106 Home Alone Quotes (2024)

Home Alone

Gangster 'Johnny': [hears knock at door] Who is it?
Gangster 'Snakes': [Snakes comes in] It's me, Snakes. I got the stuff.
Gangster 'Johnny': Leave it on the doorstep and get the hell outta here.
Gangster 'Snakes': All right, Johnny, but what about my money?
Gangster 'Johnny': What

money?
Gangster 'Snakes': Acey said you had some dough for me.
Gangster 'Johnny': That a fact? How much do I owe ya?
Gangster 'Snakes': Acey said 10%.
Gangster 'Johnny': [smirks] Too bad Acey ain't in charge no more.
Gangster 'Snakes': What do ya mean?
Gangster

'Johnny': He's upstairs takin' a bath. He'll call you when he gets out.
[pause]
Gangster 'Johnny': Hey, I tell ya what I'm gonna give *you*, Snakes.
[pulls out machine gun]
Gangster 'Johnny': I'm gonna give you to the count of 10, to get your ugly, yella, no-good keister off my property,
[shouts]
Gangster

'Johnny': before I pump your guts full of lead!
Gangster 'Snakes': [wide eyed and calm] All right, Johnny, I'm sorry. I'm goin'!
Gangster 'Johnny': 1... 2... 10!
[starts unloading bullets into Snakes while laughing maniacally]
Gangster 'Johnny': Keep the change, ya filthy animal!

Home Alone

Check-Out Woman: Are you here all by yourself?
Kevin McCallister: Ma'am, I'm eight years old. You think I would be here alone? I don't think so.
Check-Out Woman: Where's your mom?
Kevin McCallister: My mom's in the car.
Check-Out Woman: Where's your father?
Kevin

McCallister: He's at work.
Check-Out Woman: What about your brothers and your sisters?
Kevin McCallister: I'm an only child.
Check-Out Woman: Where do you live?
Kevin McCallister: Uh, I can't tell you that.
Check-Out Woman: Why not?
Kevin

McCallister: Because you're a stranger.

Home Alone

Megan McCallister: You're not at all worried that something might happen to Kevin?
Buzz McCallister: No, for three reasons: A, I'm not that lucky. Two, we use smoke detectors and D, we live on the most boring street in the whole United States of America, where nothing even remotely dangerous will ever happen. Period.

Home Alone

Kevin McCallister: [apprehensively] I made my family disappear.
[thinks back to family members saying bad things about him]
Megan McCallister: Kevin, you're completely helpless!
Linnie McCallister: You know, Kevin, you're what the French call les incompetents.
Buzz McCallister: Kevin, I'm going to feed

you to my tarantula.
Jeff McCallister: Kevin, you are *such* a *disease*!
Kate McCallister: There are 15 people in this house and you're the only one who has to make trouble.
Frank McCallister: Look what you *did*, you little *jerk*.
Kevin McCallister: [gleefully] I made my family disappear.

Home Alone

Harry: Why the hell did you take your shoes off?
Marv: Why the hell are you dressed like a chicken?

Home Alone

Kate McCallister: Did I turn off the coffee?
Peter McCallister: No... I did.
Kate McCallister: Did you lock up?
Peter McCallister: Yeah.
Kate McCallister: Did we set the timers on the lights?
Peter McCallister: Yeah.
Kate McCallister: Did

you close the garage?
Peter McCallister: That's it. I forgot to close the garage, that's it.
[She sits back; after a pause]
Kate McCallister: No, that's not it.
Peter McCallister: Well, what else could we be forgetting?
[She sits back again; after an even longer pause, she jumps upright]
Kate

McCallister: KEVIN!

Home Alone

Kevin McCallister: [preparing to meet bandits and loading the rifle] This is it! Don't get scared now!

Home Alone

Harry: Where did he go?
Marv: Maybe he committed suicide.
Kevin McCallister: Down here you big horse's ass, come and get me before I call the police.

Home Alone

Check-Out Woman: Are you here all by yourself?
Kevin McCallister: Ma'am, I'm eight years old. You think I would be here *alone*? I don't think so.

Home Alone

Marv: Kids are scared of the dark.
Harry: You're afraid of the dark, too, Marv.

#scared

Home Alone

Kevin McCallister: This house is so full of people it makes me sick. When I grow up and get married, I'm living alone. Did you hear me?
[pouncing]
Kevin McCallister: I'm living alone! I'm living alone!

Home Alone

Santa Claus: Damn. How can you give Kris Kringle a parking ticket on Christmas Eve? What's next, rabies shots for the Easter Bunny?

Home Alone

Kate McCallister: Heather, did you count heads?
Heather McCallister: Eleven, including me. Five boys, six girls, four parents, two drivers, and a partridge in a pear tree.

Home Alone

Harry: Hi.
Sondra McCallister: Hi.
Harry: Are your parents home?
Sondra McCallister: Yeah.
Harry: Do they live here?
Sondra McCallister: No!
[walks off]
Harry: No. Why should they? All kids. No parents. Probably a fancy orphanage.

Home Alone

Kevin McCallister: No offense, aren't you too old to be afraid?
Marley: You can be too old for a lot of things, but you're never too old to be afraid.

Home Alone

Kevin McCallister: Can I sleep in your room? I don't want to sleep on the hide-a-bed with Fuller. If he has something to drink, he'll wet the bed.
Buzz McCallister: I wouldn't let you sleep in my room... if you were growing on my ASS!

Home Alone

Kevin McCallister: [while watching "Angels With Filthy Souls"] Guys, I'm eating junk and watching rubbish! You better come out and stop me!

Home Alone

Gangster 'Johnny': Who is it?
Pizza Boy: It's Little Nero's, sir. I have your pizza.
Gangster 'Johnny': Leave it on the doorstep and get the hell outta here.
Pizza Boy: Okay.
[leaves the pizza on the doormat]
Pizza Boy: But what about the money?
Gangster

'Johnny': What money?
Pizza Boy: [matter-of-factly but sarcastically] Well, you'll have to pay for your pizza, sir.
Gangster 'Johnny': Is that a fact. How much do I owe ya?
Pizza Boy: Uh. That'll be $11.80, sir.
[Kevin drops the money from the dog door]
Gangster 'Johnny': Keep the

change, ya filthy animal.
Pizza Boy: Cheapskate.
[starts to leave, but is stopped by Johnny's next line]
Gangster 'Johnny': Hey, I'm gonna give you to the count of ten, to get your ugly, yella, no-good keister off my property, before I pump your guts full of lead! 1, 2, 10!
[machine gun fire; the delivery boy dashes back to his car and

speeds away]
Kevin McCallister: [opens the door and brings the pizza inside] A lovely cheese pizza, just for me.

Home Alone

Harry: [knocks on the back door] Merry Christmas, little fella. We know that you're in there, and that you're all alone.
Marv: Yeah, come on, kid, open up. It's Santy Claus... and his elf!
Harry: [snickers] We're not gonna hurt you.
Marv: Oh no, no, we got some nice presents for you.
[Below their heads,

Kevin slowly pushes the barrel of the air rifle through the doggie door and takes aim at Harry's groin]
Harry: Be a good little fella now, and open the door.
[PING!]
Harry: [high-pitched] AAAAAAHHHHHHHHOOOO...
[Cursing fluently under his breath, he hops around holding his crotch, and falls to his knees]
Marv:

What?
[Harry falls down, still groaning and cursing]
Marv: What? What happened?
Harry: Get the little...!
[Marv goes back and sticks his head through the dog door... and sees Kevin laying on his belly on the floor, aiming the air rifle right between his eyes. Marv smiles lamely]
Kevin McCallister: Hello.

[PING!]
Marv: AH! AHHH...!
[Marv falls back out of the doggie door, clutching his face]
Kevin McCallister: Yes! Yes! Yes-yes-yes-yes!
[He runs off to prepare the next trap]
Marv: The little jerk is armed!
Harry: That's it, that's it! I'm going round the front, you go down to the basement!

[He storms off, swearing under his breath]