Naylor Quotes

Nick Naylor: [Narrating] Few people on this planet know what it is to be truly despised. Can you blame them? I earn a living fronting an organizing that kills one thousand two hundred human beings a day; twelve hundred people. We're talking two jumbo jet plane loads of men, women, and children. I mean there's Attila, Genghis, and me, Nick Naylor the face of cigarettes, the colonel

sanders of nicotine. This is where I work, the Academy of Tobacco Studies. It was established by seven gentlemen you may recognize from C-Span. These guys realized quick if they were gonna claim cigarettes were not addictive they better have proof. This is the man they rely on, Erhardt Von Grupten Mundt. They found him in Germany. I won't go into the details. He's been testing the link between

nicotine and lung cancer for thirty years, and hasn't found any conclusive results. The man's a genius, he could disprove gravity. Then we got our sharks. We draft them out of Ivy League law schools and give them timeshares and sports cars. It's just like a John Grisham novel. Well you know without all the espionage. Most importantly we got spin control. That's where I come in. I get paid to talk.

I don't have an MD or law degree. I have a baccalaureate in kicking ass and taking names. You know that guy who can pick up any girl, I'm him on crack.

Senator Ortolan Finistirre: [during the Senate subcommittee] Please state your name, address, and current occupation.
Nick Naylor: My name is Nick Naylor. I live at 6000 Massachusetts Avenue. I am currently unemployed but until recently I was the Vice President of the Academy of Tobacco Studies.
Senator Ortolan Finistirre: Mr.

Naylor, as Vice President of the Academy of Tobacco Studies, what was required of you? What did you do?
Nick Naylor: I informed the public of all the research performed in the investigation on the effects of tobacco.
Senator Ortolan Finistirre: And what, so far, has the Academy concluded in their investigation into the effects of tobacco?

Nick Naylor: Well, many things actually. Why just the other day they uncovered evidence that smoking can offset Parkinson's disease.
Senator Ortolan Finistirre: I'm sure the health community is thrilled. Mr. Naylor, who provides the financial background for the Academy of Tobacco Studies?
Nick Naylor: Conglomerated Tobacco.

Senator Ortolan Finistirre: That's the cigarette companies.
Nick Naylor: For the most part, yes.
Senator Ortolan Finistirre: Do you think that might affect their priorities?
Nick Naylor: No. Just as, I'm sure, campaign contributions don't affect yours.
Senator Lothridge: Mr. Naylor is

not hear to testify on the goings on of the Academy of Tobacco Studies. We're hear to examine the possibility of a warning label on cigarettes. Now, Mr. Naylor, I have to ask you out of formality, do you believe that smoking cigarettes, over time, can lead to lung cancer and lead to other respiratory conditions such as emphysema.
Nick Naylor: Yes. In fact, I think you'd be

hard pressed to find someone who really believes that cigarettes are not potentially harmful. I mean - show of hands - Who out here thinks that cigarettes aren't dangerous?

Heather Holloway: [while undressing] This is Nick Naylor telling you kids, don't do drugs, smoke cigarettes
Nick Naylor: That's really great, its like looking in the mirror
Heather Holloway: New idea, cigarettes for the homeless, we'll call them hobos
Nick Naylor: Hahaha, uh that's awful
Heather

Holloway: Any better than sector sixes
Nick Naylor: right
Heather Holloway: Oh my God Nick, you are on TV
Nick Naylor: Lobbyist on the lookout. You gotta be kidding me
Heather Holloway: I wanna fuck you while I watch you on TV
Nick Naylor: And they call me sick

Heather Holloway: Hurry before your segment ends
Nick Naylor: Alright