Tallahassee: I have nothing against pacifists. I just wanna beat the shit out of them.
Wichita: When you love something, you shoot it in the face... So it doesn't become a flesh eating monster.
Tallahassee: It's time to nut up or shut up.
Albuquerque: That saying's very 2009.
Nevada: [pointing a gun at Tallahassee] Start talking.
Tallahassee: You first!
Nevada: [loads gun]
Tallahassee: [in a childlike voice] Hi, my name's Tallahassee.
Reporter: [Actor Bill Murray is being interviewed at a "Garfield 3: Flabby Tabby" press junket] But the question is, why in the world Garfield 3?
Bill Murray: Can this be just between us?
Reporter: Yes.
Bill Murray: Drugs cost money.
Tallahassee: [entering the White House] Hail to the motherfucking chief.
Tallahassee: [sitting behind the desk in the Oval Office] You're welcome, America!
Wichita: Don't listen to this guy. He's killed more celebrities than cocaine.
[first lines]
Columbus: Welcome to Zombieland. Back for seconds? After all this time? Well, what can I say, but thank you. You have a lot of choices when it comes to zombie entertainment, and we appreciate you picking us.
Madison: You guys, they are much more afraid of us than we are of them.
Wichita: Oh, that is not even remotely true.
Columbus: [about Madison] Hey, come on. She is a living, thinking being. Okay?
[relenting]
Columbus: She's a living being.
Madison: [Columbus pushes Madison away as she's kissing him] OK, look, I've been alone in a freezer for years, so either we're doing this right now, or I'm biting the bullet and I'm doing the old guy!
Madison: I'm like, really good at surviving. I carry a can of mace with me everywhere I go. And I can run really, really, really, really fast. Probably because I used to do, like, hot yoga and SoulCycle.
Madison: [the group approaches an RV] You guys, I partied with Three Doors Down in one of these.
Tallahassee: They ain't got what we do.
Madison: Guns.
Tallahassee: We don't have guns.
Madison: What?
[after a T-800 zombie gets up after being shot twice]
Tallahassee: Two plus two still equals four, right?
[last lines]
Bill Murray: I hate Mondays.
Tallahassee: You know why she's still alive? Because zombies eat brains and she ain't got none.
Columbus: I feel sort of guilty.
Madison: Because of Jesus?
[whispers]
Madison: I know ways around that.
[winks]
