erection Quotes

Seth: Look at those nipples.
Evan: They're like little baby toes. It's just not fair that they get to flaunt that stuff, you know... and like, I have to hide every erection I get.
Evan: Just imagine if girls weren't weirded out by our boners and stuff, and just like wanted to see them. That's the world I one day want to live in.

Seth: You know what I do? I flip my boner up into my waistband. It hides it AND it feels awesome. I almost blew a load into my bellybutton.

Pete: Bros before hoes
Pete: Junk before Trunk
Teddy Sanders: Balls before dolls
Pete: Padres before I sleep with two Madres
Teddy Sanders: Brad Pitt before Grab Glit
Pete: These nuts before skinny sl***
Teddy Sanders: M********* before

ask her to date
Pete: Beef stew before watching The View
Teddy Sanders: Male erection before One Direction
Pete: Mario and Luigi before Thelma and Laweezie
Teddy Sanders: Bert and Ernie before Squirt and Spermy
Pete: Man purses before regular purses
Teddy

Sanders: Sports before genital warts
Pete: John Madden before Jasmine from Aladdin

[Michael has found his brother, Gob, hidden in his office]
Michael: One of those British guys came up to me and told me to back off. I can't believe it, but Dad may have been telling the truth. This may be dangerous.
Gob: So you came back here to hide like a child.
Michael: What are you doing locked in my office, exactly?

Gob: Hiding from a child. Big difference.
Michael: Gob, Steve Holt is your son. He probably just feels a connection.
Gob: He doesn't know what he feels. I'm tired of being told - my God. What is this feeling?
[Schmaltzy music begins to play]
Michael: You know, the feeling that you're feeling is just

what many of us call... a "feeling".
Gob: It's not like envy, or even hungry.
Michael: Could it be love?
Gob: I know what an erection feels like, Michael. No, it's the opposite - it's like my heart is getting hard.
[the music reaches its crescendo]
Gob: Maybe I am ready to be a father.

Melvin Udall: Can I ask you a personal question?
Simon Bishop: Sure.
Melvin Udall: You ever get an erection over a woman?
Simon Bishop: Melvin...
Melvin Udall: I mean, wouldn't your life be easier if you weren't...
Simon Bishop: You consider your life easy?

Melvin Udall: [pause] All right, I give you that one.

Mike Lowery: [while being videotaped by a connection to all the televisions in the store, all the customers in the electronic store can see them] Okay, look, we're a partnership, but we're a partnership with boundaries. We got a new rule. From now on, you can't say the word "flaccid" to me. This is our little "boundary box." We're gonna take the word "flaccid" and put it in there

with my mom's titties, and your erection problem, and we gonna close this box and we gonna throw this bitch in the ocean. And the only way that you can get to this box is you gotta be motherfuckin' Jacques Cousteau.