Orrin Hatch
Orrin Hatch

I do know dumb-ass questions when I see dumb-ass questions.

Men in Black 3
Men in Black 3

Agent J: Damn it! We had him!
Young Agent K: Relax, Cochise. We'll find him.
Agent J: First of all, my name is J, okay? It's not "son," it's not "slick," and it damn sure ain't "Cochise." And I'm not gonna relax 'cause we're running out of time, we're running out of clues and there's an invasion coming. You're not really recognizing

my "voicial" intensity. Oh, but there was one guy that could help. Hey, Griffin! Griffin! Where's Griffin? Griffin. Where's Griffin at, K? He's gone. If Boris gets to him before we, that's no bueno.
Young Agent K: We need pie.
Agent J: What?
Young Agent K: My granddaddy always said: "If you got a problem you can't solve, it

helps to get out of your head." Pie. It's good.
Agent J: Pie?
Young Agent K: Yeah.
Agent J: Your granddaddy, heavyset man?
Young Agent K: A little bit.
Agent J: Yeah, you know what? We've been doing smart stuff. We've been following clues, doing real police work. It might be time

we do something stupid. Something that ain't got nothing to do with nothing. You know what? Now, I want some pie, K. I want some pie. Let's go get some dumb-ass pie.
Young Agent K: Sounds good.

Bad Boys
Bad Boys

Marcus Burnett: You better do something quick, 'cause we're running out of road.
Mike Lowrey: Who picked this dumb-ass road? On the goddamn road in Miami, *you* run out of it!
Marcus Burnett: You better come up with an idea fast!
Mike Lowrey: Why I gotta come up with all the ideas?

Scream 2
Scream 2

Phil Stevens: We got these tickets for free.
Maureen Evans: It's some dumb-ass white movie about some dumb-ass white girls getting their white asses cut the fuck up, okay?

Scary Movie 3
Scary Movie 3

Ross Giggins: Turning now to sports...
[Cindy types new text for the teleprompter]
Ross Giggins: and an evil video tape that kills anyone who watches it in seven days. It's true. We're all in danger. There's an alien force that's trying prevent you from knowing the truth.
Carson Ward: Oh, no. Campbell, are you insane?

Ross Giggins: It's a horrible fate.
Cindy: Carson, I have to do this.
[Ward types his text]
Ross Giggins: Correction, there really is no danger. Actually, I didn't really mean anything I just said. Yes, I did. Every word of it. Everyone watching this could be dead in a week.
[everybody's fighting over the telemprompter

keyboard, the janitor sits on it]
Ross Giggins: Oh, shizl gzngahr, % + 7, , 193419 ckin etd vaus erstn gubl chn q shnitzi guorsn blkn , , 18 469
[Janitor takes over the keyboard]
Ross Giggins: I been cleanin' after this dumb-ass cracker Giggins for ten years, but I been hittin' it with his woman for twelve. Know what I'm sayin', nigga? She

likes her some chocolate. Sharpton for President y'all. I'm outie. Peace.

Planes, Trains & Automobiles
Planes, Trains & Automobiles

Car Rental Agent: [cheerfully] Welcome to Marathon, may I help you?
Neal: Yes.
Car Rental Agent: How may I help you?
Neal: You can start by wiping that fucking dumb-ass smile off your rosy fucking cheeks! And you can give me a fucking automobile: a fucking Datsun, a fucking Toyota, a fucking Mustang, a fucking

Buick! Four fucking wheels and a seat!
Car Rental Agent: I really don't care for the way you're speaking to me.
Neal: And I really don't care for the way your company left me in the middle of fucking nowhere with fucking keys to a fucking car that isn't fucking there. And I really didn't care to fucking walk down a fucking highway and across a

fucking runway to get back here to have you smile in my fucking face. I want a fucking car... right... fucking... now.
Car Rental Agent: May I see your rental agreement?
Neal: I threw it away.
Car Rental Agent: Oh, boy.
Neal: Oh, boy, what?
Car Rental Agent: [narrows her eyes]

You're fucked.