Schmuck Quotes

Morrie: Henry, you're a good kid, I've been good to you, you've been good to me. But there's something really unreasonable going on here. Jimmy's being an unconsionable ball-breaker. I never agreed to 3 points on top of the vig! Am I something special? Some sort of schmuck on wheels?
Henry Hill: Morrie, please! You borrowed Jimmy's money, pay him.

Morrie: I never agreed to 3 points on top of the vig! What am I, fuckin nuts? Come on!
Henry Hill: Are you gonna argue with Jimmy Conway? Just give him his money so we can get the fuck outta here!
Morrie: Hey! Fuck 'em! Fuck 'em in the ear! What are you talking about? Fuck 'em in the other ear, that son of a bitch! Did I ever bust

his balls? Did I? Did I? I could've jumped the dime a million times, and I wouldn't have to pay tip!
Henry Hill: Come on, Morrie, you're talking crazy, stop it!
Jimmy Conway: [Grabs telephone cord and chokes Morrie with it, then his wig falls off and Henry starts laughing] You got money for that fuckin' commercial. Fuckin' commercial, you don't got

my money, you don't got my fuckin' money, huh?
Henry Hill: Jimmy, he'll pay, he'll pay.
Jimmy Conway: I'll fuckin' kill you, get the money, you fuckin' cocksucker, you hear me?
[Phone rings]
Jimmy Conway: Pay me my money.
Morrie: Hello? Who's this? He's here.
[Gives phone to Henry]

Morrie: Jimmy, I'm sorry.
Jimmy Conway: Yeah? You should be sorry. Don't fuckin' do it again and give me the money. Give me the fuckin' money, You hear me? You hear me, I gotta come here and you bust my balls? Give me the fuckin' money.
Morrie: OK, OK, OK. I'll pay you, kid.

Cousin Avi: Is there gambling involved?
Doug the Head: It's a boxing match, Avi, a boxing match.
Cousin Avi: Did he have a case with him?
Doug the Head: Yes, he had a case.
Cousin Avi: And this schmuck is gambling? You're talking about Franky "I've got a problem with gambling" fucking

Four Fingers Doug.

[Morton and Johnson head to the elevator after the boardroom meeting]
Bob Morton: Yes! Now that's how it's done in the big leagues, Johnson. You see an opening, you GO for it!
[both walk into the elevator]
Johnson: You better watch your back, Bob. Jones is gonna come looking for you.
Bob Morton: Oh, fuck Jones. He

fumbled the ball and I was there to pick it up.
Johnson: Too bad about Kinney, huh?
Bob Morton: That's life in the big city.
Johnson: [about RoboCop project] When do we start?
Bob Morton: As soon as some poor schmuck volunteers.

Ruby Deagle: [DELETED SCENE: Mrs. Deagle enters the bank and shoves her way through a long line to Kate's teller-cage] I want this check deposited immediately. Also, I know everything about that little petition you've been sending around town.
Kate Beringer: Mrs. Deagle, are you sure this is the time or the place for...?
Ruby Deagle:

Of course it is. I *always* mix business with pleasure. And it gives me *great* pleasure to inform you that said petition has failed. Moreover, as a direct result of your efforts, I'm foreclosing *your* home as well. I'm sure that really shocks you doesn't it? Good.
Kate Beringer: On the contrary, Mrs. Deagle, it doesn't surprise me at all. Actually, it's just the sort of

Christmas present I can see you giving.
Ruby Deagle: I'll thank you not to be impertinent, young lady.
Kate Beringer: And *I'll* thank YOU, in the name of the Holiday Season, to show an ounce of decency to these families you're ruining. Most of them can't afford to move, and even the ones who can really don't have anywhere to go. Isn't there anything

at all I can say or do to change your mind about destroying all those good people?
Ruby Deagle: [smiling wickedly] You've got three chances of making me reconsider this Hitox deal: none, less than none, and much less than none. Now, if you'll kindly deposit this check, I'll be on my way.
Billy Peltzer: [Sickened by all of this, Billy produces a broom

from underneath his own teller-cage. He passes it to the miserly lady] Merry Christmas, Mrs. Deagle.
Ruby Deagle: What's this?
Billy Peltzer: It's your Holiday present from me.
Ruby Deagle: This crummy old broom? What am I supposed to do with it?
Billy Peltzer: I thought you might need a ride home.

[Mrs. Deagle gasps in outrage, as the other customers behind her chuckle. She whirls and glares at them, then whirls back and glares at Billy again]
Billy Peltzer: We could have asked that you move to the back of the line and wait your turn like everyone else, but we didn't want to be rude...
[He glances at the other, relatively-patient clientele; his tone becomes

surreptitious]
Billy Peltzer: ... or worse.
Gerald: [rushing up with Mr. Corben close behind] What's going on here?
[doesn't wait for an answer]
Gerald: Shut up, Peltzer; I'm asking her, not you. Is there a problem, Mrs. Deagle?
Ruby Deagle: This young man just asked that I *move to the back of

the line and wait my turn like everybody else*! Of all the...!
Gerald: [Mr. Corben and Gerald both turn pale] Peltzer, how dare you! You're...!
Mr. Corben: *Gerald*! This is official.
Gerald: But *I* wanted to...!
Mr. Corben: [sternly cutting him off] Gerald. I'm not going to tell you again.

[turns back to Billy]
Mr. Corben: Peltzer, how dare you! You're fired!
Billy Peltzer: [removing his name tag] Thanks, Roland.
Mr. Corben: [furious] *Roland*?
Billy Peltzer: That's the best present you and Ger have ever given me.
[drops the name tag on the floor, then spins on his heel and walks

out cheerfully]
Mr. Corben: ...Well, what are you standing around for? Pick that up!
Gerald: [to Kate] You heard him. Pick it up. Now.
[Instead, she removes her own name tag and drops it on the floor as well]
Kate Beringer: Pick them up yourself, Ger. I quit.
[walks out after Billy]
Mr.

Corben: ...You heard her, Hopkins. Pick those off the floor. Immediately.
Gerald: *Me*? Since when do *I* get other people's dirty work?
Mr. Corben: [cold and deadly] When nobody else is there to do the dirty work, as you call it, the JVP becomes JAL - that is, Just Another Lackey. Now start earning that salary I'm paying you, before I

*really* blow my top and demonstrate just how rotten I *can* be. If you thought I was a schmuck with those other two...!
[Very unwillingly, Gerald picks both name tags off the floor. Then he goes to assist the long line of customers - all by himself - while Corben strolls whistling back to his office]

Bud Fox: Hi, Marv.
Marv: [sarcastically] Oh, hi. Say, why don't YOU get the hell out of MY office!
Bud Fox: I know I've been a bit of a schmuck lately and I just want to apologize.
Marv: You've been a *real* schmuck lately. So go thou and sin no more.
Bud Fox: Let me make it up to you.

[types on computer]
Bud Fox: Bluestar. Put *all* your clients in it.
Marv: [pause] Ok, Buddy Buddy. We are back in business on Bluestar.