Leper Quotes

Lewis Prothero: So I read that the former United States is so desperate for medical supplies that they have allegedly sent several containers filled with wheat and tobacco. A gesture, they said, of good will. You wanna know what I think? Well, you're listening to my show, so I will assume you do... I think it's high time we let the colonies know what we really think of them. I

think its payback time for a little tea party they threw for us a few hundred years ago. I say we go down to those docks tonight and dump that crap where everything from the Ulcered Sphincter of Arse-erica belongs! Who's with me? Who's bloody with me?
[audience applauds]
Lewis Prothero: Did you like that? USA... Ulcered Sphincter of Arse-erica, I mean what else can

you say? Here was a country that had everything, absolutely everything. And now, 20 years later, is what? The world's biggest leper colony. Why? Godlessness. Let me say that again... Godlessness. It wasn't the war they started. It wasn't the plague they created. It was Judgement. No one escapes their past. No one escapes Judgement. You think he's not up there? You think he's not watching over this

country? How else can you explain it? He tested us, but we came through. We did what we had to do. Islington. Enfield. I was there, I saw it all. Immigrants, Muslims, homosexuals, terrorists. Disease-ridden degenerates. They had to go. Strength through unity. Unity through faith. I'm a God-fearing Englishman and I'm goddamn proud of it!

Robert the Bruce: [Robert the Bruce is visiting his leper father] Father?
Robert's Father: Ah, come in. Come in.
Robert the Bruce: A rebellion has begun.
Robert's Father: [pause] Under whom?
Robert the Bruce: A commoner... named William Wallace.
Robert's Father:

[another pause] You will embrace this rebellion. Support it from our lands in the north. I will gain English favor by condemning it and ordering opposed from our lands in the south. Sit down. Stay awhile.
Robert the Bruce: This Wallace... he doesn't even have a knighthood. But he *fights*, with *passion*, and he *inspires*.
Robert's Father:

[laughing] And you wish to charge off and fight as he did, eh?
[Robert nods slightly]
Robert's Father: So would I, eh?
[he laughs again]
Robert the Bruce: Well, maybe it's time.
Robert's Father: [the elder man stops laughing] It is time... to *survive*. You're the seventeenth Robert Bruce. The sixteen before you

passed you land and title because they *didn't* charge in. Call a meeting of the nobles.
Robert the Bruce: But, they do nothing but talk.
Robert's Father: Rightly so. They're as rich in English titles and lands as they are in Scottish, just as we are. You admire this man, this William Wallace. Uncompromising men are easy to admire. He has courage; so

does a dog. But it is exactly the ability to *compromise* that makes a man noble. And understand this: Edward Longshanks is the most ruthless king ever to sit on the throne of England. And none of us, and nothing of Scotland will remain, unless *we* are as ruthless. Give ear to our nobles. Knowing their minds is the key to the throne.

Ex-Leper: Okay, sir, my final offer: half a shekel for an old ex-leper?
Brian: Did you say "ex-leper"?
Ex-Leper: That's right, sir, 16 years behind a veil and proud of it, sir.
Brian: Well, what happened?
Ex-Leper: Oh, cured, sir.
Brian: Cured?

Ex-Leper: Yes sir, bloody miracle, sir. Bless you!
Brian: Who cured you?
Ex-Leper: Jesus did, sir. I was hopping along, minding my own business, all of a sudden, up he comes, cures me! One minute I'm a leper with a trade, next minute my livelihood's gone. Not so much as a by-your-leave! "You're cured, mate." Bloody do-gooder.

Brian: Well, why don't you go and tell him you want to be a leper again?
Ex-Leper: Uh, I could do that sir, yeah. Yeah, I could do that I suppose. What I was thinking was I was going to ask him if he could make me a bit lame in one leg during the middle of the week. You know, something beggable, but not leprosy, which is a pain in the ass to be blunt and

excuse my French, sir.

Guy de Lusignan: [approaching a Muslim caravan] This caravan is armed, Reynald.
Reynald: Good. No sport otherwise.
Guy de Lusignan: They've seen us. Go after them. The rider is getting away.
Reynald: It's broad desert. Nothing will come of it, nothing.
Guy de Lusignan: I'd prefer not to

be hanged before my wife is queen.
Reynald: Don't worry. "Who but Reynald", they'll say. It's always me. They'll believe it in Jerusalem, I assure you. You were at Nazareth, praying.
Guy de Lusignan: You're a dangerous man, Reynald.
Reynald: If the war's to be now or later, I would have it now. How long can the leper last?

Templar Master: God wills it. God wills it!
Templars: God wills it!
Reynald: Jerusalem!
[all charge towards the Muslim caravan]