white stuff that comes out of your penis, when you're excited and happy. Your happy juice.
Officer Michaels: Your happy jism.
Officer Slater: I take it you've masturbated before, McLovin. Listen to me...
Fogell: Can a man...

Officer Slater: So when's the last time you masturbated, McLovin?
Fogell: Do a semen run.

Wedding Crashers
Wedding Crashers

Jeremy Grey: [Feeling relieved after having been masturbated by Gloria and ejaculated under the dinner table] Terrific, it was terrific

Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Forgetting Sarah Marshall

Sarah Marshall: Remember how we thought the killer masturbated before commiting his crimes?
Detective Hunter Rush: Yes?
Sarah Marshall: Take a look...
Detective Hunter Rush: ...Looks like where he's going he'll need to know how to masturbate.

Scary Movie
Scary Movie

Cindy Campbell: Look, if it's about that time I puked green slime and masturbated with a crucifix, it was my first keg party, Bobby!

Scary Movie
Scary Movie

Bobby: I was, uh, home watching The Exorcist, and it got me thinking about you.
Cindy Campbell: If this is about the time I puked green slime and masturbated with a crucifix-- it was my first keg party, Bobby.

Don Jon
Don Jon

Don Jon: Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been one week since my last confession. Since last Sunday I had sexual relations out of wedlock two times. I also watched pornographic videos and masturbated seventeen times. For these, and all the sins in my life, I am sorry.